Quitting Adderall Day 1

[roxbury27]

I took adderall for the first time almost 7 years ago, and I knew instantly that it was going to be a problem. Right away I got a prescription for it, and I have been abusing it ever since. Everything bad that has ever happened to me is because of adderall; car accidents, debt, isolation, failed relationships, job loss, poor grades, etc. etc. etc. I am 25 years old now, graduated, and about to start my dream job that could really turn things around for me; get me where I want to be in life. This is an incredibly scary crossroad for me. I lost my first real job out of college because I couldn't get past my adderall addiction. I was a total crack head nut case. But I didn't care. I couldn't care. All the adderall I was taking made me so numb, and out of touch with things, that I couldn't even feel anything. Not even my own shame and embarrassment. Because if I did, I'd just pop another one. And another one. And then maybe a half of another one. I could never think straight, or remember. I couldn't function. Period. And it was because of adderall. I'd say to myself 'tomorrow will be better. I won't take as much. Just enough so it works'. But I could never just take a little. Ever. Even now.

In college, I missed way more classes than I ever went to because I was crashing all the time. I never maintained contact with the friends I made there because I was always loading up on ridiculous amounts of adderall and studying for the classes I missed...Before I knew it, months would have passed without checking in with old friends.

This is the first critical turning point in my life. If I am to keep this job, I will have to do what I have not been able to do in 7 years. Will this be my line? If not, I'm terrified to think what is? I feel like posting my experience will help me some how.

My job starts in 2 days... I'll be in touch.

[FALCON]

Hey friend Adderall is not a drug you can turn on and off 7 years on the shit is a long time and Im sure your addicted .I am glad to heir your dissection to stop using adderall butt don’t think its like a peparation for a new job like buying a new pair of shoes or a new tie .When quitting aderall there is a crash landing period and a withdraw period you must go thru. I am truly hoping you will be ok at your new job without the shit. I don’t want to rain on your parade I jest know how difficult the first 2 weeks off adderall is. Doing cold turkey at the same time you start a new job will not be an easy task. If it gets to ruff on you with out adderall may I suggest you step down you will have less ill effects I don’t want adderall to fuck up your new carrier . I am jest giving you the heads up on what to expect for your first two week off the shit pack your lunch with plenty of red bull best luck in your new job if you need use you know where to come please keep use posted on your progress good luck in your new job.

THE FALCON

[quit-once]

Roxbury,

What a mess you have on your hands now! And its not just about you. You have a new employer who has taken a chance and hired you who will undoubtly be disapointed in your performance. You have a brother whom you have put in a very tight spot making him dole out your pills. And you are high on adderall staying up all night less than 48 hours from starting this new job, thinking you will do it just fine without adderall. Normally I don't respond to someone who writes a post when they are high because I can't be too sure they are really that serious about quitting. In your case, I can see that you really have to quit but you don't know how. Tough spot to be in. Here, I am responding to not just this topic but to all the posts you have made today, and here is my two cents:

At the level you have abused this drug, gradually reducing your dosage is really not an option, as you have stated that has been tried without success with your last job. You are going to drive your brother nuts begging for one pill at a time. I think you will have to go cold turkey, but wait till you have 2-3 days off in a row.

If you don't change your adderall-dependant behavior, you should expect the same results as you had from your last job. Using adderall in your new job and expecting a different result is simply insane. Go ahead, try to dose it down if you want but you have said yourself that just is not possible for you.

Be prepared for this new job not to work out so well as long as you are struggling with an adderall addiction. Bottom line is that you need to quit and move on with your life. Do you have to hit rock bottom and lose it all? I hope not.

[roxbury27]

Truth

[roxbury27]

But my first day was okay. Obviously, I've been through this 1000 times before so I knew what to expect. I came home and took a nap right away only only to wake up for some cake and water before going back to sleep for the night. Today was no different. Although instead of napping, I sat in my hot tub and then took a walk. I'm about to go to bed now, but I came on here because I said I'd talk about my experience. And quit-once? You aren't adding any insight. If anything, I feel like you are antagonizing me. Obviously I know this job won't be any different than the last if I don't do something. Why do you think I am on here? And no, I won't pester my brother for pills no matter how I feel because he'll just yell at me...and then call my doctor...which is against my addictions priorities. If anything, I just dig around his room while he is gone...which I did, but in vain. And I was glad. He never knew I had a problem, so he adds something I didn't have all the other times I tried to quit before. why are you on here?

[FALCON]

I agree with quittonce your are putting your brother between you and your addiction if he tells you that you cant have a pill you will get angry at him whey do you want to jeopardize your relationship with your brother because that’s exactly what will end up happening .By by giving your brother the responsibility of you adderall doses you are telling him that you are NOT 100% committed into quitting adderall don’t play games with this pill it always will win the play it is a strong Opponent .You need to be in control of your on adderall bottle You should be in charge of your own shit don’t give the responsibility to your brother. I went cold turkey over 80 days ago and I will never take adderall again it nearly cost me my life along with bensos and alcohol .One last comment to make I still have a nearly a full bottle of adderall on my night stand by keeping it there and looking the battle gives me my will power not to use the shit again I look at the bottle and I get disgusted of how the shit fucked up my life it all started out with a normal use and escalated into a living hell. I will discarded the bottle on my own terms‘. Then my game will be won.

FALCON

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

roxbury,

How is it going? Have you started your new job? Have you managed to balance it with the cold turkey? I certainly feel for you - the pressure of knowing what withdrawal means plus the stressors of a new job, not to mention the stressors you put on yourself (saying, "this is it for me") are all very significant.

Quit-once's post may have come across a bit tough-love but the point is harsh and true: all of us have been there and known just how tough it is to manage life, detox, go through withdrawal and just survive, let alone start another job.

I have been exactly in your position, for what it is worth. I lasted only 4 months at my "fresh start" new job, which was my big break to get it right. I was so addicted to adderall I had no idea what I was doing. I forgot names, people, I had no way of determining how to interpret the culture, how to build my network, how to gain trust of my manager and my direct reports. What a nightmare I must have been. So cringe-worthy. I was so paranoid I started competing with everyone, even people who were genuinely trying to help me. I thought everyone was out to get me and make me fail... so ironic considering how much investment they'd made in my

If I were you, I'd go straight to my boss TODAY and say that between the time you signed the offer letter and when you started, you were diagnosed with a medical condition and you are seeking treatment, but your doctor has advised that you take 2 weeks off as soon as possible to allow for a full recovery.

Wouldn't it be better for your employer to have you get in to the full flow your job a little bit later, as a fully functional human, than right now when you're just a mere shell of yourself? You'd be doing yourself, your career and your employer a favor.

You can ask for an FMLA.

Have a think about it over the next day or so, and PM me if you want to talk further.

[roxbury27]

Whoa Falcon, do you think I'd have this problem if I could be "in charge of my own shit"? Also, he's my brother and as such, he wants to be there for me. I don't agree with your attitude. If keeping your bottle full and within arms reach at all times helps you, then good for you. And like I said before, I dnt go after my brother crack head style, I want to quit, remember? Why do I always end up defending myself? Spare me your 'I've been around the block more than you, kiddo' attitude, okay? Family intervention is working for me. Day 3 was the same as days 1 and 2. My goal now is to not let myself crash into bed like I did my first day. I'm tying to fight through that that grungy unkept period I always find myself in after quitting for a few days. I did the hot tub walk thing again today to get my second wind. Motivation follows action- I'm doing fine. My first week is just reading watching presentations and other orientation type stuff. There is literally no pressure right now. Besides struggling to stay awake, things are going pretty smooth. G'night everyone.

[ashley6]

Roxbury,

I don't know why you're so defensive. No one is attacking or judging you. We're all in the same boat here, so while you might not like everyone's approach, you can learn a lot from these people who have been/are going through similar stuff. This site can be so helpful in your recovery... if you let it be.

[FALCON]

Hay little brother chill out my comments where in good faith. I jest wanted to open up your eyes .Family is probably your best support if I was your brother I would flush your shit down the toilet in front of you put you in bed like you have the flu or a bad hangover . Then I would give you chicken soup tea and reansher you that your not dieing that’s what I would do if I was your brother the way you are tiring to quit adderall may work or it may not work its not wort you jeperdizing your relationship with your brother you need to be in control of how much and when you should take your dos this is called will power and being your on boss of the addarall bottle. Please do not take any offence in my comments my intent is only for your best interest when you are finally off adderall you will think more clearly trust me it’s the withdraw making you fell like your being attacked. One other thing my brother lets not compare whom has Ben around the longest block this is not a pissing contest its about you taking the responsibility of quitting adderall into your own hands and noting else good lock and please don’t be angry keep us posted on your progress thank you FALCON

[Heather67]

Hmmmm,seems we have some of the how to do recovery thing going???? Obviously there are maybe some "page one in the handbook" things as addicts we could adhere to, but its also a very individual thing. If you put it out in N.A that u keep a bottle of pills around,they'd be like "good luck with that" I have no willpower with adderall when it's in my possession, that's my key...not having it.in the first place. I think roxbury is just trying to get through the shit hour by hour like we all have, or will have to do. And No matter what ,when we "f" it up we fail ourselves..theres no hiding from that, I keep a 100% open mind and even if its not how I'd do it,high 5 dude just do it. especially at the beginning ..I stayed clean when I got out of rehab just because they said I wouldn't!!! The stats were that only 1 in 45 of us were gonna even put together 6 months...that's all I had to hear. I wasn't doing anything about why I WAS AN ADDICT IN THE FIRST PLACE,God no..I was white knucklin it baby..no life in that tho just temporary,gotta do the personal work. But even having done some of the work and having those 3 years that I said I'd never ever take adderall again either,well I'm an example of addiction knowing my weakness,but it knows when you think you're all good too, life is so good that it'll be different this time,yeah it wont. It is cunning,baffling and powerful.

[Greg]

Neversaynever..I have also heard that statistic , only I heard 1 in 35 addicts cleans up for good.

[FALCON]

I guess the old saying is deferent strokes for deferent folks there is no hand book on kicking addiction. My bottle of adderall will be disposed of properly when I am ready to do so right now its What I need to keep my will power in check .When I look at my bottle of adderall I talk to it what I say is you fucken pill you scrod my life you are so addicting.Then the bottle talks back to me can you believe that it speaks my language even thaw it was manufactured in a furan country under a generic name .What it tells me is you stupid smock it wasn’t me whom got you addicted It was YOU you big smock .I don’t get angry at the bottle because the bottle tells it the way it is it was me myself and I whom got me addicted to adderall no one else there is no one to blame for my fuck ups butt my self .Sounds like I’m crazy right butt my thinking and coherency has never Ben stronger then it is today. One more thing when I am ready I will dispose of my bottle the proper way not the toilet bowl . I will bring my full bottle of adderall back to the shrinks office and have a conversation whit the man it will be a congeal talk I will ask him why he proscribed these outrages amounts of adderall to me. Every 3 mount visit .Maybe by me talking to the man he will realize he was making a mistake in his practice by over proscribing adderall like they are jolly belles candy .And maybe I can help at least one or more of his patient from addiction this my way of disposing my shit I will not sell it and I will not give it away this is my way into opening the shrinks eyes. He is over proscribing this drug .One thing I can say is I am not intimidated by any one no mater what the situation is. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it .Thank you for reading my shit God bless you all and I guess do what ever is more conferrable for your self when it comes to quitting adderall Like I said theirs no hand book only the experience from people who have quit successfully

THE FALCON

[Heather67]

That's cool falcon...like I said if it works for ya..and it fuels the recovery....let it be. I had a 12 step deal first time around...and it literally turned my life around and taught me shit I had no clue about at 38 years old. I got away from it slowly with a new marriage and a baby and a job...got complacent ya know? And chose to let my addict thinking justify that it was the only choice I had to handle my extreme life.I had a decent test run in staying clean ...obviously I was missing something tho..or I wouldn't be facing starting over again. LOL. Thanks on the feedback too.

[roxbury27]

End of week two. Yeah, I'm sorry. The withdraw is definitely messing with my emotions. Anyway, I stopped completely Wednesday after I got into a little routine. I feel really good. This last week I actually got to get involved with my job instead of reading and sitting through orientation. This makes combating my fatigue easier. I really think this is it for me u guys. I'm thinking about making the call to my dr. and telling her I'm having trouble taking my script as prescribed... I'm super fearful about it though. But that is my next goal. I got my eating under control right away so I haven't really gained any weight... I am constipated though (oh, shit just got real (pun totally intended)). I eat tons of fruits and veggies. I even drink prune juice. But anyway, that's my only complaint so far, I can't poop. Happy holidays everyone!

[Heather67]

I'm so stoked for you roxbury!!!! That you're in such a better place than when u first posted this. I have posted a lot but didn't quite know when my "ready" was going to be. Well,that'd be today. It was prompted by a definite shit happens for a reason chain of events. I am so fuckin scared of tomorrow ..the second day on for me is the worst..day one is a bit of residual and adrenaline

Going thru Christmas with a 3 year old and w/d...what a cluster fuck!!!! But reading your post helps, you're in the early stages and you've stuck it out. Thanks for the update..I need all the inspiration I can get.

[quit-once]

To Roxbury: Good job putting those pills down last week. I really believe this is the only way you will succeed in your new job. Do whatever it takes to stay off it. Did you tell your brother to dispose of the remaining supply? Calling the doctor to cancel takes a lot of courage. If you are not comfortable telling her you were abusing it, just say that you had some really bad side effects and they don't work for you or agree with you anymore, and no, you don't want to try another stimulant medication. But it is important that you cut off that supply option.

Neversaynever: There is no time like now to buck up and go through with the quit. Your little kid is full of kid energy and you will be dragging ass. Whatever shit happened for a reason, it did happen so now is the time to deal with it, and no matter what you have to deal with, it will be easier to handle without the complications of that awful adderall addiction. It is a long road through the recovery forest but it has to begin with the first mile. Congratulations.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

neversaynever. Tell us your plan. I really fear you're going to relapse unless you have a plan for how you're going to allow youself to rest, especially during Christmas? You know what you're in for... don't be dumb and set yourself up for failure! We are here to support you just let us know what YOU are doing to support you.

[FALCON]

roxbury27

Hey there brother I know I was a little ruff on you on my last post butt it was all in good intention its called tuff love from a friend. Congratulations on week two. .A question if I recall your brother is giving you your prescribed amount how is that working for you .I believe your plan is to step down to your prescribed dos or is your plan to quit adderall all together I’m a little confused ether way you are getting a taste for things to come it’s a hard and bumpy road ether way I hope your choice is to completely get off the shit all together brother adderall will rub your soul no matter how much your taking its jest a matter of time it will take your soul away even at 10mig a day it’s a evil pill trust me the members have bin there. In ether case I do wish you the best of luck and I hope it will be a uneventful journey in quitting adderall keep on the web site it will help you in whit the support your looking for.

Your friend FALCON

[Heather67]

I have made it through day one with an insane headache and in bed all day but hanging in and pushing thru. My son is at his grams till Monday..then he'll be home with me and my mom and ill keep pushing my ass upright even in the official uniform of detox..sweats and a hoodie. I had a chain of events on Fri a.m that needed to happen...had to try the lost script route outta desperation...I was asked to call the pharmacist...which I did..he said"we have a problem heather..you have a few Dr 's".. I said " we don't have a problem ..I HAVE A PROBLEM AND IM AWARE IT MUST Stop" tryin to get thru Xmas. He said in 23 years no one he's confronted just owned it vs. Denying it. I said I'm an addict I don't want to be an asshole too. I have now been red flagged and I'm glad!!! There will be no legal action taken and this pharmacist is a cool dude who is doing what more of em should be and I respect that because I was at the end of the road. I've been there before so I'm trying to stare it down and accept defeat...go easy on myself and get a healthy life back for my son and myself...here come the tears...all I can do is post...read...take advice and know that each day is a step forward. Thanks to all of you for being where I've been and reminding me where I can go. Happy holidays.

[FALCON]

neversaynever

Hey girlfriend you knew some day you would get busted you have a cool pharmacist they could have called DIA and put a report in ,I think its a blessing or the way I like to put it its destiny it was meant to happen It’s a sign for you to stop using adderall do you get it. Keep us posted on how your doing Good speed you can quit using adderall I know you can get the will power up and running it’s your strongest weapon to beet this drug.

Your friend FALCON

[Heather67]

Yup,yup...we're into day 3 and I'm like a walking zombie...dropping shit, light headed and jittery but not the kind I like. It is over for me...I have no resources or means and I will not seek any out. Due to the red flagging it would be useless anyway. And i am not willing to cross the johnny law line this time out. God gave me a warning and im taking it. So unless someone knocks on my door and says here's some addies for ya....its a. wrap. I know the drill...I did it before and went on to get 3 years clean off adderall. I once helped others with experience strength and hope like you guys are helping me. I have to keep it though...no one will hand that to me. I've seen both lives...the one with and the one without...without is much easier..less taxing and more rewarding. I can't be anything but an addict when I'm on it.. the sky's the limit without it. So hoodies up and im'a. Get through another day! !! Thanks to u all.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

neversaynever, wow. I find myself wanting to know where you lived and hoping it was nearby so I could help... cook meals, look after your kid, whatever was needed. I AM SO IMPRESSED... I'm no pharmacist either, btu I too have never heard of anyone admitting their own problem to the chemist. He sounds like a good dude, maybe you could ask him for advice on how to get through; have him give you some free supplements etc. People have a genetic predisposition to want to help... you should ask, at least.

Hold on to the knowledge that you have successfully done this before.. that it DOES get better. Think about all the good things you have ahead of you -- a sense of humor, being able to enjoy other people, go to bed at night knowing you've been in control of most things in your life (we are never in control of everything, as I am still trying to learn!).

Remember: today is a new day with no mistakes in it.

[Heather67]

Hahaha...I live in a little beach.town in Rhode island called.Westerly. and funny that u mention it cuz he told me to come and talk to him on Friday but I had no way to get there...so it will be tomorrow ...he wants to help and I want him.to know how I got where I am...and thank.him for saying he was proud of me. I cried when a pharmacist said this to me. Things happen for us all in strange and unique ways....if it hasn't happened for someone on here yet...I hope it will. If it has...I thank you for probably sharing that with me already. And hell yeah....ill take some meals cooked up for me...LOL. but I'm doing OK I think. I have friends that have checked on me and ill keep going.

[Heather67]

Still feeling super out of it....not at all like the me on speed and not like the me I don't even remember yet. Just getin thru in my sweats...and so glad everyone's on the same casual Christmas ...not for the same reasons as me. But ill take it. The leisurely pace that is. And a medium rare tenderloin tomorrow ....friends and family that are always there for me....its my job to ask for help. I hope as the clock ticks down you are all enjoying your own holiday situations and traditions....its gonna get better if we let it.So enjoy and be safe and be thankful for what we have been given on yet another day.