Popular Post NurseAddy Posted November 15, 2021 Popular Post Report Share Posted November 15, 2021 I haven't been on the forum for the past year, mainly because I was working on myself and needed time away from thinking about Adderall. I'm surprised to say, yesterday marked my year of sobriety and I can't believe it. Surreal to think about because I thought I'd never get to this point after taking 150mg+ daily for roughly 6 years. I wanted to come back and say to those who think they'll never break free that it is possible and to those that have risked it all to try the sober life, it is worth it. Everyone's journey is different, and I'll list some of the things I'm relieved to not have and some of the things I still struggle with. Regardless, I wouldn't change the sober life for the f*cked up world of Adderall I lived in. No one deserves to live by a pill. Good luck to everyone - sobriety will change your life for the better. Struggles Weight gain (I didn't do much about this for the first 8 months, now I'm getting serious about losing my post adderall gain) Cognitive issues (tongue tied, inability to remember certain words, brain farts, frustration knowing that I wasn't like this before Adderall but hoping it resolves in another 6 months) Cravings (They still happen - but less often) Fatigue (Still present, but better than before) Caffeine (Doesn't do shit and knowing that but still trying to get some sort of buzz) Staying on task (Knowing Adderall helped this but hurt everything else so now it's up to just me to get simple things done - and I'm ok with that) No libido (Still a work in progress) Reliefs My life doesn't revolve around a stupid little orange football, and for that I am grateful My fingers aren't swollen all the time, gums aren't burning, bleeding and receding, teeth and jaw don't ache from clenching all day, no more dry eyes, heart palpitations are gone, no muscle twitches and cramping, no more facial burning, no more picking my face and scalp until they bleed and scab over, no lung burning, no more ice cold twitching feet, no shaking, no going 5 days without sleep and just wishing I could get 2hrs, no more dehydration, no forcing food down and not enjoying any part of it, no more constant peeing or feeling like I have to pee with nothing coming out, no more diarrhea or flank pains, no more feeling like my body might give out, no more chasing a high and waiting for a comedown, no more hating myself for this vicious cycle, no more internal battle between wanting to crash and not wanting to comedown, no more wanting help but not wanting to let go of that little pill, no more worrying that I won't be anything without a pill No more worrying that I might die but still choosing to pop another pill because I'm so addicted. My relationships are better than ever, with everyone. My fiancé proposed to me, because he didn't want to marry me addicted to a pill (and I don't blame him). No longer a hermit because I'd rather feel my high than go out and get distracted No more waiting on the day to refill or begging friends to get me to my next refill No more fucking Adderall. I couldn't be happier with my decision to quit and couldn't be more proud of myself. You can do this. I can't tell you how many times I read that statement on other people's posts and thought to myself I couldn't do it, but here I am. Just take the first step, flush the shit and call your doctor to cancel your script or remove those friends who have access to it. Your life is worth so much more. Best wishes. -NurseAddy 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post hyper_critical Posted November 15, 2021 Popular Post Report Share Posted November 15, 2021 Epic post. Very happy for you. It continues to get better (though for me, the "straight line" up didn't start until after year 2). Thanks for sharing. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleepyStupid Posted November 17, 2021 Report Share Posted November 17, 2021 On 11/15/2021 at 11:00 AM, NurseAddy said: No more worrying that I might die but still choosing to pop another pill because I'm so addicted. This hit so close to home for me. it's unfortunate that some of us needed to bottom out and fear for our lives before we made any kind of change, but SO GLAD to hear you've made it out the other side!!! thanks for coming back and sharing your progress. this is precisely what people need to hear about the realities of the recovery journey. those struggles that you still have will gradually lessen over the next year or so. as you accomplish things, hit milestones and achieve personal goals you will come to realize that you are not only "recovered" but actually a EVEN BETTER version of yourself than before. congrats on the proposal! more happy things are soon to come (: 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrewK15 Posted November 17, 2021 Report Share Posted November 17, 2021 Congrats! I second what @hyper_criticalsaid, for me post year 2 is when things really started taking off. Get through this next year at all costs, you have a great future ahead of you. Well done. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted December 8, 2021 Report Share Posted December 8, 2021 I remember us talking on here. Tomorrow and Thursday I taper, Fri is cold turkey. I'm relieved and scared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopefulily Posted December 13, 2021 Report Share Posted December 13, 2021 @NurseAddycongratulations!!! So impressed with you and you describe everything perfectly what I want to get rid of. I might have to read this every day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DelaneyJuliette Posted December 13, 2021 Popular Post Report Share Posted December 13, 2021 It's Day 4. It's for real this time. Those are just words but I won't give in. I have so many contingency plans in case things go sideways. @NurseAddyI will be writing about a year of sobriety next December. I can do this. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurseAddy Posted January 16, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2022 @DelaneyJuliette you indeed have this! There are still times where I crave the demon, but we all know if I even gave in to ‘just one’ it would all be over. You’re worth more than a pill! Commit and never look back, you will be so proud of yourself! Good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted February 23, 2022 Report Share Posted February 23, 2022 So good to hear from u @NurseAddy! Hearing from u put a big smile on my face 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleeplessInSeattle Posted February 24, 2022 Report Share Posted February 24, 2022 @NurseAddy I have been scrolling through this forum for years and I remember when I first came across your post from 2019 and I felt like I could relate so much to your story. I’m also a nurse, and have been abusing my prescription for the better part of 10 years now. I have flushed my pills countless times but always end up refilling my next script. I quit in November of last year but unfortunately I gave in and refilled my prescription yesterday… so here i am for the millionth time scrolling through these posts trying to find a trace of hope that things can get better, and then I saw this post. I don’t know you, but I just want to say I’m so proud of you! And thank you for posting an update on your journey. Reading these success stories (especially yours) really makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing you all the best, I hope you continue to post updates here! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted March 3, 2022 Report Share Posted March 3, 2022 On 12/13/2021 at 12:00 PM, DelaneyJuliette said: It's Day 4. It's for real this time. Those are just words but I won't give in. I have so many contingency plans in case things go sideways. @NurseAddyI will be writing about a year of sobriety next December. I can do this. Well fuck. I had 80 days and then I used 5 mg. And then 10mg... and then... I feel sad that next December I won't be a year sober but that isn't a useful way to think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurseAddy Posted May 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 @SleeplessInSeattle Thank you for the kind words! I hope you find your light. Sadly, sometimes when you’re in the light, there are periods of darkness as my cravings have never gone away. Since I last posted I’ve had a couple small relapses, nothing to fret over except that I don’t want to slip down that slope. Even right now, that little demonic voice in my head is telling me to find some of those soul sucking footballs, and the scariest part is I can only remember and miss the euphoria. Surreal to think we’re battling the same demons many of our patients do and most are oblivious to the battle. Best of luck to you, sobriety is still worth it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurseAddy Posted May 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 @DelaneyJuliette Did you get back on the wagon? If not, saddle up! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted May 11, 2022 Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 On 2/23/2022 at 9:34 PM, SleeplessInSeattle said: @NurseAddy I have been scrolling through this forum for years and I remember when I first came across your post from 2019 and I felt like I could relate so much to your story. I’m also a nurse, and have been abusing my prescription for the better part of 10 years now. I have flushed my pills countless times but always end up refilling my next script. I quit in November of last year but unfortunately I gave in and refilled my prescription yesterday… so here i am for the millionth time scrolling through these posts trying to find a trace of hope that things can get better, and then I saw this post. I don’t know you, but I just want to say I’m so proud of you! And thank you for posting an update on your journey. Reading these success stories (especially yours) really makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing you all the best, I hope you continue to post updates here! How are u sleepless?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted May 11, 2022 Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 19 hours ago, NurseAddy said: @DelaneyJuliette Did you get back on the wagon? If not, saddle up! I just made it through Day 1 again! I'm back!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleeplessInSeattle Posted May 13, 2022 Report Share Posted May 13, 2022 On 5/11/2022 at 4:17 PM, DelaneyJuliette said: How are u sleepless?!?! I had almost 50 days without taking vyvanse and felt like things were going pretty well. Unfortunately I had a moment of weakness after a tough week at work decided to fill my rx again 2 days ago. I’m planning on flushing the rest tonight. Hopefully the progress I made over the last 50 days isn’t totally ruined… how are you?? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted May 13, 2022 Report Share Posted May 13, 2022 3 hours ago, SleeplessInSeattle said: I had almost 50 days without taking vyvanse and felt like things were going pretty well. Unfortunately I had a moment of weakness after a tough week at work decided to fill my rx again 2 days ago. I’m planning on flushing the rest tonight. Hopefully the progress I made over the last 50 days isn’t totally ruined… how are you?? It's okay!! Someone helped me think of it in terms of letter grades. It's not an A or an F. So I messed up, but I still have a B- in my brain. Day 3 here we come! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted July 8, 2022 Report Share Posted July 8, 2022 On 12/13/2021 at 12:00 PM, DelaneyJuliette said: It's Day 4. It's for real this time. Those are just words but I won't give in. I have so many contingency plans in case things go sideways. @NurseAddyI will be writing about a year of sobriety next December. I can do this. Or not. I took 5mg in June and now I'm back at it. I feel defeated and angry at myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted July 8, 2022 Report Share Posted July 8, 2022 On 11/15/2021 at 11:00 AM, NurseAddy said: I haven't been on the forum for the past year, mainly because I was working on myself and needed time away from thinking about Adderall. I'm surprised to say, yesterday marked my year of sobriety and I can't believe it. Surreal to think about because I thought I'd never get to this point after taking 150mg+ daily for roughly 6 years. I wanted to come back and say to those who think they'll never break free that it is possible and to those that have risked it all to try the sober life, it is worth it. Everyone's journey is different, and I'll list some of the things I'm relieved to not have and some of the things I still struggle with. Regardless, I wouldn't change the sober life for the f*cked up world of Adderall I lived in. No one deserves to live by a pill. Good luck to everyone - sobriety will change your life for the better. Struggles Weight gain (I didn't do much about this for the first 8 months, now I'm getting serious about losing my post adderall gain) Cognitive issues (tongue tied, inability to remember certain words, brain farts, frustration knowing that I wasn't like this before Adderall but hoping it resolves in another 6 months) Cravings (They still happen - but less often) Fatigue (Still present, but better than before) Caffeine (Doesn't do shit and knowing that but still trying to get some sort of buzz) Staying on task (Knowing Adderall helped this but hurt everything else so now it's up to just me to get simple things done - and I'm ok with that) No libido (Still a work in progress) Reliefs My life doesn't revolve around a stupid little orange football, and for that I am grateful My fingers aren't swollen all the time, gums aren't burning, bleeding and receding, teeth and jaw don't ache from clenching all day, no more dry eyes, heart palpitations are gone, no muscle twitches and cramping, no more facial burning, no more picking my face and scalp until they bleed and scab over, no lung burning, no more ice cold twitching feet, no shaking, no going 5 days without sleep and just wishing I could get 2hrs, no more dehydration, no forcing food down and not enjoying any part of it, no more constant peeing or feeling like I have to pee with nothing coming out, no more diarrhea or flank pains, no more feeling like my body might give out, no more chasing a high and waiting for a comedown, no more hating myself for this vicious cycle, no more internal battle between wanting to crash and not wanting to comedown, no more wanting help but not wanting to let go of that little pill, no more worrying that I won't be anything without a pill No more worrying that I might die but still choosing to pop another pill because I'm so addicted. My relationships are better than ever, with everyone. My fiancé proposed to me, because he didn't want to marry me addicted to a pill (and I don't blame him). No longer a hermit because I'd rather feel my high than go out and get distracted No more waiting on the day to refill or begging friends to get me to my next refill No more fucking Adderall. I couldn't be happier with my decision to quit and couldn't be more proud of myself. You can do this. I can't tell you how many times I read that statement on other people's posts and thought to myself I couldn't do it, but here I am. Just take the first step, flush the shit and call your doctor to cancel your script or remove those friends who have access to it. Your life is worth so much more. Best wishes. -NurseAddy You are an inspiration Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurseAddy Posted July 9, 2022 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2022 @DelaneyJuliette Thank you, but hardly. Just supporting good people battling bad habits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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