HELP- i am ready to quit Adderall

[jlg789]

I feel so blessed right now that I found this group. I am at the lowest point in life bc of my adderall addiction. I struggled in school all my life, but my senior year I was put on Adderall XR and it was great! My grades went from D’s to being on honor roll. Not only did the adderall make me focus & engage in class, I liked the feeling! The rush. I was always shy & adderall just gave me this extra boost of confidence. I loved adderall!!! Fast forward 4 years.... I was starting night classes & still taking my XR 30’s in the morning but I knew that would wear off and I needed it for school.  So my doc prescribed Adderall 20 IR. About a year later is when the Abuse started. I loved how it made me so excited & focused to be at work and school, I was always more confident when I took it. I LOVED THE FEELING IT GAVE ME!!! One day I just decided to double my dose bc I loved the feeling so much..Not long after that...I was running out before my next script..buying from other ppl, stealing pills from friends & familys bottles...completely out of control. I knew I had a problem but i really just ignored it and didn’t care. I needed it. 

Until now..5 years later.  I can not keep living this way. My life is a wreck, my mental health is terrible.  I feel so stuck and trapped. I get my script and it’s gone in a week. It does not even help me anymore. I’m not motivated, I stay up for days, I’m scatterbrained most of the time,  I want to feel that RUSH & euphoria it once gave me. After I come off my binges, im extra tired for a few days but after a week, I start feeling like myself again. And I LOVE it. Yet, I’m still picking up my scripts every month and binging, when I KNOW im just going to abuse them, I’m going to feel miserable the whole time, Im not going to get that rush I crave. I need help I don’t know what to do. Why do I keep doing this to myself.. My family knows something is wrong but they don’t know it’s bc I’m abusing adderall. I’m in counseling for depression, but I haven’t been truthful about the Adderall yet. I’m so happy I found this group I really just need support from people who understand this addiction. Will I ever stop doing this to myself!! 
I WANT to stop doing this to myself- any support or advice on what to do would help 

[SleepyStupid]

hi @jlg789

glad you found us - welcome to the forums! i was a binge user too, so i understand your cycle very well. the Adderall isn't even a medication or a tool for productivity anymore - you're just taking it cause you like getting high, and now the high is disappearing (as it will eventually for everyone). you're just chasing a high. 

the pattern of binging for a week then crashing truly hammers your body. i was staying up for 4, maybe 5 days in a row sometimes, basically eating nothing - just absolute madness. it's a miracle i never ended up in the hospital, or put someone else in a hospital driving around playing with my phone geeked out of my mind. my point here is: your abuse is probably more dangerous than you realize (to yourself and others).

those are the two things it took me realizing to finally get clean: 1) Adderall is not a medication - it's just speed, and i'm a junkie. 2) if I don't stop being a junkie, i may die.

i wouldn't bother with a taper. as bingers, we don't have enough discipline to take Adderall as prescribed much less taper it successfully. when you decide to finally go cold turkey, just make sure you have support structures in place because you'll need at least a few weeks of bare minimum functioning to get past the acute recovery period.

gl and stay close to the forums!

[addyaddy]

Sounds like you’ve got a problem. I would check out an AA or NA meeting. That was the only way I could stay sober. I know well the hellscape that is adderall addiction, and I can guarantee you things will only get worse. Don’t use until you’ve lost everything! And be careful on this site...a lot of people who post are still on adderall. You can tell by the longwinded posts. 
 

i promise you it gets better. Tapering is not a thing. That’s just an excuse to keep using. Once you’re addicted, you will never take it like a normal person. Quitting stimulants is not going to be dangerous to your health and certainly will not harm you in the way quitting an opiate would (I say this both as an addict and someone in medicine). Just don’t pick up the first one. Call your doctor and cut off your supply. One is too many and a thousand is never enough.