Not Good

[TeacherCoach]

Been prescribed adderall 30 mg twice a day for 6-7 years. Go over every month and just try to survive 1-2 weeks every month. 

Tried Kratom during times when i ran out and now i’m hooked on that stuff. 

 

Major depressed. My hands and fingers constantly itch/tingle. i can’t hardly sleep. 

Absolutely HATE talking to anyone. Problem is i’m a teacher. I just don’t know the best route to take. i have a wife and kids and they have suffered. i have to do something. 

[sirod9]

Hi TeacherCoach - 

I'm sorry that you are suffering. I understand, and at one point I was feeling completely hopeless. There was a time that I did not think there was a way out. My journey to quitting was very long. I started with first, calming myself down. Accepting where you are is helpful. Then, take small steps to improve your health while onadderall. Such as eating healthfully, taking supplements, and trying to get proper rest. While taking adderall, you don't get the nutrients your body and brain needs. Start with magnesium, and a b complex vitamin. There is a way out, but first you have to begin with today, and learning to calm you mind. I was taking 90 to 200 mgs a day for 6 years. I remember that panic of feeling like the world was caving in on my head and there was no escape. There is no escape, but there is a way out. I am now over a year clean and feeling so much better. The first year is painfully difficult. but the only way out is through the fire. Try to gather up your support. If there is someone you can talk to about your addiction, I suggest leaning on that person. if not, I suggest finding a counselor. But for today, try to breath and relax. Drink plenty of water and get yourself some supplements! You will be okay!

[DelaneyJuliette]

I'm so glad you are here TeacherCoach.  You probably don't know me but if you search my posts you will see I've been on and off around clean and not clean for years.  Well, I'm finally back!  I'm so happy b/c this journey has been so long and hard.  I'm not saying "I've arrived" just saying that after having 5 months then relapsing then 6 months then relapsing then 4 months then relapsing, etc etc etc, i am finally at a place where I can see that everything is going to be okay.  I know what life is like off of adderall and it's really amazing.  But it fucking SUCKS getting there.  But it is do-able.  This site has been my lifeline.  Over a year ago I printed out everything on the home page and carried it around with me to read when I needed to know that there was hope.  I can't even believe I'm able to write this right now b/c just 2 weeks ago I was trapped again.  I am able to zoom out and see the vicious vicious cycles.  Quitting has not been easy or a straight line.  But it can be done.  I relate very much to your predicament of being a teacher b/c I am a therapist.  I had myself convinced that I couldn't be a good therapist without adderall.  It is so not the case.  In the past I also was addicted to alcohol and then after 5 years off of alcohol and adderall I turned back to adderall and got addicted to adderall and benzos.  I see the patterns.  I just wanted to give you hope, and know that there is another side.  Even if you can't see it right now, know that it exists.  Keep coming back here!!!

[TeacherCoach]

Thanks guys. i have to figure out a plan. my short term memory has gotten really bad and i feel like i’m struggling every day just to get up and make it through. i coach multiple sports as well and don’t get home until late every night. i’ll always be checking in to read your stories and advice. 

 

[DelaneyJuliette]

I'd love to help you think through a plan -- what makes sense as a place to start?

[TeacherCoach]

my refill date is approaching and i’m gassed. just trying to make it day to day. will be hard not to fill it! but i will try ! 

[DrewK15]

@TeacherCoach welcome to the forums. Sorry to hear you’re having a hard time.

Holding onto your refill script hoping you don’t fill it isn’t going to do you any good. It is critical to bring others into the struggle. Start by telling your doctor you’re abusing the medication and that you want to get off of it. If they try to keep you on it delete their number and don’t look back or find a different doctor to help you.

[TeacherCoach]

man i’m just so back and forth. it’s nobody’s fault but mine. i have a second job and also coach and honestly i have ZERO free time. i don’t feel like i have time for even 2 days to get my shit together! i took too many days off last year (usually dope sick) so i’m trying really hard to not take off this year. i have to go to a counselor or someone . not looking for sympathy just talking through my thoughts. my mood changes so drastically every day. my students know that i’m either really happy or really mad. my coworkers think i’m a stuck up snob because i completely avoid them. i can’t make myself get up and teach so i give my students busy work. and they hate me for it. hate this feeling 

[DrewK15]

@TeacherCoach I can relate. You’re in a really tough spot. Focusing on problems instead of solutions. Sounds like you’re crashing to me, so one way or another things will likely come to a halt for you whether it’s voluntary or not or tomorrow or years from now. If my math is right you’re taking 60-120mg a day and need Kratom to come down. That’s a lot of drugs.

I encourage you to plan a quit. Your life won’t fall apart around you as much as it will if you keep going as you are.