I'm new here and so want to embellish this post with smileys and beautiful words but I'm a wreck. 3 months ago I went back to an old habit of aquiring meds outside of my rx and have completely lost control. I've purchased additional ritalin 3x in the past 3 months in addition to my script which I now burn thru in less than a week. With the contrband my intentions are always the same - just use it to get thru to the next MD apt only taking 10 or 15 bid. Um... not so much. We all know the definition of insanity. Without fail I pop them haphazardly until they're gone. As I write this I've been awake for the past 2 nights totally wired popping pills, nicorette and red bull glued to the computer. And I've totally isolated myself from everyone I know and I feel like such a failure.
Naturally there's a lot more to the story but briefly, I've been on 10 bid methylphenidate for ADD the past few years, did great so decided to do a drug holiday so to speak and after 8 months was miserable due to weight gain and lack of productivity. So my doc agreed to put me back on methylphenidate and I felt normal, got my focus back and everything's fine for the first few months until I start abusing it, now up to 100mg/ day and getting these meds from people I don't even know.
I can barely think straight at this point but still want to keep popping the pills all night long - then I don't see my doc for 3 weeks but I always do this so I know what's in store. The only positive is that I stumbled onto this website which I relate to so much so I want to cry.
Thank you all and esp Mike for doing this forum which for me right now is a g-dsend. xoxo