Dropped down to 5mg/day - noticing more effects

[Leroy Brown]

Last Thursday, I told 4 of my closest friends that I was addicted and that I'm weaning myself off of it. None of them knew that I was even prescribed it, so that was weird for both parties. They were all awesome (as expected) and very supportive, and will help with accountability.

I went from 10mg/day to 5mg/day on Saturday. I broke myself up enough 5mg pill chunks for this week. Maybe I'll be at 5mg for a week or a month longer, I don't know. I was at 10mg for about 3 months before I made the "5mg Leap". Part of me wants to just go ahead and be done with it - that's the part that just wants to move on with my life. The other part of me will be methodical and calculated about removing this shit from my life - that's the part that was able to summon so much focus and drive before I became a pharma-junkie. Anyone out there have experience with weaning? How was it going from 5 to 0 (if you did that)?

Irony...I'm having a more difficult time focusing in other areas of my life yes, but I have tunnel vision when it comes to removing this thorn from my flesh.

It was nasty weather here this past weekend - snow, cold, and rainy ALL day, both days. All of my housemates and most of my friends were out of town, so it was just me and my dog all weekend. It was awesome. I did yoga, organized my climbing gear, read "The Fountainhead", watched "The Fight Club", listened to a sermon, cooked, did domestic chores that were far overdue, and hiked with my dog. I never drank coffee before, so I learned that whole process with a french press. : ) As so many of you have already said, I felt just a little bit more like myself and it was an ideal environment for me.

Withdrawal symptoms...

Even though I'm not completely off of it, I'm certainly feeling the effects, having been a 6 year user and a recent 40mg/day user. I definitely have less energy, fighting some burly depression, and it requires a lot of my mental capacity to focus on a particular task, but I'm finding that I do enjoy the challenge. The major thing I've noticed is that I'm having a more difficult time falling asleep - this seems so counter-intuitive. I drank coffee mid-morning so don't think that could be a factor. I did smoke a little pot to help me fall asleep, but that just got my mind going even more. Isn't that weird? Maybe I'm just not exhausting myself as I was with heavy Adderall usage...

Good things I'm noticing...my breathing patterns are noticeably better (RHR in the high 50's now), and I am able (with lots of energy reserves) to summon a focus within me that is far more intense and genuine than anything Adderall ever gave me.

Some of this has helped me deal with both the psychological and physiological addiction...

Healthy ways (as Cassie suggested in a post to me) to harness the mind...

I've found that rock/ice climbing, aikido, yoga, and weeding my garden all help me get into a "zen-like" state of mind and are practical/healthy ways to teach us how to harness the mind. Maybe find something that you can do regularly that doesn't just zap you, that will help you learn to train your mind. Not saying it will be easy. I thought I was going to pass out in yoga class on my lunch break today but managed to make it through and feel much better as a result.

Eat healthy/exercise. Everyone else has touched on this multiple times, but getting those endorphins going after a run/hike is SO rad! I'm trying to get into a Naturopath in the next week or 2 to help me out some more in the right direction.

I've been watching YouTube clips of fellow humans that just had insane focus in some manner or another. Michael Jordan, Steve Jobs, TED talks, etc. I watched a great interview with Mike Tyson last night. Talk about someone who messed his life up, and has embraced the challenge of achieving his goals in life - not other people's goals for him. Iron Mike is a fascinating human.

Be good and just BE, everyone.

[goodgirl804]

Hi Leroy,

I don't have much to offer in terms of advice or anything because I am really new here, only off Adderall for 2 days now. But I really identified with your post, so I wanted to reply. You mentioned you were a recent 40-mg user. I was prescribed 40 and recently went to 60 and sometimes 80 because I was trying to get work done for my doctoral program. With the 40, I felt like the focus didn't last long enough, so I made excuses for why I should take more. I was taking more than I was prescribed, which naturally led to me running out. Well, almost...I still have 4 20mg's that I'm going to cut into 5's and try to wean myself off.

How difficult was it to go from the 40 to the 10? After recently realizing that I was an addict, I felt it might be best to go cold-turkey. The past 2 days with none have been pretty shitty. Mostly my body feels tired, my head is cloudy, and I have zero motivation or concentration. I have to go back to my therapist job tomorrow, having recently been promoted to a team leader, and I guess I have to try to have energy and be focused and quick-thinking, etc, etc... There is no way I'm going to be able to pull it off..

So..I will probably do a "quick wean," trying to stretch 80 mg over the next 2 weeks. From what I've read on these posts, it is less traumatic to wean than to go cold-turkey.

You mentioned a change in your breathing patterns... Over the last few months, I noticed that my breathing patterns were actually pretty bizarre: fast and shallow, OR kind of "forgetting" to breathe for a little while. As I have been breathing normally yesterday and today, I have also felt that I have been more "in my body." A couple instances where I thought I got a glimpse of the "me" that used to be.

Do you work? I'm asking because I'm really afraid of how my sudden loss of confidence, creativity, and motivation is going to affect my job. I'm scared to go. What did you do to get through it?

Thanks

- M