Beautiful Disaster </3 Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hi everyone, I am back on the forum after another break (being back on adderall)... I have been taking it for almost 3 years and the longest break I have taken from it is probably only 5 days. I am wondering how (especially in the beginning stages) you are able to wake up and decide to not take it. There was a time when I think adderall greatly affected my life, but I have been able to keep my dosage under control, so I think that it hasn't affected my personality as much the past year. Basically, (and I've said this in another post of mine) the only time that I truly want to quit is when I am scared for my health... adderall gives me heart palpitations and occasional chest pain, so when I am experiencing those symptoms is when I feel like quitting. This usually happens in the evenings... then in the morning I basically "trick" myself into thinking adderall is "good" and "okay" and take it again that day. I think I can answer this question for myself... and I know that the only way I'm going to quit is to find the strength within myself and to honestly want to quit for myself. I am just hopeful that I can do it... I am tired of being a hypochondriac and feeling like crap all day. I think the smartest thing for me is to just take it one day at a time... it scares me to say that "I will never take adderall ever again," so maybe taking baby steps and telling myself that "I will not take adderall today" will help me. I am also curious if most of you told your family/close friends about your addiction/recovery? I have very traditional/strict(ish) parents that are not down with drugs... so I am absolutely terrified to tell them. Needless to say, I am 24 years old and no longer live with them, but I do slightly depend on them for financial reasons since I've been in between jobs a lot recently or (my current situation) when I have a part-time job. So, basically I talk to them frequently and they know a lot about my life. I don't know... I am sorry this is a long, rambling, post! I basically answered my own question, I guess... I am just trying to wrap my head around quitting... I know I am making it into a bigger deal than I need to, but I feel like adderall has control of my mind! Thank you to everyone for your support; everyone here is seriously wonderful <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Beautiful disaster, I think you're spot on when you say you have to want it for yourself. I told my parents with my counselor a year before I actually quit, and it was such a relief. My behavior was erratic, and they couldn't understand what was going on, though they had their suspicions. I have great parents, but worried that they'd be mad and be unsupportive of me. It was the opposite. I don't know if it's best to tell you parents or not. For me, I was afraid of messing up and going back to adderall, still am, but it's very good for accountability. We have a better relationship then we ever have. Deciding to quit was the hardest and most drawn own experience of my life. I was TERRIFIED, but what got me to that point of quitting was when I legitimately felt like I was losing my mind. I thought I was going to have heart attacks daily as well. For me the life of adderall became more painful than the fear of quitting, so that's when I quit. I think when you say a day at a time, that's absolutely true. Some people can decide they want to stop and say "never again." I'm six and a half months clean, and I still focus on a day at a time. There's something comforting in that, and I think that's why AA and NA stress it so much. You're not making a bigger deal or this than it is. It is awful, but I think you'll get to a point when you decide you're ready, for yourself. Don't let the fear overwhelm you. I had to cut off my supply by telling my doctor I shouldn't be prescribed anymore and by deleting my dealer's numbers and telling anyone I knew that had adderall to please keep it away from me. It sounds extreme, but I was in so deep. I don't know if this helps at all, but I want you to know I felt the same things you're feeling when I quit. I just couldn't control my use at that point...100 mgs+ a day. If I can do it, you can do it. I have faith in you, and I wish you the very best! One day at a time!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Are you able to go the a doctor and get an EKG? the doctor that prescribed adderall to me had me get one before he'd prescribe it. He said it used to be standard procedure to get patients an EKG before putting them on adderall, but that in recent years that had changed, though he still did it (probably very responsible of him). You might have yourself checked out... if you feel heart palpitations and chest pain I definitely would. I had a little mole on my chest by my armpit that slightly itched in the shower one day, I had that checked out, turned out to be melanoma... fortunately I did that and they caught it early and that was that, but if I'd of ignored it and done nothing, probably wouldn't be writing this... Regarding your parents. My folks were good dedicated parents as well, did everything they best they could, provided a great upbringing for me and my sister and were 100% there for us. I had a bad addiction when I was early 20's (not to adderall), and it got so out of hand that I told them. I can not believe how good they were about it. That was immediately the beginning of the end (even though it took a few more years and thousands of their dollars in recovery houses. They weren't exactly understanding, because they wondered what they'd done wrong, when in reality it had nothing to do with them, but they were there for me and were a part of my recovery and their non-co-dependence helped even though I hated it at the time. Adderall is a prescription addictive drug. Its a much different scenario. If you think their help would help you, you might consider talking to them. You were prescribed it, it is addictive, it is easy to abuse... If you're having a hard time stopping all together, and you want to and think you should, then telling them might help you. On the flip side, I haven't talked to them about my issue with adderall. It's been one week for me. I don't fight it though, it's not calling to me at all. I feel a fuck ton (that's a lot) better now and am liking the way I'm feeling and the changes I can already see in my life as a result of not taking it, so that's my motivation to keep doing what I'm doing. I don't think any doctor recommends that we stop cold. I asked my doctor last time I saw him about what happens when if ever I wanted to quit, I think they'd recommend a slow lowering of dose, though I'm not sure. Have you read up online about how to quit and what is recommended? I haven't. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 B D I see you are still struggling with addeall lets try to put your problem into prospective .You are having physical symptoms this is something you can not hid its not in your head they are reel symptoms and its not a hypochondriac issue this is a reel symptom. How many times will you talk to god and say. I mean when your in pain and your hart is pounding what comes out of your mouth O GOD jest get me thru this one more night I promise you I will not use adderal again. BD how many times have you spoken to COD before asking him or her to get you thru another night of heart palpitations am I Wright about this . About your parents how would you like it if they got a call from the ER the nurse speaking your Child is in our hospital with a heart issues. Man would that be a trip for you then you will have no choice in the madder Butt to confess about your adderal us . BD you are her at our forum for a reason you want some help to get off the shit. Your parents Love you and would do anything to help you butt you need to remind your self something you are still dependent on there support you are not 100% on your own yet SO I am thinking tell them the problem you are dealing with if you want to continue to use adderall. Or stop take the shit and you can keep your little secret to your self no harm don and no hurt feelings is this how you what them to find out about your adderall usage from the ER room. So listen UP here young blood your body is giving you a warning sign Its telling you stop giving me adderall I am hurting in her so listen to your body speaking to you before it shots down and your parents get the Call from the ER. YES You can learn to live your life without it adder all 90% of the members on this sit are doing it. No its not going to be easy it is a hard journey for recovery and you do need to retrain your body how to live clean. BD I hope you make the Wright decision we are all here for you We are all in the same journey. Song for my friend 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennablu Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 Hey beautiful Disaster, I was like you about 6 months ago. I would quit ~ then start again ~ then quit. It took me a long time to realize how it was negatively effecting my life. I truly and honestly did not think I had a problem even though I was taking double to triple my dose! It sounds so cliche ~ but admitting, to myself, that I had a problem was the first step! I was scared to death about telling my mom ~ but I could not have done this without her. She was disappointed but so supportive! You will get to the point where there is more bad then good. For me, I had to quit cold turkey! Sober I would tell myself 'I'll just take my dose, 40 mg etc.' then next thing you know I had taken my whole bottle in less then a week. Hang in there! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted October 29, 2012 Report Share Posted October 29, 2012 I had to cut off my supply, tell Dr. I didn't want it anymore. There's no way I could have quit with pills around. I don't have that kind of willpower. It needs to be out of sight, out of mind. I didn't tell my family about it. Only my husband and two close friends knew about my addiction. Quitting is going to be a lonely endeavor, with or without your family knowing, so don't tell them unless you really want to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beautiful Disaster </3 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 Thank you everyone SO much for your kind words and support... literally everyone who responded said something that really hit home for me, and that means a lot. I couldn't wait to get on here tonight to tell you all something about my day... I didn't take any adderall!!!!! And I feel okay! I definitely ate quite a bit more than I normally do, but food tasted amazing today and I don't regret getting a little overboard... i just don't want to do that every day I think that the best motto for me is to just take it day by day... tomorrow I will see if I can go through another day without adderall. One thing that I am a little concerned about (that I have noticed previously on days that I've skipped taking it) is how I get irritated a lot easier when I don't take it... I was like this before I ever took adderall and the adderall kind of makes that go away. I have noticed that when I get that irritable feeling, excercising helps a lot. So maybe continuing to workout 3+ days/week will help keep the irritability down... anywhoooo just wanted to share my successfull day Thanks again for all the support I've received... you all are my internet angels! xo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beautiful Disaster </3 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 Are you able to go the a doctor and get an EKG? the doctor that prescribed adderall to me had me get one before he'd prescribe it. He said it used to be standard procedure to get patients an EKG before putting them on adderall, but that in recent years that had changed, though he still did it (probably very responsible of him). I did get an EKG done about 3 years ago when I thought I was having chest pain (just anxiety) and again about 2 months ago when I was experiencing a lot of heart palpitations/fluttering. Fortunately, they were both okay which eased some of my anxiety (unfortunately, that caused me to feel like it was "okay" to take the adderall again a couple months ago... ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted October 30, 2012 Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 Bd don’t get so hyped up. Wright how it is only day one for you from what I understand and from my experience is the adderall is still in your system you will need to grin and bar it for the next 7 to 10 days this is when the real withdraw comes Knocking at your door and fucking with your soul .Jest hang in there it will not be a cake walk. Myself I was incapacitated for about 12 days. Please do not submit to the chronic fatigue you will most likely have please do not take adderall to subside the symptoms you will most likely have do it for your self free yourself from the adderal you will find your thru self after you finish your crash landing stage. We all go thru it don’t be paranoid you will not die you will jest be miserable as hell god be with you your friend FALCON Sorry for telling it the way it is good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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