Searchingsoul9 Posted January 12, 2013 Report Share Posted January 12, 2013 Lol. D.A.R.E. was or is a big "don't do drugs" campaign taught across schools. I remember a dare officer came and opened a box filled with marijuana, angel dust, heroin, LSD , acid, shrooms and went through each drug teaching us what each drug did and how they were bad. Then we got DARE t shirts. But what they fond was that the DARE program was actually making kids more susceptible to drugs by teaching them and exposing them to all these mind altering chemicals. So the program failed and I think they tried to revamp it. I'm not sure of its still in existence. Hhaa, the program was sorta, kinda, possibly a big joke. I played the liver in my 4th grade D.A.R.E play! Based on alcoholics. Which my mom was. But she was in rehab and couldn't see my lovely take on the liver. haha. I vowed never to drink that day. Look at me now....so sad. Dare was kinda joke though. They sell those tshirts now that say Drugs Are Really Expensive, and all types of shit. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 12, 2013 Report Share Posted January 12, 2013 Lol. MFA, That is exactly what it was. But what they found was that this was serving more like a commercial for drugs and turning kids onto drugs...kids were like 'MDMA? What's this? Where can I get some?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 12, 2013 Report Share Posted January 12, 2013 hahahaha yeah I wanted that box o drugs as a kid... got me a D.A.R.E tshirt too, purely for irony... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 12, 2013 Report Share Posted January 12, 2013 Hhaa, the program was sorta, kinda, possibly a big joke. I played the liver in my 4th grade D.A.R.E play! Based on alcoholics. Which my mom was. But she was in rehab and couldn't see my lovely take on the liver. haha. I vowed never to drink that day. Look at me now....so sad. Dare was kinda joke though. They sell those tshirts now that say Drugs Are Really Expensive, and all types of shit. lol Oh, this is a really sad story! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 12, 2013 Report Share Posted January 12, 2013 We take shit and put our own twist on it huh???? All cuz I'm wearing my dare shirt to Vegas We ain't right! !! Tho my kids would come home from school with the dare ribbons...and give em to me just cuz they gave me all their school stuff ...and my ex husband would say its ironic that they don't even actually know there mothers a pill popping junky . That sucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 12, 2013 Report Share Posted January 12, 2013 I just re-read where this thread began and I feel dreadful. Debra must think we're assholes - she was really suffering and this thread ended up with us joking around. We have a lot of fun on this forum, but I hope she doesn't think we are discrediting the pain and suffering she was going through a few days ago. The last thing we would want is for her to think we don't care and to have gone back to using. Debra, how are you feeling now? We really care and hope you're hanging in there, getting some rest and not being too hard on yourself... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debra77 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 I did relapse on Friday. I made it nearly a month without adderall but couldn't take it anymore. I could barley function at work and felt so exhausted with zero energy. I didn't associate with anyone and kept to myself, didn't get any work done because all I could do was stare at the computer screen. Everything seemed like an obstacle that I couldn't handle. Then when I got home from work I would take a nap from exhaustion but then couldn't sleep that night even with strong sleeping pills. I have to tell you that Friday after I took the adderall is the best I have felt since Dec 13th. No joke. I felt ALIVE. I was friendly with people, I didn't feel exhausted and dead inside, I was able to get work done and didn't come home and go to sleep. I literally got stuff done and felt like someone that was living not existing. By about 7:00 pm I started to come done and I started getting tired and moody but I'm gonna have to say that I'm staying on the adderall. It's like a double edge sword. I'd rather have a few hours of happiness and feel normal than to go all day thinking I can't do this anymore. I'm going to ask my doctor to switch me to Vyvanse which is a l little milder and last longer. It's expensive though. There is no way I can't take adderall or vyvanse right now since I just started a new job and am the single mom of 2 kids. I didn't take any adderall today and I feel awful, exhausted, unmotivated, and just want to stay in bed. I have also gained 15 pounds since I stopped it and that has gotten me even more depressed. I hate to take it but I hate not taking it. I didn't take it today because I was gonna try not to take it on the weekends that way I had an appetite and could go eat with my kids and give myself at least 2 days a week without it but the way I feel right now I don't know if it's worth it because I really had things I needed to do today but way too tired and no energy whatsoever to do them. If I wasn't a single parent and didn't have to work I might be able to get thru this but after a month of feeling worse than I did when I was on the addrell I couldn't risk losing another job and who know's maybe I am ADHD and do need the medication. Heck I don't know anymore. I feel like a loser. Thank you for talking with me. I'm glad I'm not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 You are really, really tough on yourself. Life throws us some pretty nasty shit sometimes, but promise me you'll stop throwing more shit at yourself. You will, can and I hope do give up soon... till then, just try to take each day as it comes and in the back of your mind, come up with a plan about giving up for good. Maybe your first vacation from work in a few months? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 I think a lot of threads can kinda go in that direction then come back. When it comes to relapsing ...I know it can happen to anyone at anytime and for any reason. Its a process...not an event. It often builds,I think tho really really fuckin hard as it is...you have to stay on the reasons not to use vs the reasons to use. I think we all give the most honest and heart felt advice that we possibly can and we certainly hope everyone can make it to the better life that adderall abuse is never gonna get ya. But we can talk or throw in a few jokes or stay stone cold serious about the thread...we can't keep anyone from using...especially if that process was in motion. This is just my opinion, kinda like guns don't kill...the finger on the trigger does. I think we were all quick in reacting on this thread like any other one. But I don't wanna stray any further. And apologies I've overstepped anything ...I think I'm just a little paranoid now...cuz I'm a freak 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 It just occurred to me that both of you who relapsed are working right now. I mean a lot of people go to rehab and take off work for months to get over something like this. It just seems like getting over an addiction, especially adderall addiction and going to work .... Can really work against each other. In a lot of adderall addicts, not all, but a lot myself included for sure. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 ... or, u just gotta be ready to suck, for life to suck, work to suck, etc... gotta just suffer thru it all, cuz that's normal. the thing is whether ur ready to suck or not... cuz no matter what, if u ain't ready u ain't ready... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 True dat. Sky....the beginning is always gonna suck. I don't think anyone's gonna find away around it. Sometimes suck for longer than we want..but its the prevebial darkness to get to the light I suppose. It comes when you accept it under all circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 Don't worry Debra, you'll quit when you're ready. At least you had the balls to tell us you relapsed, unlike me on quittingadderall.com circa March 2011. I was a big baby and scaredy cat! Relapsing is really, really common when quitting amphetamines. I mean, the physical and psychological addiction is huge. When you decide to quit again next time, sky's right, you have to be prepared for life to suck for a long time, your job to suck, everything to suck! Month one is just the beginning of the suck. It took me a year to feel normal again. But now I feel normal! And I would have never made it to normalcy if I had kept relapsing after a month or two months here and there like I had been doing for years. You need faith to stick with it when it feels hopeless. P.S. Vyvanse is just as addictive and soul sucking as Adderall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 damn I hate running out of "Likes This'"' is there any way we can get more per day? yeah, for all of ya'll relapsing or ain't ready, don't sweat it- the seed has been planted, you'll never enjoy it like u did before, you'll always know there's another, better, way.... no one is perfect, we're all slightly fucked up, I've had a bunch of drinks tonight, maybe that's why we all get along so well.... we're all damaged goods... but fuck an a we're good people. don't stray too far, keep comin round, just don't tempt us with your tales of how you love adderall life, just come around and get and give love..... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 You must be a heavy "like this" user. I have NEVER ran out of them - how many do you get for a daily quota? The only thing I have ran short of is smiley face emoticons. Not sure how many of those you get per post. One good thing about having a daily quota for likes is that they become more meaningful if you have to ration them, kind of like money or really good cookies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 Vulnerability is something we usually deplore in ourselves but respect in others... I love being able to be vulnerable and yet safe with this awesome crowd. I used my last "like" of the day on you, sky. I hate rationing those things! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 13, 2013 Report Share Posted January 13, 2013 Cool. I have just discovered 'like this' thanks to you guys... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Where is the like button???....I'm not a little fucked up ...I'm a lot fucked up....but I've said it before....damn it...I like myself!!! LOL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Look to the right of the page and you'll see a button with a little checkmark that says LIKE THIS. (U have to be logged in to see it, and u have to be logged in to see people's likes) If u like a post just click on that button and everyone can see that you liked The post. For example, I'll click on the like this button on your post above so u see what it looks like. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 It just occurred to me that both of you who relapsed are working right now. I mean a lot of people go to rehab and take off work for months to get over something like this. It just seems like getting over an addiction, especially adderall addiction and going to work .... Can really work against each other. In a lot of adderall addicts, not all, but a lot myself included for sure. Yeah, i agree with this. You need time to really just fix/heal yourself, i think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 ... or, u just gotta be ready to suck, for life to suck, work to suck, etc... gotta just suffer thru it all, cuz that's normal. the thing is whether ur ready to suck or not... cuz no matter what, if u ain't ready u ain't ready... Does it EVER stop sucking though? I know life has ups and downs, yadayada. But is life ever going to be blissful? I mean life always sucked for me for my whole life. It just did, but i worry it'll suck worse now that i've experienced adderall. Life certainly isn't meant to be lived on adderall. No one should feel such euphoria, because once you feel it you compare everything to it. It's a bitch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Refer to my lost that loving feeling posts recently ...I've garnered useful info on my desire to spark a hell yeah on everything I do without adderall,cuz that is my big allure with it....and missing that dopamine goes with the territory of having been a whore for it I guess! LOL. For me it's quit now,or quit in a prison cell. My addiction is very advanced, it had a monstetous appetite that can only be handled extremely illegally ....and as much as I love that feeling...I hate the above scenario that much more...ill use that to trudge another day. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Hi when thous feelings come knocking at your door remember the big picture your doing it for your family your kids and your husband and your health you are keeping the family together now its all on you yes its a huge responsibility and your doing OK your head is in the right place now jest keep it up things will get better for you it takes time you know we need to pay the piper now with our time only time without adderall will heal us. Sincerely Yours FALCON 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Yuppers ...that's what I'm doing on this really long,boring,absolutely doing nothing day. It's now sunny and like 60 here...not common for this kinda year. Muddy as fuck out there tho...and I'm trying to figure what would go good with some captain Morgans ....cocoa????LOL seems more cheery that way instead of maybe desperate! ! This is still addict thinking....and all about that feeling but substituting the addies with ummmm,anything Legal....but not healthy. God damn I got along way to go!!!! LOL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 14, 2013 Report Share Posted January 14, 2013 Neversaynever, It's wonderful to see how much progress you've made this far. You're thinking with the sobriety mindset, and doing the trudging that has to happen. Searching soul, I guess the only way to find out if life is better on the other side is by trying it. It sounds like you and me have a lot of issues that were never dealt with, so adderall has been the mask. I, for much of my life, didn't feel normal. I was suicidal my freshman year of college, dealt with depression and anxiety much of my life, without adderall, and if I would've had the balls, might have gone through with it. It got much better then the following year I found adderall. Coincidence? I don't think so. The thing with getting sober is that those underlying issues have to be dealt with, or we're just drug addicts that quit using, meaning the addict mindset is still there. It's really a rebuilding process that might take (good)counseling and learning new ways of dealing with life. Something was missing all along for us, and that's why adderall had such an appeal. Life can get better, but it takes facing up and DEALING with the issues that got us to this point. I'm not trying to speak for you and your thoughts, just basing off of what I've read from you in your posts. I hope this makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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