Made a bold move. Need advice.

[Whittering]

I've been off Adderall now for 313 days. I'm completely back to normal, loving life, I have a new job, work from home, everything is good.

My husband, on the other hand, has been increasing his dosage considerably and is taking 120 mg per day. He's gotten completely out of hand, angry all the time, barking orders, working constantly till 3 and 4 o'clock in the morning and then goes to work at 8:30. He is not a fun dad for the kids to be around. He gets mad everytime I would try to broach the "Adderall" subject with him. He told me back in the spring he would start tapering off and be completely done with it by the end of summer. In August I started counting his pills and figured out he had actually upped his dosage. He yelled at my daughter and made her cry over something stupid (Cardinals lost) and I decided to take matters into my own hands. So on October 22 I took his whole bottle of pills. He was so pissed and stormed around here for a week slamming doors and not talking to me. He even moved into the game room.

Actually I would have given him his pills back (probably) if he had come and talked with me the first day I took them. I was trying to really just get his attention. But I've been talking to this friend of mine who said don't give them back under any circumstances. My husband and I finally talked last night. I told him I just wanted my husband back. He said he's going to lose his job. I said maybe it would be the best thing for you. I told him we tried his way and it didn't work. I told him we couldn't go back to the Adderall hell we were living in while he was on it. He said he couldn't just go cold turkey and I told him that was a hard limit for me. It was Adderall or me and the kids.

Now I'm thinking I've been listening and taking advise from someone (my friend) who knows aboslutely nothing about adderall and maybe I should give him some back to taper off. I don't want him to lose his job. He's been off it 16 days now. Any advice?

[Cassie]

That's a crappy situation. I don't think it matters if you give him back the pills or not since he will be refilling his prescription in 14 days or less. And he's definitely not going to be leaving them in a place where they can be confiscated by you again. I don't know if weaning is possible for heavy users like him, unless you are meticulously in charge of the prescription bottle and you are both on the same page as far as quitting timeline. I failed at weaning and I was on 1/4 of his dose so I'm skeptical of a much heavier addict succeeding. If I were in your situation I'd insist on going to a marriage counselor and explain how his drug use is ruining your lives, maybe that will wake him up a little. Anyone else have advice?

[sky]

yeah I think that the addict in all of us would be able to figure out how to circumvent your solution in a heartbeat... it is so plentiful and available, hell he could tell his Rx that he dropped them, they got wet, they got stolen, etc... they're pretty readily available on craigslist, and he probably knows someone who also has them.... no one is ready to quit until they're ready. until he sees the destruction its doing, and hits bottom.... peoples bottoms vary, but if he is to the point where you fear you and the kids might be in danger then just go. Ultimatums don't work, again, there are ways of manipulating any situation if you put your mind to it, so HE has to decide enough is enough, it's ruining his life, life will be better without it, etc.... its become a crutch, maybe he'll figure it out, hopefully. I wouldn't take the pills, I understand your motivation, but again, we're all pretty clever when we want to be, and now you're someone else he has to hide it from.... plus, it is a drug and quitting cold turkey could be harmful, I'm not sure, that is for the MD to answer, but you might take care of yourself and your kids and let him figure it out on his own...... you gotta decide that based on your dynamic and who he is, you know better than me what would probably happen.

[sky]

also you don't want, out of desperation, for him to make a bigger problem trying to get more... ie. buying on craigslist, trying to write his own scrip, trying to get another MD to write him a scrip, etc.... lots of things could go wrong if he is desperate enough.

[FALCON]

Hi there you said your husband has 16 days without adderall .Are you sour about that maybe he has a secret stash or maybe he is buying off of someone he knows that sells adderall or anther stimulant type drugs . Do not underestimate a drug addict we will tell you what you want to here. When I was using I had half a dozen contacts jest in Cass I ran out of shit. If your husband is truly off the adderall it would be a real waste of time because he would have invested 16 days of detoxification time and wasted 16 days of withdraw symptoms . When your husband tells you he will lose his job he is trying to play you by telling you this. Its a tactics we addicts use when we want to pacify someone. What he is trying to convince you of is your family will loose there security if he looses his job don’t believe him. If he is trustfully 16 days clean his head should be somewhat clear for you and him to have a talk about his adderall use do not avoid the subject . How is the time to become series about the adderall use and how you fell when it comes to drug use. Maybe even seek out a professional family therapist. This is the perfect time . I was marred for 20 years. I lost my marriage do to my addictions I have 2 great kids 20 and 24 your children grow up so frikin fast do not let your husband waste these presses’ times when tour kids are young you can not get the great years back. Believe me sister Iv bin down that road your hobby’s on . SKY and CASSIE made some very good post I agree with them. DON’T LET THE 16 DAYS BE WASTED Your new friend THE FALCON.

[ashley6]

Addicts are some of the most manipulative people on the planet. Maybe I shouldn't generalize that statement, but I sure was. I'm not a manipulative person when I'm sober, but on drugs, I lied and did what it took to get my pills. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he's ready to quit, but maybe he'll weigh his options when given your ultimatum. I personally don't think taking them away from him is a good idea. He'll find a way if he wants them, and like sky said the addict has to want to quit. You've got to do what's best for you and your children. I agree with Cassie, possibly marital counseling. Maybe if you don't make the counseling about him, he'll be more inclined to do it if he's anti-therapy. My counselor says many times her patient can only get their spouse to counseling if they ask them to go in support of them, so it doesn't seem like an attack on the spouse. You're in a tough situation. I hope you get it worked out...best wishes.

[Whittering]

Thanks guys. I went cold turkey back in December and used L-Tyrosine to help get me off. I have offered these to him and to date he's not taken them but agreed to start if I thought that would help. He's not getting any Adderall right now I know, because I can tell he's going through withdrawals, sleeping all the time and late for work and not going to work. Plus his old personality is starting to resurface when he is awake. He's playful with the kids and we're having good conversations again. He's more relaxed and back to being his former self - the one I married.

I already have an appointment with a marriage counselor next Monday. He does not want to go with me. As you said Ashley, he thinks it will all be about bashing him for being an Adderall addict.

I don't believe he would get fired. He's too valuable to his company and they should cut him some slack. He doesn't believe me when I tell him how horrible he is on Adderall. He has no empathy and is angry all the time. The girls are literally scared to ask him anything or talk to him. He told me if it's really as bad as I'm saying it is,he doesn't want to be on it but I'm just scared the addiction part is going to win out.

I asked him if he was going to get his pills refilled and he said he'd have to get back with me on it, which to me meant yes. So I have a hard decision to make.

Falcon and Cassie, thanks for your comments. I've decided I'm not giving them back. 16 days sober and starting to see glimmers of my old husband back is giving me some hope. But you are right Sky, he's got to want to be clean. I don't know if he wants it bad enough. Maybe us leaving will be his rock bottom. Maybe he has to lose it all to figure out what's important. He is trying to manipulate me to get some just to get by at work. If I give in though, he will never get off them. I would become an enabler. I just have to keep coming back to this site and hear back from my support group (which is you guys) that I'm doing the right thing. I think taking them away got his attention, but you are right, he can get back on them anytime he wants, especially when his prescription is back up. God, this is going to be a long road to tow. Please pray for me.

[GDTRFB]

My best wishes to you and your family.

[Defunct]

Hi Whittering, how is everything now? I just read about your situation and it's devastating. Being caught between being a loving, empathetic and caring wife and not being a doormat is a really hard thing. Have you thought about going to AlAnon or talking with others who have dealt with this kind of situation?

I can only talk from my side, the only thing that made me stop was when I did in fact lose my job. Took a terrible toll on my marriage; I honestly think the addiction was my spouse because I paid more attention to it than I did my husband's cry for help. He too said he wanted me to quit, started counting pills, which is what drove me to take more, strangely. I was desperate to "not be controlled" and filled with the false sense of infallibility which adderall fills you with. Such a hard time, you have my thoughts.