Evie25 Posted September 9, 2012 Report Share Posted September 9, 2012 I start a new job next month, and am pretty much terrified. I've been of addy over 4 months, but I am so insecure of my abilities. I feel "foggier," slower, stupider. It's all been ok at my current job, because I've been there long enough to know what I'm doing. However, I am so afraid of failing at my new job without the addy-feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I know if I start taking it again, I'll work much faster, more efficiently. It will help me get off to a good start. But then I know it'll all go downhill again and I'll lose myself. Not sure what to do, just wondering if anyone else has had the same experience with starting a new job/school off the addy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 Evie25, I don't have a lot of advice on this topic, but I'm going through similar circumstances. I'm taking a class this semester, and while it's only one class, I'm really scared to even begin studying. I'm adamant that I'm doing this without adderall, but I have a test Thursday, and I'm freaking out to even begin studying. These are the lies that adderall has taught us, that we're incompetent without it. We're absolutely not though, and it's only the addiction. Yes, it could help for a couple months, but would it be worth the gloom and doom that follows for months, years....absolutely not. I hope you find the strength in yourself to do it without adderall, because it's there and well worth it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted September 10, 2012 Report Share Posted September 10, 2012 I forgot this part. All those years in college, I thought I was Superwoman on the adderall. I haven't taken classes for 5 years, so I couldn't even remember my gpa. I looked at my transcript, and it was almost laughable because my grades weren't great, not even good, but I had myself convinced that it made me an excellent student. My best semesters were ironically before adderall, and the first semester I took it. After that, they were sub par, to say the least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie25 Posted September 12, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 ashley6, Thanks for the advice. It's funny what you said about thinking you were superwoman on the adderall. I got through college with good grades without the adderall, yet somehow now I'm convinced I can't function without it. Yet what did I really accomplish on it? I'm not sure anything meaningful, though every mundane task felt critically important in my tweaked out state. Still, every day at work I'm constantly analyzing how slow I am or how long I take to do things, comparing it to my adderall days. Like you said, I just have to remind myself that if I start again it would quickly go downhill again. I wish you luck on your classes. I think half of the battle is the insecurity and fear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Evie, I work a serious job that I became accustomed to being number 1 on Adderall. I'd be lying if I said that not taking Adderall and coming here was easy...but it takes a piece of strength and confidence to move forward. You're starting something NEW and FRESH--get to know your new place of work without the drugs. Whenever I'm at my desk--I see things that trigger me and remind me of the speeding...It isn't easy...but you've gone 4 months. What an accomplishment you should be proud of. I'm rooting for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Ash, Adderall made me FAIL some classes at Auburn University. I was borderline experiencing psychosis during some of my exams...so I can feel you on the laughing at the transcripts..because I "lol" at some of the classes I thought I was ballin out in. I ended up graduating, but barely remember any of my final exams because I hadn't slept in days. Drank a lot of alcohol back then too. Bahh. Let me know how school is going--I'm interested to hear:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustin Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 Sorry, this isn't very helpful, but reading the posts here remind me of a similar experience. One time, during a final exam in Statistics I actually chewed on the side of my tongue and cheek the entire time without noticing it. It was so bad that when I walked up to hand my paper in, I had blood on my lips and couldn't speak from the swelling. I think I got a 58% on the exam. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie25 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 21, 2012 Kathleen, Thank you for your words of support. By the way, I've read many of your posts on here and find them so inspiring. They have been a great help to me at my lowest points. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waronwar Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 so true. adderall actually made me do well in classes i couldn't comprehend at first. After I began to abuse my Rx it made my life and school, grades, everything a well contained mess. Looking back I see it did nothing good at all for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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