Please help. In need of advice.

[Jkamay]

Hi,

I came across this board about 3 months ago when I started noticing a change in my wife's behavior. Her temper seemed to flare up quicker than normal, she would talk non stop requiring me to validate every sentence, up at all hours, no appetite and became self absorbed. It coincided with her taking of Adderall. Unfortunately she had been diagnosed with a thyroid disorder as well roughly the same time. I say unfortunately not just because it's a stinky disorder but because that was the 'fall guy' for all of the behavior. Everything I read on here, testimonials and such, painted a perfect picture of her. Numerous arguments where I was blamed for being unsupportive or innocuous statements being deemed as "mean". I tried to get her to consider the Adderall even directing her to this website to read only to be told that i am calling her and addict, that she takes them as she supposed to no more or no less. I have no way of validating this because I do not watch her however I trust that she's telling me the truth. I even brought it up in counseling because it did lead to counseling sessions due to my inabiity to cope with , what seemed like, shouldering all of the blame Ultimately it led her agreeing to stop taking it.

Or so i thought, fast-forward 2 1/2 months later and here we are. I noticed some of the same signs. I am a pretty intuitive guy and have a good feel for my wife, a good read, and I knew something was amiss. Something was just nagging at me so I told her that I felt she was hiding something from me to which she replied ' im not hiding anything'. I believed her yet the feeling didn't go away. So I got the notion to call our local pharmacy as if I was going to pick up meds amd was able to find out they were filled the past two months.

I am at my wits end. The emotional stress this drug causes is too much to bear. I do not want to leave my wife over a drug because I do love her dearly however I also know there is no way to live while she's on this drug, taken regularly or not.

How do I get her to see the toll it takes on her and us? If i bring it up then im 'blaming' something and not being accountable. I dont feel she really adhd because his drug just seems to exacerbate those symptoms.

Please help.

Thank you

[Cassie]

I can totally relate to your situation. I became just like your wife on adderall and lied to my husband about my use as well. I lied because I was ashamed and because, well, addicts lie. Lying is a symptom of the addiction in my opinion. I was very short, unloving, argumentative and self absorbed on adderall, and of course thought my husband was the crazy one, not me. When my husband said he wanted to move out because he didn't know who I was anymore, it opened my eyes and I got serious about quitting. I would recommend giving your wife a very clear ultimatum that it's either your relationship or the drug, and if that doesn't faze her, go back to the counselor and reiterate it there. Recurring addictions are a common cause of divorce. My marriage is good now that I'm sane and off speed.

Cassie

[Jkamay]

Thank you for replying, Cassie. Were you using it as prescribed, if you dont mind me asking. Does it matter if its abused or used as prescribed? Are those symptoms common of both? I know she wil say 'those are just symptoms if you abuse it"

[Kathleen]

I am not married and there are different factors to every relationship and how people respond to the dosages of amphetamine drugs, but I will tell you this straight up: when things change in someone for the worse in a relationship--the drug has the power to destroy it. It appears to me as though your wife is hiding in the shadows of denial(like Cassie said this is a HUGE symptom of addiction). I have managed to destroy a healthy relationship on Adderall and then jump into an unhealthy one that just ended. I am not a relationship expert, but I do understand the power of Adderall and how it affects a persons interactions.

Relationships, healthy ones...should be based on honesty and compromise. I don't think your wife hesitating to listen to your concerns is really fair(I am just going off what I read-I am not trying to be rude by that statement--just an outside opinion). Adderall, at least in my case, creates a very selfish nature;it's a very selfish drug. She is most likely not thinking clearly or being considerate of your feelings..the drug has the ability to blur or intensify things...I am sorry you are having to deal with a person like myself..because I know how heartbreaking it can be from what the people who are close to me have told me about my behavior.

I always refer back to my dad who is a Pharmacist and runs a pharmacy and hates amphetamine drug...he told me that I will never be able to appreciate the small things in life if I was letting my addiction to Adderall be the most important factor. He also told me that he not only sees so many people run into financial ruins,addiction, malnutrition, episodes of psychosis on the drug..but marital problems.

I would let her read some of the stories from here--this isn't necessarily an "addicts" forum, but a place to share, cope, look for insight and learn. Coming from a relationship where my ex would never listen to me, I know how frustrating it is to be cut off in mid sentence, thoughts or ideas.

I hope that you and your wife find a resolution some way, one that suits her health, your emotions and your marriage.

[Kathleen]

I'd also like to add that I had symptoms on my "recommended dosage"--which was 40mgs a day at 138 and 5'8. I wouldn't eat, I 'd feel good, but then get irritable, sleeping was an issue and cigarette smoking increased.

It eventually metabolized in my system (meaning I wasn't feeling the euphoric kick)...which led me to self medicating and upping my dosage sky high to chase the rush I initially felt. It all starts somewhere. I don't know for sure what's going on and like I said, this is just purely input..but I've seen most addicts start how I did. Maybe you could compromise and if she's using it "as instructed" you could distribute the correct amount and keep the bottle to keep everything honest. Are you wanting her off it completely or just trying to make sure she's not over using?

I'm just a firm believer that having access to a drug this potent most of the time gets out of hand. Every case is different...but I just wouldn't want to see another person struggling with this. It's life altering.

[Cassie]

I was using it as prescribed, for if I wanted a higher dosage all I had to do was ask my doctor. Tolerance builds quickly with amphetamines. Dosages are imprecise. Doctors are just guessing, and some people are more sensitive to stimulants than others. I was never on a huge dose and my personality was like you describe your wife's. From what you describe, she lies about taking it, gets defensive when you bring up the subject, and is in denial about the negative effects on her personality. These are pretty classic signs of a drug problem. If you want more information about amphetamines, I recommend reading 'On Speed: the Many Lives of Amphetamines' by Nicholas Rasmussen.

[Jkamay]

Kathleen, im hesitant to be the 'regulator' because I'm convinced it is the culprit but that doesnt mean i am 100% right. The self denial on my part has caused me to grow edgier. my approaching her isnt always from a sweet direction. Ive become more confrontational because i feel its stolen my wife away and i realize that thats not healthy for her, either. As a result my anger becomes the focal point causing the actual issue to be left unaddressed.

That being said, i'll try anything. I want my wife back. And not just in periodic spurts.

[ashley6]

Jkamay,

I agree with Kathleen and Cassie. While you might have been a part of the problem in your approach with your wife, if she abusing adderall or even taking her prescribed dosage, it becomes the norm. The problem with addiction is that denial to others and oneself are the biggest part of it. With adderall especially, empathy goes out the window and agitation increases, so while she loves you, a healthy part of her is missing. I don't know if I have any advice, considering you don't feel you can approach her on the issue. I think directing her to this site was a great suggestion, but not one someone who doesn't want to face it is likely to take. Anyone who approached me about my erratic behavior was basically unleashing a beast, because I didn't want to hear it. I'm not this way with anything else in life, but I was with addiction. I hope she's not falling into this cycle, but it sounds like the classic signs. My heart goes out to you for having to deal with this drug. My mom went to Al-Anon for awhile, and it helped her extremely in the way she dealt with me....this could be an option for you?

[Jkamay]

Do any of you mind posting other personal symptoms/struggles that you had while taking it as prescribed? I am considering sharing this with her and perhaps your words would hit home. For me personally, too. I want to be certain i am giving her a fair shake.

[Edie]

I posted my story just recently in "tell your story" in the forums....feel free to read it...it is very long since I mainly discuss how much my addictive mind affects my husband and our marriage. However, over the course of a very long friendship, then courtship, and going on 10 years of marriage he is still the one I trust and want to be with. He is not the problem...I am...he didn't sign up for this and I feel much shame and guilt for the pain I have caused him. I let a lapse in judgement a few years ago when I took that tiny orange pill on a weekend I was off from work to party with my hubby late night...turn into years of craving that rush, that sense of empowerment that adderall and drugs like it will supply you with in plenty...at first. I am sorry you are going through this and wanted to let you know that you are not alone..and neither is she.

[Kathleen]

JK,

Taking as prescribed for me lasted about 2 months. Even during those 2 months, I had headaches, started eating less, smoking more and was only focused on studying. I was easily irritated but my grades sky rocketed in college. This was in 2006. I was a junior in college. I had taken them without a prescription every once in awhile for exams from 2004-2006(my story is posted-"Adderall Addict"-about the depths of hell I came into). After awhile, I just wasn't "feeling it" and would take more than instructed. The bad thing-I was on time release then which has a different absorption/life in the body...so I'd be up for days cramming for tests. I'd have a crash and sleep for days on end.

I had issues with depression before hand, but I really think my abuse on the drug amplified my thoughts and feelings..worsening my condition. I've done a lot of reading and there are a ton of similarities in BiPolar disorder with amphetamine addiction(high highs and severely low lows). I lied to my doctor for so long about feeling fine, but truth of the matter was I just wanted to keep my prescription. I've always been a silly person, into art, music and people...after awhile I just lost all of that and lived on the dark side...I felt dead. I actually relapsed a month ago and starting the cleansing process allover. It isn't fun.

I hope that your wife really can hear you out, especially since you're here and seeing what a lot of us are going through/have been through. You are a good husband for taking measures and looking out for your wife. I am 100 percent concerned because if abuse..even use can be prevented...I am all for it...because my heart goes out to everyone who struggles with Adderall. Schedule II drugs...(damn, I say this everyday and it makes me cringe) is what Adderall is classified under by the DEA...in that same list---cocaine, meth and other life altering/high abuse drugs.

Please keep us updated and I wish nothing but the best..I will pray for you and your wife.