Tom23Jones
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Posts posted by Tom23Jones
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Don't do something permanent to end this temporary painful struggle. The you on the other side of this will be forever grateful that you fought through. It fucking sucks and its gonna suck for a while longer but 4 months is not enough time to assume you'll never improve. I've been off that shit for 5+ years now and a new/better self has emerged several times over the years.
the brain is more resilient than you can imagine. There are tons of things you could consider trying before giving up and ending it. hard fucking Exercise, meditation, martial arts, nutrition.
Feel free to DM if you need someone to talk to or text.
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You didn't really define what your trying to help your wife do. It sounds like you might be just trying to get her to her next prescription refill and if thats the case, you two basically have to white knuckle it for a few weeks. But in my opinion that is going to be a long road leading to more of the same of these types of abusing the script, running out, crashing, waiting, then refilling. Once you've abused it to this extent, theres usually no going back to moderation no matter what she says to convince you otherwise.
You mention not being able to tell the prescribing doctor but my instincts think that would be the number one course of action. She might hate you briefly but hopefully one day she'd recognize the endless cycle of hell you saved her from.
Good luck man, tough spot for sure.
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On 10/7/2021 at 10:13 PM, sirod9 said:
Question to the long timers (used a lot for a long time, but have been clean for a long time): when (if ever) did your energy levels improve?
My energy levels and motivation started improving big time after I started taking action and exercising despite having zero motivation to do so. If you can create the discipline to keep taking action despite how you feel, motivation and energy will start compounding.
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I got fat at the end of my adderall abuse. All I ate was bullshit and drink soda all the time. I can tell you that after I finally hit rock bottom, drew that line in the sand and told myself I'm never taking that shit again, then slowly healthy habits just came to me. Intuitively I started wanting to eat cleaner, drink water, meditate, exercise etc
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I found NA meetings very therapeutic. Some of the folks drug of choice will be heroin, drinking, cocaine, pills etc but our stories are all so similar. I've never went to a meeting and not heard something I needed to hear. Its a little weird/ culty at first but once you get comfortable I think you'd see the value. Especially in the early weeks it helps. When you really have that urge, if you hit up a meeting, it can stump out that craving.
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maybe the stimulants made you enjoy and have more confidence in your job than what you naturally do. When I was abusing adderall, I loved sending emails and being a non stop working bee but now I realize my job is boring and that was fake happiness that is not sustainable.
Have you been exercising and eating healthy? Intense cardio and weightlifting is great for neuroplasticity. Also recommend meditating, seems like hippy shit at first but really does have a profound affect on focus and calming the mind
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On 6/23/2020 at 4:13 PM, sweetupbaaby said:
Please someone tell me that they can relate to this feeling of nothingness!!!
Absolutely can relate to this. For months I wondered if I'd always be consumed with anxiety, despair, and nothingness. The anhedonia was crippling. There will be waves of this to weather for a long time but find comfort in knowing that you'll get through it each time as you have before. Eventually the fog starts to lift and anxiety lightens and you'll find joy in things again. Just keep going.
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20 hours ago, Civilengr2020 said:
Could this be PAWS? Does it come and go?
It definitely comes and goes. Recovery is not a linear process, especially 40 days in. Its going to be a roller coaster for a few months but you'll keep seeing improvements over time.
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I find NA meetings very helpful. It doesn't matter what someones drug of choice was, you quickly hear parallels to your own struggles. Some of the people I've met through NA are some of my best friends.
I'll warn you its a little weird or cult like when you first go but if you keep going back you'll realize they are just people going through the same struggles as you. And I'm sure there are several options near you, so you could go to a few and try to find a good fit for you.
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On 4/26/2020 at 11:53 AM, m34 said:
I was lazy this weekend and had lots of carbs and sugar. I’m paying for it today and I have to constantly remind myself it’s the diet. It’s amazing how much it effects your mind. I’m scattered, add symptoms back
So True!
I don't know why I put myself through this cycle over and over...I'll be exercising like a mad man, eating healthy as fuck and feeling amazing. Then I go on a binder of eating bullshit and I act shocked when I feel like shit and have brain fog and anxiety for the next few days. Nutrition and exercise is so important.
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I lost weight at the beginning of using adderall but like you I got heavier than I ever was while on adderall. Because of tolerance and terrible eating habits on adderall like pummeling redbulls and eating bullshit. When I quit adderall, I slowly starting getting back in tune with my body and realized that healthy food and exercise makes you feel so much better; more energy, less anxiety, etc. I went from 250lbs at the end of my adderall use to about 190ish now
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Hello, would definitely like to hear your story once your up for sharing it. Depression and lack of energy is totally normal 16 days in. Congrats on getting through 2+ weeks without adderall, thats no easy task.
I was taking 60 to 100+mg daily for 10 years and have been clean now for 4 years in May. I'm doing great, its crazy to think of how chaotic life use to be when I was speeding out of my mind. Some things that helped me big time were lifting weights, cardio, jiu jitsu, meditation, eating clean, drinking lots of water and attending NA meetings (might have to be after the quarantine)
Keeping it going, you've made it through the toughest few days
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1 hour ago, DelaneyJuliette said:
He would consider giving it up, but I just... again, that fucking ambivalence. He knows it HAS caused havoc, he's not acutely aware that I'm back in the spiral. Though he is aware that I am there right now.
I think you telling him just how bad you are spiraling will be your proverbial "line in the sand" moment. I believe committing to quit together would be the best option. Theres no way I could live with my wife using adderall while I was first quitting. I would have had so much resentment towards her and jealousy of her fake motivation.
1 hour ago, DelaneyJuliette said:How can I make myself believe that?
We already know this. We just have to keep finding out the hard way just to know for sure.
We just keep chasing whats unreachable.
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10 hours ago, DelaneyJuliette said:
I really would have to stop my life for a week or two to do that. (Which maybe I should consider)
Whats a week or two in the grand scheme of things? Tapering may work for some people but I know it would have never worked for myself. I needed to tear the bandaid off and suffer and push through. No way would I have had the discipline to do a gradual taper.
10 hours ago, DelaneyJuliette said:I never actually made it a priority to cut off the source and lock up the hubby's
Have you ever been 100% honest to your husband the havoc that adderall wrecks on your mind and body? Do you think he'd consider giving it up completely with you? Even if it works for him now, he'll most likely eventually get to a point where it causes him hell.
10 hours ago, DelaneyJuliette said:I can just use it regularly and I don't need to keep abusing it
Its never going to happen. Its just not
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1. Extreme anxiety/ paranoia
2. Made me a liar and a thief
3. Stole a decade from me of what could have been positive growth
4. Wrecked my health; sleep, digestive, nutrition, cardio was all trash
5. Wrecked a lot of relationships
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On 4/4/2020 at 10:40 AM, StAnne0822 said:
It really is horrible right now that she doesn't believe me. I've tried to encourage her to visit this site to read real life stories. She thinks I'm making it up!
Hi Stan, congrats on a few months off adderall. Those early months are the toughest.
As far as trying to convince your wife to believe you, I'd lay off that. Your addiction has put her and yourself through some hellish times and the last thing she wants to hear is that everything is going to be better. Shes probably tried getting things to change for many years. You just have to let your actions show her. Focus on being your best self and hopefully as you get back to the old you she'll come around.
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57 minutes ago, DelaneyJuliette said:
Today, I will go without adderall. I have made it to 1:45pm, I can and will make it the rest of the day.
One day at a time is the best way to think about it. Even after you draw that line in the sand and commit to quitting for good, its still best to think about it one day at a time. When I quit adderall and then again when I gave up alcohol, I would obsess about these hypothetical future events where I would not survive without adderall or boos. i.e. an important day at work with no sleep, a siblings bachelor party or wedding, taking care of a new born... finally I said fuck that, I'll get through today and cross those bridges when they get here.
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8 hours ago, DelaneyJuliette said:
When I woke up yesterday I really resonated with your post. But then I gave in mid-day.
Eventually you'll draw a line in the sand and say no fucking more adderall. It sounds so simple but one day something clicks and your just like for better or worse, no matter what hell I have to push through, I'm not going to take that shit again. I'm going to grind the days, weeks, months, years to get back to my natural self... sounds like your getting close to that point.
Once you really commit and you know its no longer an option because you promise to yourself, its very freeing. Sure there are shitty times but even the rough times are so much better than the daily circus going on in your mind on whether to quit now, or ever, or maybe tomorrow, and then feeling shame because you used again, etc. Its a vicious cycle that is just not sustainable.... once the shit is even a little bit not fun, and tolerance goes up, and the happy excitement wears off, its the beginning of the end.
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38 minutes ago, LuLamb said:
The past few days have been more challenging. I think the novelty of working from home and sheltering in place is waning. Yesterday I was Feeling really “blah” and my thoughts began going to how much a little Adderall would help. I need to give some structure To this new situation - mainly, I need to up the ante on the amount of exercise I’m getting. I stopped smoking pot a few weeks ago, and have been very pleasantly surprised at what a non-issue that turned out to be. But before COVID-19 *hit* I had gotten really into my OrangeTheory workouts and once they closed, I managed to do some jogging/walking/biking, but now it’s Friday and I haven’t worked out all week and am feeling incredibly sluggish. It’s great to be having so much more time for sleep, but today I feel the dull ache of too much sleep, not enough exercise. If I can manage to get myself up and out for a good run today, everything else will be gravy. All this said, overall I am really enjoying the quiet, slowed pace of sheltering in place, and, despite the pandemic, I don’t want it to end.
I definitely relate to what you say about the novelty of working from home wearing off. It was cool for a few days but eventually it gets pretty blah when you work from home for 8 hours and then when you get off your still at home with nowhere to go.
The wife and I have been doing at home workouts, walking the dogs, and going for runs after we finish the workday. Its really helped with with the mood and overall sanity. Just commit to do some exercise daily and don't waiver. You won't regret it.
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I did that kind of addict justification for months and years. Trust me you can still handle your current life without stimulants. Most likely way better. It might not seem better when you initially quit but you can handle it. And you'll be much more present with your 4 kids and way more self aware about your business... opposed to just speeding through the day being a productive machine. Its not a sustainable way of life.
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We aren't working from home yet but I work in a very small office, I do construction estimating. I had some really great momentum at work leading up to this pandemic regarding focus and motivation. But my concentration has been shit since this crisis. I know its the worst thing to do but I obsess over the news surrounding it and have neglected my work. Then its a cycle of being stressed that I'm behind on work and further neglecting my work to distract myself from feeling stressed.
Its definitely a strange time to be alive. I'm not necessarily worried about getting sick, but I'm definitely weirded out about having to stay in, and everything being shut down and how wiped out the grocery stores are. Just feel very weird about it all, feels like a movie, feels like the type of thing we always assume would never really happen.
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1 hour ago, MarTheophilus said:
You heard wrong about kratom. No, it has 0 withdrawals as long as you take it In moderation. As I have drank coffee for years without problems, I have drank kratom for years without problems, I mean that, no fiending, no withdrawals, no over intoxication (which is pretty hard to do with kratom because it’s so mellow. You should read from the American Kratom Association. You’re being lied to brother, I don’t know what those people were doing, but they weren’t doing it right. Kratom is fantastic and no more addictive than coffee, which, if you take too much of, has terrible withdrawals. So go get some kratom my man, and don’t listen to the hype. Read David Kroll’s article on Forbes about the science of kratom and how the only people in his interviews that suffered were those who took kratom extract in high doses.
You say I am in the honeymoon phase with Adderall and I see what you mean, but consider that the real problem you have is your doctor’s bad guidelines.
perhaps Adderall should only be taken a few times a week, or just once in a while. My coworker Brian does that and he has seen great success
peace
I only expressed my personal experience of close friends who take Kratom. They take it every day and multiple times per day. That just doesn't appeal to me, I don't want to be dependent on anything to feel a certain mood or motivation.
As for Adderall, I took the shit a few times per week and as prescribed for years and I would have told you the same thing about how great it makes life and its such an enhancer for focus and productivity and mood. I thought I found the cheat code but theres no free lunch in life. Eventually that shit lost its magic and the only way to get that same feeling is a little more and little more. At the end I was binging 120 to 160mg daily and consumed by the need to attain more pills. It led to panic attacks and constant anxiety and me doing shit that I would normally never do. So moderation is not an option for myself and most of the people on here.
Maybe you have the discipline to take it a few times a week for a lifetime and thats cool. Live and let live
Peace ☮ ✌
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30 minutes ago, MarTheophilus said:
If you haven’t tried it yet, kratom might help you get away from Adderall, and it is completely salubrious in moderation.
i love Adderall, it’s life changing for work but I too have made the mistake of taking too much in order to get strong effects. Just went through 120mg today and I am disappointed so I did a web search to see what kinds of similar stories there were online and if there were any tips to control it.
I need this drug, but stories like yours make me think it should be used sparingly.
I'd be careful recommending Kratom. I'm sure it probably is more sustainable than adderall but the few people I know that use Kratom, take it Every. Single. Day. and I've heard the withdrawls are pretty brutal. I considered it at one point but I don't really get excited about being dependent on something new.
You mention you love adderall but just binged 120mg today. I get it man I used to love it too until I fucking hated it. You say you need it and we all fucking believed we "needed" it but trust me when I tell you that you don't brother... something led you to these forums so I believe deep inside your ready to get off the shit. You don't sound quite ready but your definitely moving out of the honeymoon phase of adderall.
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On 3/3/2020 at 3:54 PM, okie said:
This is old, but just wanted to share that I’ve been on nuvigil for the past month while.l quitting vyvanse cold turkey. Quitting ALOT of vyvanse cold turkey.
it’s been great for me - I don’t have cravings to take more than prescribed like I did with vyvanse, and feel like it has made the past month+ a little less miserable. Initially I was taking 250mg, but that made my anxiety go crazy so I’ve gone down to 125 and am in the perfect range.
Just wanted to share my positive experience.
You might not have cravings to take more because its new to you. Its still a stimulant like adderall or vyvanase. Thats why it made your anxiety go crazy. If you want to put the anxiety and side affects behind you, I'd get off this stuff as quickly as you can. Deal with the shitty withdrawls, push through and start recovering/healing.
On the brink of suicide... (prescribed at age 12)
in General Discussion
Posted
brains are very malleable or plastic until your at least 25 years and your not even 20. And recently scientists have figured out that the human brain is capable of changes far beyond the mid 20's.
I abused adderall daily and in high doses for several years and my brain seems to be still improving and I'm in my mid 30's. I can feel joy, I can find focus, I can create motivation when there is none.
It may seem like an escapable hell but I promise you its not. Its sucks you got put it on it as a young kid and its not fair but you have a chance to recreate your self and work your ass to become whoever you want.
Ex drug users or addicts are very interesting, strong and resilient people because they have to pull themselves out of shitty spots like your in. Theres a future you that you can be proud of. Just have to keep doing the next right thing no matter how fucking difficult.