Breakups in early recovery

[ashley6]

I got myself into a hell of a situation while being tweaked out for a couple years on adderall. It's a long and confusing story, but to sum it up, I've been living with my ex-boyfriend, who I've spent lots of time with, and who helped me to get sober. We talked last night about how it's best if we go our separate ways. It's pretty obvious this is for the best, but it feels like I got punched in the stomach. I don't know how much this even ties in with adderall, but I never imagined how bad it would feel to finally have to do this. I guess the unhealthy living situation and weird relationship we've had wouldn't have happened had I been sober. I thought when I got sober it would be easier for me to detach from him. It isn't, and I'm beginning to see the overlap in addiction to a pill and a person. Did anyone go through a breakup while in early recovery? I see so many parallels in the ending of adderall and the ending of this relationship. I'm just looking for someone who can relate...thanks!

[matilda]

Hi Ashley --

I definitely got into more than one relationship, over the 6 years I was on Adderall, that I would not have pursued, at least not that far, in a sober state. I also really relate to the idea of being addicted to a person or relationship in the aftermath -- I am just over a year off the pills now and still extracting myself from relationship #2. It is really hard.

Not much else to offer, as I'm still in it myself, but wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat. I do feel like my sanity is returning more every day, though, and that this will eventually resolve itself, as many other areas of my life have in recovery.

Cheers,

M

[Cassie]

Hi Ashley,

Your feelings are totally normal, especially if it was a tense breakup. Off adderall I definitely feel all of my emotions more intensely - the good and bad. On adderall I stayed way too long in a couple of relationships as well, but you know what? That's normal for your 20s! You stay with a guy for convenience, because the sex is good, or some other shallow reason, rather than face the truth and break up with him. I've done it, my friends have done it, and my younger sister is doing it right now! I know it sucks where you're at right now, but when you're in your 30s you will look back and laugh at some of the relationships you had in your 20s.

[ashley6]

Cassie and Matilda,

It's great to get feedback that it's normal, because I feel like an emotional wreck. I used to pop pills to deal with everything and nothing ever got solved, and I spent hours upon months overanalyzing the situation. We can now analyze the situation, with light at the end of the tunnel.....even if it hurts a lot...thanks, ladies.

[Kathleen]

Ashley,

I can feel you on this. Adderall and who's around is everything. Once I stopped Adderall, the good people came back. I feel like Adderall, in the lethal doses me and you were taking...creates ups and downs which directly affect any relationship. It's like a boat rocking back and forth on the waves of instability.

Unhealthy, toxic, dependent relationships are no good. When you're truly meant to be with someone, it makes sense and it is comfortable, genuine and sensible...I know a break up is like an end to a part of your life...and I do think your association to him while medicated has a huge impact...I have a book that is about addictive love...and it's just as bad as a drug. Highly medicated people can't make rash choices or see or feel things as clearly....I don't think I would have stood for a lot of the things I've been through during the past year....

You're going to get through this. You've gotten through 4 months of no Adderall...it's hard to break free of people:(, but I think that not being addied up...you'll be able to feel and have more stability through this...