Scared

[fight.this.]

Hello there everyone. It's been a while since I've posted on here. I've been off adderall for around four months now and I've noticed a lot of changes in me. Some positive, some negative. However, I'm starting to find that the negatives are far outweighing the positives when it comes to the state of my mental activity. My brain just cannot and will not work like it used to while on the pill. It's all cloudy and foggy and slow. Now, this wouldn't even bother me if I didn't have such demanding mental tasks ahead of me, but I'm going away to college in nine days and I'm starting to doubt my capabilities as a future student. These past four months I've been without adderall have been wonderful emotionally. I didn't have to work and all I've been doing is working out, eating fairly healthy, and enjoying life for the first time in a while. However, I'm 23 years old and I've always wanted to go away to college for the experience of being on my own and getting a good education. I've decided to get a four year degree to become an elementary school teacher. It's something I can see myself doing that would be rewarding and not too mentally demanding ( I wouldn't have to be on adderall the rest of my life as I'd be teaching an easy curriculum to the children. ) However, I still have around three or four years of college ahead of me and my confidence as a student has diminished now that I'm off adderall and now that I've realized how much I've abused my brain. I just can't think as efficiently as I used to. It's like my brain decided to take a vacation these last four months and now that I have five classes I'll be taking this semester, the idea of being off adderall sounds like academic suicide. I really don't want to be on it. I've enjoyed being relaxed and happy...more myself. But FIVE CLASSES!! I just can't see myself getting through the semester without my little orange pills. Now, I promised myself that I'd give college a shot without adderall and see how it goes....but that's whats scaring me. What if I can't keep up my grades on my own? Abusing adderall seems to have given me ADD....I don't know if I ever even had ADD when my doctor prescribed it to me..I most likely didn't. But now I'm experiencing the very symptoms that adderall was supposed to cure. Its a self induced nightmare. I want a good future for myself and for the numerous kids I'll be teaching. But being sober and having all this school hanging over my head seems like a recipe for disaster and serious relapse. I'm just so scared to fail...I have too much ambition...I want to do it all: straight A's, stay skinny, intensive workouts, eating healthy, being organized, intelligence. GAH! It's all too much to achieve. I'm doomed.

[quit-once]

Why did you quit?

One of the underlying principles of Eastern medicine is that any drug (or treatment), when abused or used improperly, will actually cause or worsen the condition it was meant to treat.

So if you think resuming adderall use will help you sail through four years of college,.... you should also go and invest your tution money with Bernie MadeOff while he is still in prison. I hear he has some really good ponzis.

Why did you quit?

[sky]

you're setting yourself up for failure and you haven't even started yet. with or without it you're fucking yourself from the he go. without you're going to fail cuz you got ADD from adderall, with it you're going to be fucked cuz now you're abusing adderall again. problem is you, your train of thought. get off the fence, quit thinking of it as an option, figure out another way, don't create more problems for yourself.

[fight.this.]

I quit because I hated the way it made me feel. My mind was constantly running and there was no off switch. I quit to be more spiritual, more awake, less thought consumed. I quit because I want to know I can do things without a pill...I want REAL motivation and will power. I want to learn life skills without cheating. Life is supposed to be challenging and adderall takes away the challenge. I feel I'll never grow like I'm supposed to if I stay on it.

[fight.this.]

And yes, perhaps I've set myself up for failure with going back to college but I'm going to try to do this the right way. I only have this spring semester to get through....five months. That's it. Just five months. If I can make it without adderall and try my hardest, maybe I can pull off a 3.2 gpa. That's all I need. Maybe this is the hill I need to get over to realize I'm capable of doing the rest of my education without adderall. I won't have but one class in the summer which will seem like a breeze after taking five classes...and the classes I'm taking aren't terribly demanding. Maybe I can do this. I mean, some support would be nice instead of telling me that I don't have a chance. I already have doubt in me. It's not encouraging to have to hear it from someone else as well. I took a statistics class this past summer and only used adderall a few times throughout the class and aced it. I studied without the pill numerous times and actually got better grades on the tests where I didn't use adderall. That's what's giving me hope. I know I can do this. It's not impossible. Nothing is. If I can make it just through this semester....

[sky]

reread what I said, I was reiterating what you said- not discouraging you. to sum up, get off the fence, you are better off without it, going to school isn't setting yourself up for failure, thinking you can't do it with or without adderall is. you can do it without and you'll be much better off, going back to it to get thru college will be creating more and bigger problems to deal with.

[ashley6]

Fight.this,

Congratulations on quitting. That's huge, and your fear of failure without adderall is completely normal, especially after recently quitting. Some of your fears are founded. It does make it more difficult to do things that you associate adderall with making you successful, and there's a legitimate concern there; however, I think much more of it is the belief that adderall makes you successful. I started adderall my sophomore year of college, and I thought it was what was missing my whole life. I can tell you that looking back on my grades in college, they actually were only good the first year of adderall use. I thought I was a freaking genius while using adderall, but looking back my grades weren't even good, and my grades slowly got worse. It was that false sense of confidence that adderall brought on that kept me using and brought me to being a full-blown adderall addict. I ended up not even graduating because of my addiction, after lying to my family for a year telling them I did graduate. This is not who I am, but it became who I was on adderall....a liar that was too busy being string out to finish college (the whole reason I started adderall in the first place). I'm telling you my story to let it be a lesson to you. You didn't specify if you were abusing adderall, but if you were, it will only get worse when starting again. I'm here 8 years later trying to clean up the pieces of my life that fell apart due to my adderall abuse: college, reestablishing relationships I let fall apart with the ones I love most, and trying to figure out who I am again. You can do it without adderall. It's scary, but it's even scarier having to clean up the mess of adderall addiction. I wish you the very best. Message me anytime.

[Cassie]

Confidence and motivation after Adderall take a really long time to come back, a lot longer than four months for sure. Four months sober was a really fearful time for me too, and yes, you do have ADD after Adderall use. It is not all in your head, there are real physical changes taking place as your brain slowly tries to heal itself. I'm telling you though, when you've been off Adderall for a year, you will be amazed how much different you feel than you feel right now. You will look back and shake your head in amazement at how addicted you were and how all your thoughts revolved around this shit. At four months I felt pretty stupid too. Four months is not a long time to be sober. After a year I feel 100 times smarter and saner than I did on Adderall. Just do whatever you can to get through the rest of your first year sober without Adderall, and you will never dream of taking it again. Just crap out assignments and muddle through your first semester. Let time pass.

[FALCON]

#1fight.this

Hello and welcome to the form ADD ADHD this is all bull shit these terminology was developed by some stupid ass shrink .I don’t believe in attention devised disorder .We are not all created equal some people retain information more rapidly than other people. why do you study harder when you’re on a stimulant its common sence guys your nerve system is in fifth gear its running fast why is it running fast because fucken studeis and homework ar boring as hell. When you’re doing Adderall your mind wants to speed up and finish your studding STAT like ASAP because its fucken boring shit. When you’re not on Adderall and you attempt to study your mind wonders off like daydreaming you’re not focused on the task at hand your reading butt not obtaining the information necessary to pass your fucken class Adderall makes you speed your thinking process up to get thru your studies that’s all it does it does not make you smarter then you are your IQ level will still be the same some people are audio learners some people are visual learners and some people jest have a hard time remembering details. A man that belongs to Mensa with a high IQ ask the man to put a bike together without the manual he will not do the task then there’s a another man with a low IQ ask him to put the bike together without the manual he would have no problem doing so. The point is people all learn differently slow down and focus on the task in hand. All you students out there you must train your mind to focus in whatever you’re doing physical or mental focus your energy on the task in hand mind control no outside distractions it’s the key to learning without the use of Adderall when you’re doing your studies focused on the information the books teaching you do not let your mind wonder off the task at hand do not have any extractions from keeping the task at hand turn your phones off. Make a time in your day to comet to your studies go to the library where everyone’s energy is in harmony what I mean is a library is the place to do your studeis there are very little distractions there do not study where you will be distracted. Train your mind your mind should be 100% focus into your task at hand witch is your studies you will not miss out on your soulSal life it will still be there waiting for you when the task at hand is completed. Adderall dos not make you smarter then you are it only speeds up your thought proses so you can get things completed faster . We are not all created equal.

My friends it took me two hours to compose this post my spelling is so poor the computer cannot spell check my weighting. I have dyslexia I was born with it so no man or women is created equally.

Your friend THE FALCON

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I can understand how you might be scared, to be honest I feel exactly the same way (I've been clean less than 3 months). All I have to by are these three things, I hope they are helpful for you as well:

1) Every day I don't take adderall, is a day I contribute to my brain healing itself. If I am to believe science, then I believe that the brain is plastic and the neurological pathways created by my addiction will change to other neural pathways created in another part of my brain... if I use it, that is....

2) If I was to take another pill, I would be undoing all the good work I've done so far, and delaying my healing. I deserve to give my brain a chance.

3) I don't want to have to deal with a cycle of addiction/quitting/addiction my whole life.

Honestly, having a big course load is the best thing you can do for your brain right now. Yes it is challenging and will be really hard; you may not get the grades you want in the first couple of semesters. But you are young and you're working on rebooting and rewiring your brain in the healthiest way possible. Much better than sitting on the couch and reading the internets.

Read up on your brain, understand exactly what you've done to it, and trust that you are fixing it... day by day. Don't fuck it up now....

[quit-once]

re: Falcon's post #9

Falcon, it does not have to be spelled right or look good to get your point across, and you do a great job. I gotta take issue with your first sentence in this post. Be careful about bashing or not believing in ADD/ADHD. While it may be greatly overdiagnosed and treated, I believe there are some people who need medication to function properly. Just like you need antidepressent medication to combat your clinical depression, there are some who truly need stimulant medication for their ADD/ADHD, or narcolepsy disorders.

[FALCON]

Quit-once

You are 100% correct the statement I made was written poorly and not interpreted correctly .My apologies to whom I may of offended some people do need this medication to function in life. Im just wondering the %%% of people whom are thru ADD ADHD .I believe a big %% of people are not diagnose properly. I also believe a very high %% of people using Adderall uses it to stimulate their minds so to get more tasks don. There is a test for ADD but how many doctors will send you to take this test before prescribing Adderall yes there is a lagitament use for this drug Adderall. It is not bashing the drug and again I am sorry for any bad feelings I may have caused. Using Adderall for the intended purposes can be a life saver for the user.

Sincerely yours FALCON ----- Look at the word lagitament the spell checker can’t not correct it. Is there a program out there that could help me with proper vocabulary and spelling thanks you all?

No joke it took me 40 minutes to compose this post

[Kyle_Chaos]

Exercise and vitamins, you will get used to being off of it. It just takes time, you will get out of your "everything has to be perfect" mindset eventually.

[quit-once]

Falcon, when I read your posts I just sound out the words and I know exactly what you are trying to say. No appology needed, I just wanted to help you be aware that some people really do have ADD/ADHD and they need their meds to fuinction. Most of the time people just ask their doctor for the drug and the doctor just says yes because if they say no then they loose a customer. Oh, by the way the word you were trying to spell is legitimate. I never use the spell checker either so that is as close as I can get.