[What were the most banal things that enthralled you on adderall?]

Computer music production doesn't sound banal until you do it on amphetamine

I don't do music production but since I've been on the meds, I no longer care to watch tv, I just listen to one of my favorite songs over & over while doing something mundane.  And when I mean over and over it can play for 3 hours while doing house work - weird lol

 

It's strange, I used to be a TVaholic but once I got on the meds i literally had no interest in anything so I got rid of my cable

[What were the most banal things that enthralled you on adderall?]

Grocery shopping was enthralling and overwhelming at the same time. I haven't consistently gone to the same grocery store for he past year because store workers would always stop me to ask if I needed help or comment on how ineffectively I grocery shopped (going up and down the same aisles multiple times). They were just trying to be helpful, but it's embarrassing to think about. I spent way longer in grocery stores than anyone ever should and drove all over my city to go to different stores. What a waste.

 

OMG I've learned the hard way to not take meds before grocery shopping.  I'd stop and contemplate the most mundane items that I so didn't need.  I would end up taking twice the amount of time to get done. 

 

Now that I'm aware of how it can make me becoume ultra focused on something if I do make mistake and take it before grocery shopping I mentally tell myself to focus on my list and that's it.  The plus of being on meds is I don't get unwanted junk food since I have no appetitie lol

[What were the most banal things that enthralled you on adderall?]

my obsession on it is instagram and creating collages, i can spend countless hours choosing the right picture, with the oh so perfect caption then there's hashtags....it's crazy

[Favorite things about being adderall-free!]

I notice that people interact with me differently too when I'm off adderall. I probably come across as way too intense when on it.

I think it's important in the early days of recovery to remind yourself of the antisocial zombieness. It's hard because you feel so depressed and tired that you wonder if you'll ever have energy again, let alone worrying about being social. But like I said, the small social interactions make a difference and remind you what it's like to be "normal" again.

 

Maybe it's your perception that they're acting different, since they don't know you're on it. 

 

But I understand, interacting is so hard.  I lost my boyfriend over this 2 years ago because I started it.  I haven't had any real boyfriends, no connections since.  Sometimes I'm so numb I don't care, but oh boy when the addy's are out of my system late at night, I'm an emotional wreck.

 

Now I'm more proactive in following up with people who I'm interested in as dates.  Adderrall makes me so self absorbed that my attitude is I'm such a great catch and "if they want me they'll try harder or pursue me or call me.etc...".....obviously this approach isn't working lol

 

But the double edge sword is when I do find someone I like, I get way too intense with them too fast & scare them off with my horrible mood swings/outbursts lol

[Did adderall cost you your job?]

When I was on adderall I had to do a lot of class presentations and it made my ego so fragile that I was terrified of any criticism. I was supposed to handout end of class surveys every class and I never did because I couldn't handle any negative feedback.

That fear of criticism lingered for 2 years after quitting adderall.

Yesterday at my new job I did three class lectures and immediately asked for feedback because I don't see feedback or criticism as a personal attack on my character anymore.

 

I never knew I had a fear of negative feedback due to adderall until my boss recently had a meeting with me telling me he was unhappy with my performance because I seemed distant, intimidating and always late

 

I was so taken aback by this & in my adderrall induced impulsive mind I contorted this meeting as being unfair and biased. So I ended up writing him a long bulletted point e-mail as to why each issue he bought up was somehow biased & wrong

 

Since this is the corporate world that e-mail got escalated to HR....which then got escalated to the legal dept for Code of conduct violations since I was accusing him of biased issues.....OMG just rehashing all this made me realize how this drug affects work in a negative way.

 

This all happened recently and everyday I'm scared I'm going to be shipped out.  Although I have started coming in on time and trying to be more of a team player and I definitely now do all my tasks quicker whereas before I would goof off until late in the day then rush to get things done in my final few hours of work

[Did adderall honeymoon REALLY change your life in a substantial way??]

During my Adderall Honeymoon. I created some truly brilliant disasters, I have never in my life been so dedicated and focused on fucking everything up.  There are many examples, but mostly it involved deploying new filing systems, complex strategies for clients that should have been simple.  I was a focused machine the first month I was on adderall I broke sales records etc. The problem came when I was expected to repeat my performance the buzz simply wasn't sustainable.   Adderall did help me focus for a time I many strategic errors.  I'm relearning focus again without the pills  i believe without the pills I am more of a dynamic thinker.  

 

I'm so glad I found the other thread on adderall and job issues, because all the symptoms listed I've experienced and only until now I can realize it's from the medicatoin & not just me.  Knowing this I've become more aware of myself now at work and a tiny bit more social, but definitely not as grumpy as before.

 

I knew it was an adderall problem when my boss took me in a meeting recent and stated he was unhappy with my performance because I seemed so "distant" from the team, intimidating and always late...This was a wake up call for me to at least put up a front that I'm capable of doing a job that I've done for the past 15years without any issue

[Favorite things about being adderall-free!]

Expanding on my previous post ... being SOCIAL is my favorite thing about being Adderall-free. I'm making a point to lay low and take care of myself on the weekends instead of going out with friends. I can't wear myself out if I'm going to make recovery a priority. But small everyday social interactions are making me realize how great it is to be 18 days clean.

 

I felt bad because a new younger guy started working in my office. A friend introduced us, yet I never talked to him because I was glued to my desk staring at my screen every time he walked by. I barely had the politeness to force out a "hey, how are you?" to him. Today we had a whole conversation that ended with him saying we should get lunch. 

 

What if I was on Adderall today? I would've been too busy to get up and get coffee and, god forbid, run into someone and talk to them. If I HAD stood up to get coffee, I would've zipped over, nodded hi to him, maybe mumbled "what's up?," stared down at my cup filling up, hastily thrown in some Splenda, and zipped right back to my desk to play with my Very Important Spreadsheets. 

 

Jeez. 

Wow you sound so much like me, every post of your is so relatable.  I had to laugh at the similarities of not caring to talk to anyone at work or look them in the eye.

 

That's so me, it's like I have 0 interest in what anyone has to say unless it relates to me lol

[Did adderall honeymoon REALLY change your life in a substantial way??]

I have to constantly remind myself how awful that vicious cycle feels. That's one of the main reasons why I got so fed up with the drug. I would go away for weekends with my friends or have friends visit me and I had to take a pill in order to function. Again, that's just not sustainable.

 

I'm a bit of a workaholic already and losing my weekends made it even more dramatic. I'd tell myself to just get through until I could take my medicine Monday morning. What a horrible way to exist when I could be out living! 

 

I'm only on day 18 of being clean, so my weekends have still been lazy, but I'm looking forward to having motivation to pursue other hobbies and activities on the weekends. I think it's absolutely true that you pay for the high you feel at first from stimulants (I say "at first," because eventually you lose that feeling, yet keep chasing it). There has to be a balance and nature/biology makes up for it in the form of depression and lethargy when you don't take a pill. Isn't that hazy, unmotivated fog the worst? 

Wow congrats on 18 days!! so far I can only manage on the weekends when I'm not working and can just sleep

 

And you're so right, at 1st i started taking it to get stuff done, then it became no matter what I had to do (grocery shop, visit family etc..) I had to pop a pill to stay on my schedule of pills

 

The unmotivated fog happens so much sooner now, during my work day by 3 pm if I don't take a pill, I literally can't get anything done & I get really moody by this time of day

[Did adderall honeymoon REALLY change your life in a substantial way??]

I *thought* I made significant life changes during my adderall honeymoon, but looking back this was more my perception than reality. If I paid closer attention, I would've seen red flags sooner even in the honeymoon phase. When I didn't take adderall on the weekends, I was a prisoner in my house just eating and sleeping. Then Monday morning I'd be superwoman again. Hint: not sustainable.

I lost ~15 lbs. and loved finally reaching my goal weight and losing my appetite. I'm perfectly healthy +15 lbs., so it was always just an obsessive fixation of mine (still is). Being thinner gave me a charge of confidence.

When I look back though, it seems as if every "positive" from that period was accompanied by a negative I was just too blind to see at the time. I got good grades and rocked my internship projects, but simultaneously started skipping classes, sleeping in, and being perpetually late. I was more socially outgoing and confident, but only when I actually managed to get out. Otherwise, I was laser focused on my own little world and irritable and antisocial.

It's also hard to look back at positive things that happened, like getting a job, and wonder if you could've done it without a drug. Of course you could have, but it sucks to lose your confidence and question your own abilities in hindsight.

 

Wow all your points are what I'm experiencing now.  It is so weird how yes when you're out and on adderall you can be a social butterfly, but at the same time have no problem staying wholed up in your house alone for the whole weekend doing useless stuff.

 

Now I'm having major problems with the weekend like you mentioned when I don't take it, all I do is literally sleep wake up eat then back to sleep.  I do that for the whole weekend, then Monday it starts all over again.  such a viscious cycle

[Funny Adderall Twitter page.....]

I just followed that twitter page haha I still cant figure out how to make a thumbnail!

you have to go into "more reply options" and on bottom is section that says attach files.

 

But yes I followed that user too.  My favorite is adderrall had me cleaning the shower, while taking a shower.....unfortunately i had just did that for the first time this weekend

[Favorite things about being adderall-free!]

I can get ready to go out in a normal amount of time.. (I was always late and took hours to get ready, fixating on an aspect of my outfit or my hair or YouTube videos, whatever etc.)

 

OMG this one I can so relate to: before adderrall I was always very punctual; ready ahead of time.  Now like you said the slightest thing will distract me when I'm getting ready.  I can't tell you how many trips I've taken where I'm literally packing as the cab is waiting and things are thrown all over the place ugggh - hate that part. suffice it to say trips are torture for me.

[Funny Adderall Twitter page.....]

Oh, you have to use the advanced editor to do it...

 

lmao i like that pic

[10 reasons to QUIT ADDERALL]

My big thing on my list was isolation and the horrible depressing crash "I hate my life" guilt crash!

 

I so relate to the isolation thing and then at the same time if I'm coming down I'm feeling depressed saying how no one likes me.  Nights are def bad for me

[Funny Adderall Twitter page.....]

How the heck did you upload a thumbnail?

lol in the post section at bottom there's an option to upload from your computer

[Marriage is Ending . . .]

Wow I hope your situation got better with your marriage.  I couldn't imagine being with someone just like me on it. 

 

When you described your husbands outburst of texts and insults it's sad to say but it reminds me so much of  my new "adderall" self that I've become.  Which is very very nasty & mean if there's a disagreement...and I do that same thing of just sending hundreds of texts to the person which range from mean to super mean then I'll back peddal and try to be nice.

 

the range of emotions that adderall puts you through definitely is not healthy for any relationship

[Occasional Adderall after Quitting?]

Thank you all so much for your responses.  I agree...there really is no room for a grey area in something like this.  I feel like adderall has changed my personality and I can't wait to get back to the old me!  Cassie-I really appreciate the insight and agree completely.  I am so thankful to have come across this sight.  I have given my pills to my (extremely awesome and supportive) fiance to make sure I don't take more than my prescribed dose.  I plan on trying to taper off until the end of the semester and then quit completely.  I have a few weeks off from school which should help.  Adderall is the worst!  

Hey there good luck with your quest to stop.

 

I'm curious to know how your personality changed?  I noticed a lot of changes in myself and was curious how things changed for other users

[When did you realize you needed to stop?]

Been on for 2 yrs. I'm still trying to stop using, managed to not use on the weekends. 

 

For me the sign was/is my diminished social circle and love life.  I've pushed everyone away from me with little care.  I hate small talk so when my friends text me they always think somethings wrong because I only text one word answers...to me unless your asking me a direct question or to make plans I don't want to communicate.....that's scary because I used to be so social & bubbly....adderall took that away.  And for love life meeting new people is difficult because I'm so intense that I want things to happen right away and since I've become EXTREMELY self absorbed if "I feel" I'm not getting enough attention I create drama..suffice it to say I've scared of countless new men lol

 

I think I knew I needed to stop for quite a long time before I did. I was trapped in a cycle and became very dependent on them. I realized I had a problem when I binging hard on them and I missed a job interview because I crashed. I remember thinking when this script is done thats it. I quit for about a month before I found this community where I was able to understand my brain fog, sleepiness, depression etc. I didn't really think what I was experiencing was withdrawal because adderall is supposed to be legal and stuff.   I probably would have had my script(s) refilled if I hadn't  found this site one day.  

 

I totally agree zerokewl on this site; it's a godsend.  Before I knew about this site, all these negative side effects drove me crazy since I didn't realize they were side effects.  So I acted out on them so quickly/harshly in negative ways.

 

Finding this site and knowing that the things I was feeling are from the drug makes me not act so impulsively.  It makes me more aware.

[Funny Adderall Twitter page.....]

Found this Twitter page that posts in a joking manner the crazy things we experience on this drug.  It's nice to get a laugh out of this sometimes. Here's the twitter account @AdderalIHadMe

 

 I also posted a screenshot of some of the funny ones

[3 Years of Adderall. Ready to Quit.]

I was in this place exactly three years ago.  Although it is a special kind of Adderall hell, I believe it was necessary for me to come to this point in order to successfully quit and stay quit.  I truly prayed that my body and mind would hold up until I could finally quit.  I had some work issues, life issues, and some Adderall-induced beliefs that prevented me from quitting sooner.  I was in this hell for about two years before quitting, although the last few months were really tough.  I had quit in my mind and was ready to be done with my addiction, but the physical addiction and fear of withdrawal kept me chained to those fucking pills.  I have never wanted anything more in my life than a successful Quit.  I think you have a rock-solid plan for quitting, Chris.  Quit when you have the time and flexibility to make your recovery the #1 priority in your life.

  .

I so understand whn you say adderall induced beliefs of not quitting. I was supposed to quit last September. I started using adderall for the weight loss part since I compete in pageants. September of last year was my last pageant of the year but of course my mind said I can't quit because there's such n such event where I still have to look skinny. Now I'm back in the spring with pageant season starting back up. And there's some nights I say to myself "how am I gonna make it thru this season" with this much mental turmoil going on

[Has adderall affected your physical health?]

I'm still struggling with coming off of this drug, so far only manage to be drug free saturday & sunday. 

 

My physical symptoms:

• lack of appetite while on it; once it wears off I loose any will power to choose healthy options and pig out
• hair loss completely; in the front and crown; it's weird beause at the nape of my neck the hair grows and is of normal healthy texture so I look like I have a mullet when not wearing a wig
• pick at anything on my body.  I used to do this before, but on the drug I can look in the magnified mirror for hours picking & squeezing at things
• skinny lower face; as if my bone density in that area has disappeared
• Only get migraines on the 2 days that I'm off it which is weird
• Sweat profusely, even when just sitting at my desk at work
• lack of sleep; get 3-4 hours during mon-fri; which leads to just a constant feeling of exhaustion

[My best friend, Addy.]

Hi there, yet another story I can so relate to.  I like your statement on knowing your sad yet you can't even truly feel it... 

 

That's why for me at nights when I'm coming off it, I've ruined so many relationships picking fights and just being a straight up nasty needy witch.  Yuckk....

[3 Years of Adderall. Ready to Quit.]

Wow Chris your post had me riveted; I could relate to everything in it. It's weird how things go downhill so quickly; like when you said you only took it if you had "a lot to do" but then the most menial things to an an adderral mind seems like "a lot to do"....

 

It does have a honeymoon phase when you first start; you're happy, doing good in school or enjoying a job you never did, but then (like you said) you stop doing the things you loved doing like practicing guitar....and you find yourself just sitting at home alone engulfed in some random task wasting time.

 

I love this site and find it amazing how all experience are the same.  I've been on it 2 years and recently stopped taking it on the weekends which leaves me laying in my bed all day eating and sleeping with no energy to do anything.

 

You say you will stop once school is over; i hope that's true.  But after reading this site and experiencing it myself the adderall has a way of making those excuses for you like "I'll stop when....i'm on vacation, when I move, after my wedding"  There's always something...

[The movie the 'Machinist' & Adderall?]

Now I'm really going to have to rent this.  I read the bio and it also talks about how he's paranoid about his co workers LOL

 

I usually don't like serious movies, since life is way too serious but I might have to switch from the fluff fluff movies to this for a change lol

[love/HATE/replace]

Hello all...I am new here but not new to addiction...that's 100% accurate :/

I want to know...how was your relationship/experience with the drug? And what methods/activities etc did you replace the drug with once you quit (or are in the process of quitting)?

For me, I always loved researching. especially psychology and/or nursing material. however I HATED how is pull unnecessary all nighters , with work the next day, unable to stop absorbing information . I wasn't even in school...it was just an insatiable desire to expand my "intellectuality "..the list goods on but id like to chill for a second and actually see what others have to say instead of being so hyperfocused on myself.

Hi Kori, welcome to the boards.  I'm new here too and longest I've gone without taking any is 2 days so I'm def no expert lol.  But I totally relate to the obession part, for me I'm obsessed with surprise surprise pictures of myself and instagram and creating collages.  I swear instagram is the devil to anyone with ocd or on addies. you can get so lost.

 

And I'm the oppositie when people say exercise & diet helped them.  For me I'm in the fitness world of competing  and I can't  start my morning cardio without addies now.  I use them as my fat burners since the effect is similar but stronger. Actually this has been the easiest year of dieting / exercising because of addie's stimulant and curbing hunger.  Which unfortuanately is another love/hate with this drug.

 

I remember the constant hunger for information intake that I had while on the drug and the obsessive behavior.  It is nice to be able to relax and be yourself instead of being a self centered jerk. 

LMAO at 1bad88:  so relatable and weird how a drug turns regular caring people into "self centered jerks".  Maybe that's all drugs though??

[The movie the 'Machinist' & Adderall?]

Someone compared me to the character in the Machinist where insomnia caused him to be so emaciated 

 

This person doesn't  know I'm on adderall but sees how skinny I am and hears me complain about only getting 3-4 hours a sleep a night & right away he compared me to that......Which got me thinking how lack of sleep combined with addie's probably makes for that emaciated hollow face look??

 

Has anyone seen the movie? Any good?