6 Months!

[sirod9]

hello everyone! today is my six month mark. Things are going well. 4-5 months was horrendous and the PAWS was intense. I'm sure I have more rounds of PAWS coming up, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying feeling good again. Don't give up! there were weeks/days that I felt absolutely defeated, and I'm so glad that I cut my doctor off, because if I had used, I would not experience the peace of mind I have now on good days. I've found some supplements that help with my mood and well being, specifically, Cordyceps and Lions mane. I also take a calcium, magnesium, zinc liquid supplement, vitamin D. and vitamin C. I'm cautiously optimistic that I have passed through the most difficult period. but I'm also fully aware that I am not out of the woods yet. I feel like 6 months ago, when I flushed my bottle of adderall, I was doing a huge solid for my future self, who I am now. i cannot imagine how miserable I would be today if I continued taking adderall. Life would look very different. But who knows, I may be on here next week sharing about how I feel like I'm withdrawing again. I guess it is about cruising through the ups and downs.

I wish for everyone who is struggling right now to have the rising strength and self love to quit this drug, cut off the source, and cruise through the withdrawal with acceptance, knowing that it will improve and a better life is waiting on the other side.

Cheers!

[improving]

I hit 6 months like two weeks ago.  There is no question that quitting was the best decision I have ever made.  The inconsistency of good days and bad days is still brutal though.  The hardest part is hating the career I spent 8 years creating and not knowing what to do from here.  It feels like a battle getting through the workweek and doing just enough to get by.  

Thank you for all of your posts.  This community is awesome.  I have been following along for awhile, but thought it was finally worth joining.  Prescribed when I was in high school, but it really got bad after college when I started working.  I turned 30 last year and realized I lost my entire 20s to a stupid pill.  Decided enough was enough.  I did not see a scenario where things got better while still taking adderall, but felt like things could get a lot worse.  If I was going to be miserable, at least I wanted hope for the future.  I threw my prescription away that day. 

Better days ahead for sure.  Glad to be on this journey with such incredible people. 

[sirod9]

2 hours ago, improving said:

I hit 6 months like two weeks ago.  There is no question that quitting was the best decision I have ever made.  The inconsistency of good days and bad days is still brutal though.  The hardest part is hating the career I spent 8 years creating and not knowing what to do from here.  It feels like a battle getting through the workweek and doing just enough to get by.  

Thank you for all of your posts.  This community is awesome.  I have been following along for awhile, but thought it was finally worth joining.  Prescribed when I was in high school, but it really got bad after college when I started working.  I turned 30 last year and realized I lost my entire 20s to a stupid pill.  Decided enough was enough.  I did not see a scenario where things got better while still taking adderall, but felt like things could get a lot worse.  If I was going to be miserable, at least I wanted hope for the future.  I threw my prescription away that day. 

Better days ahead for sure.  Glad to be on this journey with such incredible people. 

Great job quitting! I too, get annoyed with my job sometimes. I'm pretty lucky in that I'm okay at what I do and work with great people. It is just the sitting in front of the computer all day that kills me. Lots of walking breaks and other breaks. I am ready to continue enduring difficult days, however, I will recommend you try a supplement called "Cordyceps." Look it up. The brand I use is called "Om" - I  also take LIon's Mane. The difference in teh way I feel compared to not taking them is night and day. very helpful!

[DelaneyJuliette]

omg i just finished the LONGEST day at work.  tuesdays and thursdays i go so late.  when i first quit i couldn't make it through much of the time, and often that would lead to relapse.  but now i'm at day 42 and it's getting easier and easier.

[Groundhogdaze]

Hi DelaneyJuliette

Good job getting to 42 days! 

And, It's good to read it gets easier.

fear I will relapse.   I am afraid when my kids and family start wanting something from me I cannot deliver, I will relapse.   That is the reason I started this god forsaken drug to start with. I was unable to be the person my family wanted.  I don't even have the energy to type right now.  It's been approximately three weeks since the last pill of adderall.  it has been getting worse recently. Good luck to you! 

[DelaneyJuliette]

On 2/2/2022 at 1:44 PM, Groundhogdaze said:

Hi DelaneyJuliette

Good job getting to 42 days! 

And, It's good to read it gets easier.

fear I will relapse.   I am afraid when my kids and family start wanting something from me I cannot deliver, I will relapse.   That is the reason I started this god forsaken drug to start with. I was unable to be the person my family wanted.  I don't even have the energy to type right now.  It's been approximately three weeks since the last pill of adderall.  it has been getting worse recently. Good luck to you! 

Just so you know, i have relapsed many many times.  The times it has worked is when I have treated it as though i have a serious illness that does not allow me to do things that i can't deliver.  (like, one time i timed my quit to a recovery from surgery.  it worked.  i just relapsed after 6 months b/c i started again taking on more than what was realistic.)  this time, i had to take a week off work and i pretended like i was very sick.  i'm not saying it's good to lie to your family, i'm just saying that in my particular case, "i've been taking too much adderall so i need you to expect less from me" was not something i had the strength to stand up for myself and say.  So i just went the "sick" route and gave myself permission to act like a person healing from a physical illness (b/c in many ways it IS - especially with post acute withdrawal.)  I would literally say to myself, "if i had cancer would i give myself permission to say no to whatever request was needed of me?"  i know that might sound dramatic (and i'm not trying to compare it to cancer) i'm just saying that i personally had to take the withdrawal period that seriously in my own head in order to give myself permission to say no to the things that i knew would make me relapse early on.  does that make sense?

Day 45 - i just cancelled an appt and am about to take a nap for an hour.  i feel guilty and like i "shouldn't" but i know if i don't, i will burn out and not sustain this.  and i am committed to staying clean.  so... whatever it takes.    

[Terry7P1]

Hi everyone, just wanted to say that you are very strong people and you will do great.

[Hopefulily]

Congratulations @sirod9!!! 6 months must feel really damn good! Before I officially joined this thread I saw when you were starting your journey and I could have been right there with you. Instead I chose to keep taking it and am only on day 10. Thanks for your supplement recs- I actually got both of those and have been taking them. Today I had to add back in a half of a wellbutrin but I appreciate you sharing this update.

I am finally understanding the importance of cutting off my doctor.

Keep it up and thanks for inspiring us!!!!

[DelaneyJuliette]

Day 57 here!  Some days I'm like whoa it's actually like back when adderall worked (I can focus and have energy and motivation!)  Some days I'm still agitated or anxious and Some days are blah.  But very few totally unmotivated days anymore.  I also take wellbutrin, 75mg, along with zoloft daily.  I try to get 8 hours of sleep, a lot of water, nourishing food and exercise. Many days still though I am just counting down the hours til I get to go to bed.  But I also know that gets better too with more and more time.  I get mad at myself for not getting enough done but then I remind myself that every single day I put between me ND the drug is a success!! 

[sirod9]

On 2/14/2022 at 7:26 PM, Hopefulily said:

Congratulations @sirod9!!! 6 months must feel really damn good! Before I officially joined this thread I saw when you were starting your journey and I could have been right there with you. Instead I chose to keep taking it and am only on day 10. Thanks for your supplement recs- I actually got both of those and have been taking them. Today I had to add back in a half of a wellbutrin but I appreciate you sharing this update.

I am finally understanding the importance of cutting off my doctor.

Keep it up and thanks for inspiring us!!!!

You're welcome! I'm glad you are trying the supplements, they really have been helping me. At first, not as much. but I just told myself that the post acute withdrawal I experienced during months 1-6 was my brain healing and it was necessary for my recovery. This helped me accept my funky disposition. I'm at 6 1/2 months now and my PAWS days last 24 hours, instead of a whole week. and they are few and far between. I started taking the coryceps at 6 months, so I believe those help tremendously. I'm cautiously optimistic though. I know that I still have more healing to do, but it is nice to enjoy some time feeling good again. Work is so much easier too! I'm telling you this because there is hope, things get better, DUMP YOUR DOC! lol. I still crave adderall sometimes, but instead of running from the cravings, I'm trying to explore my cravings. Like "what would happen if I followed this craving and relapsed." running through my mind the way I felt when I was laying in bed, still high on adderall. How miserable it was to be a prisoner of my own mind, how cut off I was from my emotions. It is not worth it at all!

Keep going, it gets so much better. Congrats on quitting adderall.

[DelaneyJuliette]

3 hours ago, sirod9 said:

You're welcome! I'm glad you are trying the supplements, they really have been helping me. At first, not as much. but I just told myself that the post acute withdrawal I experienced during months 1-6 was my brain healing and it was necessary for my recovery. This helped me accept my funky disposition. I'm at 6 1/2 months now and my PAWS days last 24 hours, instead of a whole week. and they are few and far between. I started taking the coryceps at 6 months, so I believe those help tremendously. I'm cautiously optimistic though. I know that I still have more healing to do, but it is nice to enjoy some time feeling good again. Work is so much easier too! I'm telling you this because there is hope, things get better, DUMP YOUR DOC! lol. I still crave adderall sometimes, but instead of running from the cravings, I'm trying to explore my cravings. Like "what would happen if I followed this craving and relapsed." running through my mind the way I felt when I was laying in bed, still high on adderall. How miserable it was to be a prisoner of my own mind, how cut off I was from my emotions. It is not worth it at all!

Keep going, it gets so much better. Congrats on quitting adderall.

You know this is so helpful.  I am at 2 months and because things are so so so so much better it's interesting how often I forget that there are still going to be "PAWS days."  Its like when they happen a part of me forgets that it could still be PAWS b/c I've been feeling so good for so long.  It's so helpful for me to hear you say this b/c you're so right - in the beginning it was a PAWS week.  Now it is a day.  Or sometimes even only part of a day.  But it is useful for me to give myself grace and compassion when this happens and acknowledge that it's a real and normal thing, instead of beating myself up or wondering what's wrong with me.  I read some wise words by someone on this forum (I don't remember who now) the last time I quit that I am just remembering now.  It was something along the lines of, "Oh yeah, I just remembered that less than xyz months ago I could turkey-quit a full-blown years long amphetamine addiction."  Like holy shit, when I put it that way, it helps me to give myself grace.  :-)