Heather67 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 So as I've mentioned too many times...I moved into my dear mommas apartment when my husband was sentenced, some of my things are all over her garage still...so while looking for some paper work...I had to move a box of sweaters and assorted winter stuff...so I figured why not go through that to....first hoodie out the box and I hear something hit the concrete....a sound of only one thing ....a pill,well 2 actually hitting the floor, a sound I'd know about 2 fuckin states away. I'm thinkin its either excedrin or addies. Well unless excedrin is orange these days...yeah ummm...WTF!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!! AND JESUS CHRIST!! I'm just paralyzed staring at them...then I said out loud "ain't a Fuckin lot 2 of you could do for me then....and certainly not fuckin now" picked em up went upstairs and flushed them. I watched them spin all the way down,thinkin about how many times I desperately searched every piece of.clothing I owned that had Fuckin Pockets,dumped drawers,flipped cushions, rummaged old purses,moved appliances and shook thousands of empty script. bottles, just hoping I'd find one. I didn't for a second think of keeping them....I exhausted my own game and had every reason to quit,so taking them would make me so fuckin pissed off at myself,internal guilt is almost impossible for anyone else to fix away for you...the shit stays with you and eats at you. I never thought the last 3 weeks would be as do-able as they have been and I'm spoo not gonna fuck with that! !! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krax Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 So as I've mentioned too many times...I moved into my dear mommas apartment when my husband was sentenced, some of my things are all over her garage still...so while looking for some paper work...I had to move a box of sweaters and assorted winter stuff...so I figured why not go through that to....first hoodie out the box and I hear something hit the concrete....a sound of only one thing ....a pill,well 2 actually hitting the floor, a sound I'd know about 2 fuckin states away. I'm thinkin its either excedrin or addies. Well unless excedrin is orange these days...yeah ummm...WTF!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!! AND JESUS CHRIST!! I'm just paralyzed staring at them...then I said out loud "ain't a Fuckin lot 2 of you could do for me then....and certainly not fuckin now" picked em up went upstairs and flushed them. I watched them spin all the way down,thinkin about how many times I desperately searched every piece of.clothing I owned that had Fuckin Pockets,dumped drawers,flipped cushions, rummaged old purses,moved appliances and shook thousands of empty script. bottles, just hoping I'd find one. I didn't for a second think of keeping them....I exhausted my own game and had every reason to quit,so taking them would make me so fuckin pissed off at myself,internal guilt is almost impossible for anyone else to fix away for you...the shit stays with you and eats at you. I never thought the last 3 weeks would be as do-able as they have been and I'm spoo not gonna fuck with that! !! So as I've mentioned too many times...I moved into my dear mommas apartment when my husband was sentenced, some of my things are all over her garage still...so while looking for some paper work...I had to move a box of sweaters and assorted winter stuff...so I figured why not go through that to....first hoodie out the box and I hear something hit the concrete....a sound of only one thing ....a pill,well 2 actually hitting the floor, a sound I'd know about 2 fuckin states away. I'm thinkin its either excedrin or addies. Well unless excedrin is orange these days...yeah ummm...WTF!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!! AND JESUS CHRIST!! I'm just paralyzed staring at them...then I said out loud "ain't a Fuckin lot 2 of you could do for me then....and certainly not fuckin now" picked em up went upstairs and flushed them. I watched them spin all the way down,thinkin about how many times I desperately searched every piece of.clothing I owned that had Fuckin Pockets,dumped drawers,flipped cushions, rummaged old purses,moved appliances and shook thousands of empty script. bottles, just hoping I'd find one. I didn't for a second think of keeping them....I exhausted my own game and had every reason to quit,so taking them would make me so fuckin pissed off at myself,internal guilt is almost impossible for anyone else to fix away for you...the shit stays with you and eats at you. I never thought the last 3 weeks would be as do-able as they have been and I'm spoo not gonna fuck with that! !! Great job girl!!! You are stronger than you even know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Ohhh the rummaging through things....can't even count the times. Way to go!!! That's huge! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 We were just talking about this scenario yesterday, weren't we? I am curious, neversaynever, did you already know how you would handle this situation ahead of time or did you just wing it? That's a pretty cool story and you just earned my respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 That's probably my biggest fear right now -- finding evil after finding sobriety. You done good girl! A real inspiration! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 gooooood job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Isn't it crazy how when using finding pills is like hitting the jackpot and when clean it signifies all things evil ? I guess it makes since, just a little ironic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 You're so right about the sound they make when they drop to the floor, and the color - I can see it clear as anything in my mind's eye. Ick. Hey well done, you, it feels good doesn't it! Now, where's the PICTURE? C'mon we have a baseline here of documented evidence that now needs to be produced upon discovery... tee her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Ohhh the rummaging through things....can't even count the times. Way to go!!! That's huge! Ive lost days rummaging through things, tearing apart rooms for adderall... I was so attuned to adderall, Like one time, a pharmacist accidentally filled my bottle with five fewer pills then he was supposed to and I when I got the bottle, I instantly noticed. I asked her to recount. She reluctantly did, and sure enough I was right. She had filled my prescription short by a few pills. was really attuned to all things adderall... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 Hahaha ...I seriously didn't even have time to think about properly preparing my case,I eas so fucking dumbfounded..I had pretty much convinced myself I done a total sweep of this place back in the day of using that none would ne here unless I obtained them. I got pretty freaked a week ago when I saw a flash of orange In my bottomless purse and it turned out to be a Fuckin apple-jax that fell out my kids snack bag....wow!!!! So this was completely out of nowhere. I have spent sooooo much of these 3 weeks resigning myself to the fact that its over. No matter what. Life will be the chase,the paranoia,the guilt..the chaos, the illegal manuevers,and laying in bed at nite with my 3 year old across the room in his bed,and his father in jail,and I'm doing nothing to hold our life together ,trading his future for a fucking feeling. The stats are against him already due to addiction and genes and having a parent I'm the corrections system....who am I to take more. I'm selfish in no other way and at no other time than when I'm using. So to answer your question quit once...hadn't thought at all about how I'd handle that...my self induced.brain washing kicked in I guess. When it comes to the orange wonders...I'm now the little engine that can't. LOL challenge has strangely in life been my fuel when I harness it as such...it. can take your ass out ...but only if you think it can. Lot to be said for mind over matter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 HAHA that orange apple-jax story was FUNNY! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 neversayneverHey sister your doing OK you are making very good sense .We all need to know that the addiction is etched into our memory and we need to live with that the rest of our life we will always have that erg to use again it will never leave us. Jest looking at the orange pill will give you flash backs from the past and give you severs up your spin our will power most be stronger then the erg to use adderall ..See I do care about you your friend FALCON Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 I know you care babydoll!!! Hahaha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waronwar Posted January 11, 2013 Report Share Posted January 11, 2013 SOOO true. I would look in pockets, drawers, everywhere...and over the ten years or so i have only found lost pills maybe twice. moral of the story- i took every pill and there were very few that had a chance to slip away. So proud of you. That flushing had to be an empowering feeling! Love this site!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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