OnSomething
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Posts posted by OnSomething
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No advice, just wanted to congratulate you on one month. That is not easy
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Well.. I made my way back to these forums. Part of me wants to delete all my old posts, given I was high for a lot of them, but it’s all part of the journey so I suppose I won’t.
I am on day 1 again (~120mg/day). I’m hoping to taper off alcohol this week as well. I’ve picked up a few other fun habits (looking at you, ketamine & opioids) and the only thing they make me do is wish I was high on speed. I am fully obsessed with this drug and I know I need serious help. NA is helping but I’m looking into treatment.
Anyway, just wanted to re-introduce and hope to talk to y’all soon
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Tomorrow will be my day 1.. NA has really helped me but I’m dreading the cravings. Anyone have any good podcast/movie recommendations/etc to distract me through my bad cravings? For reference I’m taking 200mg a day and drink 2 bottles of wine a night to come down..
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Could I join this group as well? Thank you all for starting something
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1 hour ago, speedracer said:
Wow, cant believe nobody replied to this post. I got 2.5 years and I got through my first year doing AA and quitting alcohol. I think the key was giving myself enough time to quit and going to support groups at AA. Going to my higher power every day and following the steps. Hard to fail if you do the program and get support. Must give yourself enough time to adjust to sobriety before putting pressure on yourself. I gave myself two years with no pressure to succeed in my career. Just allowed myself to be a loser for up to two years...and now things are radically better. I get as productive at times now as I did when I was peaking on Adderall. Good Luck
How did you do this at first while working??
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Wow that’s great!! What’s going to keep you through this week (assuming you work)?
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Hey girl!
The only thing we really have in common is that we were both diagnosed w ADHD young and that we got started too high (I started right off w 20 mg as a kid, which honestly did make me tired, but then I started abusing to feel something).If you feel old now, wait until you whip through 160mg/day for 7 years.. please believe me when I say you have a chance out now. You might feel like shit but please take it.
I’m v new to this journey, but I need someone who can kinda struggle with me. Maybe we can find something that we can both try together this week?
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Honestly I have no idea what we’ve been taking. Please remind yourself this is a drug and your feelings right now are not the truth. Feelings =/= truth.
I have a similar story - got prescribed as a kid (I do have severe ADHD though, but was given no tools or advice aside from the pills). By highschool I lost it- I could learn so much so fast, why would I pay attention? Even with the medication? I needed much more advanced work, with or without Adderall. My brain has always been like a sponge, so I was upset no one nurtured it.
(this has a point lol)
I started freshman year of college- I didn’t just fall in love w knowledge; I felt like I was learning and being respected for the first time. But that summer I got an abusive partner. Transferred schools for him sophomore year.
The first week I accidentally took two 20 mg pills bc I couldn’t remember if I took it or not. It usually made me tired, so when the physiological effects hit I knew- but as for my first high? All I felt was empathy for him. Not high, just confidence and a love for myself and a feeling that I could do work well (which I already knew).
I quickly deteriorated. 100mg/day within 3 months. I’ve been using more than that for 6 years now. I’ve never stopped. College became something so crushing to me I still have a hard time driving behind buses or going through college towns after.
My love for learning is still there, but I am so traumatized by everything. I’m still young too.. but my concern beyond getting sober is who would ever take me seriously that adderall fucked my life up so hard.
Also there’s the depressing fact I’m still a slave to the guy who was half the problem, and still a slave to a drug I hate. I feel like I have one last chance at being a young adult and I’m so scared to do it
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I am a chronic abuser & chronic relapser.
I can get through the PAWS (monthly) but I have never made it past 2 weeks (aside from 3 months 6 years ago, sad).
I need to stop, but I also need replacement behaviors.
Please give me some hope on how to do things differently and get past week 2. Specifically things that I’ll feel capable of doing.
This drug has severely warped me, and the worst part is I barely view it that way - it crushes me when I have a moment of clarity. It’s like the saying “the best trick the devil ever pulled was getting people to believe he doesn’t exist”.
I know I’ve posted quite a few times before, but I hope that you have patience and remember the severity. Maybe this could be the time for me
Note: inpatient isn’t an option for me right now.
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Hello,
I’m 0 days clean. I have said so many times I want to quit, even making promises to God, just to not. Tomorrow I am quitting. I told my best friend of how I take 100+mg a day and drink 1-2 bottles of wine every night. She is helping me come up w/ a plan. I am calling my doctor tomorrow.
I have been trauma to trauma throughout my life, and since starting counseling recently realized how severe my neglect was growing up. Adderall was a coping tool that worked well at first. I am scared to give up the only thing I know, even though it’s killing me.
My question is this- how do you find new coping tools? How do you know if they’re working or healthy? What’s worked for you?
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On 2/7/2020 at 4:54 PM, DC011381 said:
Hey Aurora hang in there. I had such intense suicidal ideation in early recovery BUT IT GOES AWAY, I promise. I wouldn't have believed that if someone told me but with time it gets better! Dig in and with time things get better...
Half dangerous advice. True, suicidal thoughts may be temporary for some (still traumatic), but for many depression is something that will need continuing treatments to feel the healthiest they can.
It was so brave of you to go to the hospital! I could see why you’d be scared to try another chemical, but I’d really encourage you to try under your doctors care. Sometimes people need to try different things to work. I was lucky and my first one, Celexa, saved my life. I still have to do other work to help lessen my depression & ADD, but I would not be able to without it.
As for school and work, even if you bomb your classes this term, you will have the strength to re-do anything after things fall in place mentally for you.
Rooting for you.
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I’m glad you made an account! Finding your place in a understanding community will only help your recovery. It gives me hope to hear progresses, so keep posting!
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This chemical has been in charge of me since I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid. It was therapeutic until college, where I accidentally took two and got my first high. Things fell apart rapidly, and my reality must be pretty distorted since I don’t hate the drug.
So I’m choosing to quit even though I don’t feel like it. I’ve been waiting for that feeling to come, but I can feel my body shutting down.
Any success stories of quitting without hitting “rock bottom”?
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I think it depends how much you were taking. I also struggled with not remembering who I was before quitting. I don't think that's a bad thing though, you can be whoever you want and it will probably be better than a life on Adderall no matter what. Since you can't take time off I'd just recommend early bedtimes and having rewards set up for the weekends. Maybe try cutting back on drinking too for the week to help with energy in the morning! Best of luck
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Welcome tiptoe! You seem like a very patient spouse (and probably person overall). It was very loving of you to post this.
Your wife sounds like she could have a substance abuse dual diagnosis, meaning both an addiction and a mental health disorder (such as depression or anxiety). I'm not sure if she'd be open to therapy but it could be a marriage (and life) saver.
Anyway, I wish you the best & please continue to post on here whenever you need!
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Yes!! 7 months into my deep addiction I not only had 2 gaps in my teeth I never had before. My gum line also receded, which my dentist said it's typical for people under stress, but I know that stress is directly due to my addiction. Daydreambeliever is right though, teeth can be fixed.
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I am struggling with missing the Adderall euphoria (which went away early in my addiction anyway). I would love to hear what little things in your life bring you so much joy now that you're clean that you wouldn't want to go back to it? I think it'd be super motivating for me to hear different areas of life that will get better clean
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13 hours ago, marybelle said:
he asked about triggers and I said my trigger is my appetite being a model, my body is something that makes me money it is my job. of course it FEELS better to accomplish fitness goals off addy but again I was mentioning MY TRIGGER which is decrease in hunger. if only quitting were that easy "omg it just FEELS BETTER off Adderall" yeah no shit. thats why I'm here. it isn't that easy, I am on this site because Adderall is ruining my life. where in the hell did I say my life is golden??
I could definitely see how Adderall could be a major tool in modeling. I pole dance so the appetite loss was just another reason for me to love Adderall, I had absolute control over everything I ate. Sorry I don't have much advice on how to handle that trigger, it might just take time and some planning. Keep me updated on everything!
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On 9/7/2018 at 4:17 PM, LiberatedMind said:
adderall makes me heartless and sociopathic. Now I have the opposite problem, I am emotional and over-empathetic ugh. In the short term, that heartless sociopath was more confident.
If I were to summarize my 2-3 year addy addiction, this would be it. It was the first thing I noticed during my first high and what I chased for years- it made me "empathetic". It made me lose my emotions and helped me overcome my major depression for a short while by just not caring and using that energy to love myself instead. It's very hard to explain but I know what you mean. It was obviously a fake feeling and a fantasy for me, but it felt good while it lasted. Anyway, I'm also coming up on my 3 months sober so it's interesting to see someone in a similar place as me. Keep pushing on
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Hey guys! I'm entering month 3 of being clean and I realize this is probably already answered somewhere, but what things in your life improved for you in month 3 & 4? I can't exactly remember what normal feels like and I would love something to look forward to during this next month or two.
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Yes! They aren't the same but similar enough to where I'd say you made the right decision. I'm guessing your doctor doesn't know you're recovering? Maybe you should tell him/her. Also, there are so many ways to lose weight and working out and eating healthier foods will help you so much more in your recovery than that drug would.
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Welcome back! Honestly, I saw so much of my old self when I was reading this. We are all similar in so many ways, the only variants really being how much and how long. I took 6-10 20mg Adderall IR a day for 3 years, give or take. I have been sober coming up on 2 months and I truly gave up on the thought of becoming sober a long time ago. For me, it took drastic changes (moving schools out of state, etc). I feel like it's helped me be more comfortable with rewiring my brain because it's all new territory, and I really think that's the only way I could have gotten sober but of course that's an extreme example and there are so many life changes you can make that can help you recover. If I have any advice it would be to keep coming onto this website, even if you continue using. You mentioned you're in an okay spot w/ your job to start detoxing, so I would. You might not be in that spot forever. You might think you're doing okay in your workplace but lets be real, you're high everyday. It's noticeable. It will catchup. You should stop while you can because I promise you your addiction will get worse. Start researching what detoxes are like and just start. Just do it, even if you relapse. Good luck
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@livey12 Congrats on your 6 mo! I feel like the physical side effects were a huge contributing factor to me wanting to quit as well. Journaling is a good idea, I was always too high and OCD-like to write in one so it will feel good to be able to sit down and try now. Best of luck in your recovery, we're here for you!
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I'm back to the beginning of my recovery (day 8 I believe) as I have relapsed recently. My brain feels so off. I know it will get better with time but I feel as if I cannot trust my thoughts right now as I'm craving amphetamines so much & it is taking all of my strength to keep saying no. I was using heavy amounts but I'd love advice from anyone, no matter how much or little you used, how do you recognize an addict-type of thought and get into a sober mentality? Why do I only remember the "positive" times I've had with amphetamines when I crave it and forget how it wrecked my life? What do you do to help?
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Adderall 12 step zoom mtg? (Not NA)
in General Discussion
Posted
I wish. I’d highly recommend NA though, I even wish my non-addict friends would go lol. They have virtual meetings every hour. Otherwise, I’ve heard good things about Smart Recovery