My first attempt to quit

[MajorLazer]

Hi everyone,

My name is Alex and in the past week I've come to the conclusion that I am addicted to adderall.

I am 19 years old and i was diagnosed with severe ADD and minor ADHD about 5 years ago. I am currently prescribed to 20mg Amph. Salts and 50mg Vyvanse and am supposed to be taking one of each everyday. I cant even remember the last time i followed that. On average, i take 2 of each and sometimes more on the weekends and have definitely been in the 300mg range before. What made me come to the realization that i have a problem is in the past week ive gone 4 out of 7 days with no sleep. Because of this ive decided to try to quit cold turkey. But theres a problem with this. Why would i want to quit? I love adderall.

Before i go on, i'd like to share a little more about myself and adderall. I am currently a full time student studying Criminal Justice. But my true love is music, specifically EDM. I am also an amateur producer with hopes and dreams of going to a two year school for music production after i earn my CJ degree. The highlight of my day is when i can pop an addy, put on my headphones, work on my music, and just completely escape from the world. God just thinking about it just makes me want to say fuck this and just delete this post. Without adderall, getting through work, class, and homework is a living hell and honestly im afraid to quit because of the fact ill have to go through this living hell.

But after i came across this site i asked myself "Why do you want to quit?" Here is how i answered this: I cannot function without it, I am underweight because of how little i eat which in turn has set me back in sports, I barely sleep anymore even if im dead tired, I feel like im getting psychological problems, even when i am not on it my heart beats way too hard and way too fast. And probably the main concern personally is because id rather sit in front of my computer on a Friday night instead of go out and hangout with people, my social skills are definitely at an all time low.

Now that you know my problem maybe you can help me. I feel too good on adderall to want to quit but i need to stop before it gets out of hand. Im posting my story this morning in hopes somebody will read this and help me to gain the strength to want to quit and hopefully be successful at it. My biggest fear and main question to ask anybody reading this is this: if i do end up successfully quitting, will i be able to ever be as productive without it as i am on it?

I really do sincerely appreciate those willing to take their time to read my story. My prayers go out to you and everybody else struggling with this addiction.

[StartingOver3]

Majorlazer,

It will take tremendous will-power for you to finally say "I am done," but when you are ready to say it, you have got to be 100% committed. I quit cold-turkey on October 30th, and during the first part of November it was a huge struggle. Looking back, over one month clean, I am so unbelievably proud and happy that I made the decision to quit. I was like you, abusing the hell out of my prescription, going days without sleep, hardly eating, and closing myself off from the world, and this went on for 3 years. What made me decide to quit was because of how poor my social life had become. Now that I've been clean for awhile, my personality, sense of humor, and love to socialize has came roaring back. I don't know if you're ready to quit now or not. When you are, realize the road ahead will suck, you won't be very productive for a few weeks, but you will regain your sense of ambition and work ethic. GO FOR IT MAN! Read my story if you wish, it's titled "It's My Time." Good luck, Alex!

[FALCON]

MajorLazer

Hey there young blood first of all you have a stupid doctor why in the world is he proscribing you 2 deferent kinds of speed he is a fucket up doctor a quack or what ever. Its only my opinion of course I do not have a PHD butt I did graduate from the college of comen sense .My comen senses tells me you are in deep shit my little brother we need to get you off this shit ASAP before you DIE and your parents will need to put you in the ground .It is not your fault little bro its your doctors fault for medicating you with this shit you probably needed the drugs to get you thou your school years butt you do not need it any more .You can live a very productive life stimulant free You are already experiencing symptoms of speed withdraw first is tolerance the longer your on speed the more you will need to take to be effective for you. You are loosing sleep not good it will bring you into zombie land if it hasn't already. Your social life is spiraling down you jest what to be alone and be tweaked out your heart is pounding like it wants to blow up and it will pop sooner or later. All these sings are telling your body STOP GIVING ME SPEED .So here is my question to you little brother are you ready to quit using speed are you ready little bro think about your family if or even when you die from this shit we call adderall speed junk .I see you have some sense in your head because you came looking for help and you can see the problems the speed is doing to you and your body .This is the first step in quitting adderall its the realization that your fucked up. You fond this web shit not by accident you where led here by a higher power so take advantage of it our members where in the shoes as your in now and we will give you the support you need in getting clean welcome little brother good luck in your withdral and recovery time.

Your new friend THE FALCON

[GetToIt]

First off, I want to say I love the Falcon, man. He is on every post on this forum and I believe if there were a common sense university, he'd have a PhD. Probably the most valuable degree anyone could have these days.

Secondly, I know well the feeling of simply liking the medication, even taken in the regular, prescribed amounts. It is the most effective rationalization that was every perpetrated against me. But therein lied the scariest part of my adderall addiction, my very judgement, which I relied on first before nearly everything in my life, had been circumvented by the drug. Once I realized that i HADN'T realized this fact, I knew I was in a tough spot and I needed to get out of it. For me, it meant looking closely with a clear head over the past 2 weeks on adderall, then the past 2 months, then the past 2 years. When I realized what it truly had affected in my work, I got the chills. I felt like Marty McFly when he realized that one single event triggered several others that turned his dad into a loser and his family into a failure - except I have no delorean to fix everything and return to 1985.

It sounds like the feelings might trump judgement for you too - but your obviously too smart to let it go unnoticed for too long. Sure, you can pop it, feel good about your work and a strong sense of comfort about what you're doing - but to really stop and evaluate without drugs in you might reveal something you haven't been able to on the day to day with adderall & vyvanse.

Thanks for posting, your honesty with yourself is what makes each of us on the site through one more day of recovery.

[FALCON]

GetToIt

Thank you for the kind words brother it gives me grate pleser when I can help with my experience. It also helps me in my own recovery process by knowing I can make a deference in someone’s life with a little wisdom and conman sense. I also thank all my quitting adderall members for reading my shit GOD bless you all.

THE FALCON

[insharkywaters]

Seriously man, keep strong. I know everyone says this, but it gets better. When I quit using Adderall, my dosages were not far from your peak of 300mg/day. I was a strung-out, emaciated mess.

I'm a guitarist and songwriter, and I can identify with that escape Adderall gives while playing music. But, after I quit, I noticed my creativity and real passion for music skyrocket. Within three months of quitting, I received an offer to tour and record with a Nashville-signed band as a lead guitarist. After five months Adderall-free, I finished writing an album, which I plan to record over the next two months. It's difficult at first, but as time progresses, it does get easier. I would have never tapped into that creative well, if it wasn't for Adderall. When I play music now, however, I get a sense of fulfillment that totally transcends the rise-fly-crash-burn cycle that amphetamines gave me. It's indescribably more fulfilling.

Getting to this point wasn't easy. I essentially had to re-teach myself what it means to be motivated & take initiative, but I wouldn't have it any other way. As others suggest, eat healthy, exercise, and sleep.

If you are ever struggling or need to talk, feel free to message me!

[Defunct]

Hi MajorLazor,

How are you feeling about everyone's replies? I don't have anything really more to add except this: although it might feel like you're going to be a less effective person off adderall, and maybe you will be in the short term, try to think about it long term. You wouldn't have come here if you weren't at least a little worried and the thought of quitting is a daunting but necessary thing. You probably know deep down that adderall's not right for you (all of us here think the same way), but because you're not operating in a way that lets you trust your own judgment, you don't know what to act on, so you just take more "for today" and stop thinking about the big, hard questions. I've definitely been there... I used to say, "well I just need enough to get me through this business trip/presentation/proposal/analysis and then I'll be in a place to decide", and that day never seemed to come.

You've mentioned you're concerned with your heart and also some potential psychological impacts -- can you tell us more about that and what you're concerned about?

There are some really amazingly caring and smart people on this site - it's quite humbling to think all these people are here to help get you through if only you take the first step, which is what you have to do on your own.

Good luck, you can do it... just one step at a time.