Kathleen

Thank you, everyone. Means a lot.

Zerokewl, you've already started a new life by putting down the Adderall. That was BITCH for me...I was obsessed with my weight, that "euphoric" buzz, and how I felt so grandiose while on the drug. Once I let it go...and my body started feeling replenished with food, thought, sleep and yoga....I started feeling things again. The depression was painful, but I think the Adderall had been a blanket on it the whole time...basically I was covering up issues with drug use. I went to my doctor and cried and said that I just wanted to feel like there was light again and I was at the end of my rope. That's when I decided to start taking Wellbutrin..which also helped me with quitting cigs. I haven't smoked them since I quit adderall--I associate them with Adderall. My Dad is a Pharmacist in the military. From day 1 of my Adderall journey--he was terrified...didn't want to see his daughter become a victim of amphetamine abuse. There's really just no winning with Adderall. You get to a point where you have to start taking a higher dose, sometimes you can feel it, sometimes you can't...and you start to become some person that is oddly motivated to do random things from a drug. I am rooting for all of you. I still struggle sometimes with the idea of how skinny I was and how I liked that--but it wasn't normal--it isn't normal. JustinW, Thank you for your nice comment. There is hope for everyone in these forums. It just takes the desire to want a positive change. My heart is with you all.

Anxiety is still sometimes an issue with me. I am currently taking Wellbutrin and kolonpin(only for panic attacks)..and I have seen great results. Zerokewl, stick with it...I call the months you're going through..the "struggle".....but after awhile....Adderall use becomes a nightmare from the past...and motivation...it comes naturally. It was hard, I am not going to lie...but I also had situations all around me that were stressful. After addy, I went through a terrible breakup, I was living in my grandmothers basement, I couldn't focus at work..and I was deeply depressed. You can do this. I know you can:)

If I can do it....anyone can....I assure you. Me 2 years ago: Psycho girlfriend, quality of life: low, Googling until 5 am even on work nights the most pointless things, days without food, dry mouth, endless cigarettes, seating over my next refill--- just a mess. My heart goes out to everyone who is experiencing the Adderall battle. You can do it....

Hey...I haven't been here in QUITE some time. My story is posted- I think it's still up- it was posted in April 2012. I was a train wreck. Since then, the journey has not been an easy one...but holy hell...I am a person again. I haven't taken Adderall since November 2012. I NEVER in a million years thought I would actually quit or ever stop. It was fun to think about...and then I actually decided no more. Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy...I went through depression, weight gain, "friends",loneliness....but you know what came out of this "struggle"? ME. I can eat again, I have quality people around me, I'm in the gym, I don't look like a corpse, I'm not sweating for a 20mg and sleep is something I smile about. Adderall is a fucking nightmare and every time I hear about someone taking it or on it- it makes me nervous--HIGHLY nervous. I'm obviously not rail thin(size 6 or 8 now), I'm not able to do 24 hours work loads and not everything is "fun" like it was on speed(these things aren't normal..)---BUT...I am human again..I sleep, I eat, and my future seems bright. I wish I would have utilized this site more during my "struggle"...but I suppose everyone handles things differently. I am here to tell you that Adderall is the devil, but it is something that you CAN get out of your life. I'd also like to thank everyone on this website who read my crazy posts and messages and cared.

You're right--the nature of an SSRI is completely different than a NARCOTIC. I don't think I would be where I am right now without the Wellbutrin. My head was severely screwed after years of Adderall. I'm all for medicine..but of course I've had to take measures in many areas to get better off Adderall on my own...the Wellbutrin has aided in bringing my head back to normality. I highly recommend this option to anyone who is still struggling with Adderall.

Ashley, <3 Thank you. Thank you for always being there and helping me through this battle, girl.

I don't think it's my business to tell anyone to take or look into SSRIs, but I feel like they are helping me reach normality again. I drained my brain out of dopamine, I was exhausted, feeling depressed-like the world was dark, couldn't stop crying and I knew I'd turn to Adderall. Adderall was initially prescribed to me to fix the following issues I addressed, when really I needed to be on an antidepressant.

I hate Adderall. I know EXACTLY what you're feeling. Been down that road a bunch of times...I've "quit" on and off and I've been clean again. What made me stop? Looking in the mirror and seeing a dead, lifeless person at 26 in the reflection. Becoming exhausted from staying up all night and panicking. Googling nothing. Being weird. High highs, low lows. The more you grip that bottle..the more nights you will have like what you posted about.

If you've read my up and down roller coaster ride with amphetamine drugs for the past 6 years, then you know how horribly I've been struggling with "quitting"(aka breaks) and then back onto the grind. I think I'm just freaking over Adderall. It's tiring to even think about. I called my parents upset again after feeling depressed, fatigue, like the whole world was dark...and wondering "Does this mean I need Adderall or is this how withdrawal feels...?" MMMM...I couldn't stop feeling so tired, laid in bed for weeks feeling down about a broken heart,reflecting the damage I'd caused on/off/on/off Adderall and I finally was just like.."This shit isn't working for me, my life is not going to continue like this." I went to the doctor, told her how I felt, she told me I needed to stay on the Adderall in moderation. (Hell no) I told her I wasn't there for a narcotic...but for an SSRI. She diagnosed me as "clinically depressed"(after some questioning) and I started taking the 150mg of Wellbutrin. I felt terrible the first few days--like nauseous drugged out and fatigue...but after about 6 days...I started feeling-what I identify as-"CLEAR". My cravings for Adderall haven't been around for a few weeks, and I feel like I'm finally in a mindset that can begin to make rational, adult choices. I've been going to Yoga, thinking about my future in a more creative, peaceful field. I want to find something I am passionate about, something I can wake up and feel like I am contributing to or making a difference. I'm looking into Aveda schools for massage therapy...my degree from Auburn, mmmm...not considering utilizing it any longer. I don't want to live life going 120 MPH anymore. It's weird, I'm actually focused at work now too without Adderall. I was initially put on Adderall as a quick fix for my depression, lethargy and mild ADHD. I think if I would have given Wellbutrin a chance back then, I wouldn't be on the road I have been. I believe that my head has been off balance for awhile and I'm feeling things I haven't felt in over a decade...normality. Wellbutrin has been a great help...I feel like it's been leveling me out back into a regular person...and not some strung out junkie on and off Adderall. <3

Take it from me, the 2.5 cheats will turn into 10mg cheats which turn into "??" cheats.

Ash, Adderall made me FAIL some classes at Auburn University. I was borderline experiencing psychosis during some of my exams...so I can feel you on the laughing at the transcripts..because I "lol" at some of the classes I thought I was ballin out in. I ended up graduating, but barely remember any of my final exams because I hadn't slept in days. Drank a lot of alcohol back then too. Bahh. Let me know how school is going--I'm interested to hear:)

Evie, I work a serious job that I became accustomed to being number 1 on Adderall. I'd be lying if I said that not taking Adderall and coming here was easy...but it takes a piece of strength and confidence to move forward. You're starting something NEW and FRESH--get to know your new place of work without the drugs. Whenever I'm at my desk--I see things that trigger me and remind me of the speeding...It isn't easy...but you've gone 4 months. What an accomplishment you should be proud of. I'm rooting for you.

Edie, I am happy that you have made a great choice for yourself. I hope that you not only kick the habits, but find inner peace and happiness. You've always been so supportive and kind to the people on these forums, especially me...and I want nothing but the best for you!

Don't do it. Take it from someone who's relapsed and has to start allover again. That intial buzz from the Adderall will give you guilt beyond belief. It will only start the process allover again. It's the demon(addiction) wanting to be fed. Adderall will make it worse...and I know how feeling lost-alone feels...but it feels nowhere near how AWFUL being jacked up and alone feels. You've come this far. Continue on the good path...you have so many new and exciting things coming your way. Do not fear change and don't bring Adderall with you to your future...each day it is becoming more and more a part of your past. Love you girl. Message me if you need me!

What are ya'lls thoughts on this? Non stimulant treatment for ADHD. I'd love to know if anyone's tried, is taking or has anymore information than I can GOOGLE.

Edie, How is everything coming along?

JK, Taking as prescribed for me lasted about 2 months. Even during those 2 months, I had headaches, started eating less, smoking more and was only focused on studying. I was easily irritated but my grades sky rocketed in college. This was in 2006. I was a junior in college. I had taken them without a prescription every once in awhile for exams from 2004-2006(my story is posted-"Adderall Addict"-about the depths of hell I came into). After awhile, I just wasn't "feeling it" and would take more than instructed. The bad thing-I was on time release then which has a different absorption/life in the body...so I'd be up for days cramming for tests. I'd have a crash and sleep for days on end. I had issues with depression before hand, but I really think my abuse on the drug amplified my thoughts and feelings..worsening my condition. I've done a lot of reading and there are a ton of similarities in BiPolar disorder with amphetamine addiction(high highs and severely low lows). I lied to my doctor for so long about feeling fine, but truth of the matter was I just wanted to keep my prescription. I've always been a silly person, into art, music and people...after awhile I just lost all of that and lived on the dark side...I felt dead. I actually relapsed a month ago and starting the cleansing process allover. It isn't fun. I hope that your wife really can hear you out, especially since you're here and seeing what a lot of us are going through/have been through. You are a good husband for taking measures and looking out for your wife. I am 100 percent concerned because if abuse..even use can be prevented...I am all for it...because my heart goes out to everyone who struggles with Adderall. Schedule II drugs...(damn, I say this everyday and it makes me cringe) is what Adderall is classified under by the DEA...in that same list---cocaine, meth and other life altering/high abuse drugs. Please keep us updated and I wish nothing but the best..I will pray for you and your wife.

Yoga rocked. I felt at peace. I feel sore today...but that's the body saying that I was working some muscles I hadn't in awhile. Breathing is a problem on Adderall...You can't meditate when your heart is pumping out of your chest. The whole thing I'm going for with Yoga is to continue to feel a peace. Thank you for yall's input...it's always appreciated;)

I'd also like to add that I had symptoms on my "recommended dosage"--which was 40mgs a day at 138 and 5'8. I wouldn't eat, I 'd feel good, but then get irritable, sleeping was an issue and cigarette smoking increased. It eventually metabolized in my system (meaning I wasn't feeling the euphoric kick)...which led me to self medicating and upping my dosage sky high to chase the rush I initially felt. It all starts somewhere. I don't know for sure what's going on and like I said, this is just purely input..but I've seen most addicts start how I did. Maybe you could compromise and if she's using it "as instructed" you could distribute the correct amount and keep the bottle to keep everything honest. Are you wanting her off it completely or just trying to make sure she's not over using? I'm just a firm believer that having access to a drug this potent most of the time gets out of hand. Every case is different...but I just wouldn't want to see another person struggling with this. It's life altering.

I am not married and there are different factors to every relationship and how people respond to the dosages of amphetamine drugs, but I will tell you this straight up: when things change in someone for the worse in a relationship--the drug has the power to destroy it. It appears to me as though your wife is hiding in the shadows of denial(like Cassie said this is a HUGE symptom of addiction). I have managed to destroy a healthy relationship on Adderall and then jump into an unhealthy one that just ended. I am not a relationship expert, but I do understand the power of Adderall and how it affects a persons interactions. Relationships, healthy ones...should be based on honesty and compromise. I don't think your wife hesitating to listen to your concerns is really fair(I am just going off what I read-I am not trying to be rude by that statement--just an outside opinion). Adderall, at least in my case, creates a very selfish nature;it's a very selfish drug. She is most likely not thinking clearly or being considerate of your feelings..the drug has the ability to blur or intensify things...I am sorry you are having to deal with a person like myself..because I know how heartbreaking it can be from what the people who are close to me have told me about my behavior. I always refer back to my dad who is a Pharmacist and runs a pharmacy and hates amphetamine drug...he told me that I will never be able to appreciate the small things in life if I was letting my addiction to Adderall be the most important factor. He also told me that he not only sees so many people run into financial ruins,addiction, malnutrition, episodes of psychosis on the drug..but marital problems. I would let her read some of the stories from here--this isn't necessarily an "addicts" forum, but a place to share, cope, look for insight and learn. Coming from a relationship where my ex would never listen to me, I know how frustrating it is to be cut off in mid sentence, thoughts or ideas. I hope that you and your wife find a resolution some way, one that suits her health, your emotions and your marriage.

Thumbs, This place is where people come to share experiences, express concern, thoughts or struggles with Adderall, not a place of judgement. We all have free will to not take Adderall, take Adderall..or whatever...your posts come off a little abrasive towards users who were just sharing their thoughts and opinions in response to your post. If Adderall is for you, that's okay. If it isn't, that's okay too. The nature of this site is just to learn and share ideas...everybody is different...but you will find on this site that there are many similarities with most of us who self medicated and upped our dosages. I don't think most doctors are "evil", but I will tell you this...Schedule II narcotics(amphetamine's classification) will always be abused...they are more abused than opiates actually. If these boards aren't for you, that's okay...this isn't something forced upon you...but there are people hear that will listen and give support/opinions whenever you need it. Maybe you are one of those lucky people who don't "need" Adderall...and if that's the case...pour the script the toilet. I used to be one of those people. I started adding 10mgs when I had an intense exam schedule in college. By the time I was 25..I was taking 60-80 mgs over my dosage. It all starts somewhere and I wish none of that upon you. I wish you the very best.

Has anyone tried this? I went to my first Yoga class and actually felt...really good. We focused on breathing and meditation...I slept like a rock though. There is no way in hell I'd be able to do this on Adderall...I actually felt at peace and relaxed. What are ya'lls thoughts on this?

Day 2 no Adderall. Ughhhhhh

Edie, this is huge and I am proud of you. I am right behind you. I am up for refill next week and think I might replace it with a nice visit to NA. Adderall is ironically draining- emotionally, physically and mentally. Talking with people about these things and being honest helps...it also motivates you and there's nothing better than talking about these sorts of things with people who are going through the same thing as well. How did the meeting go?