[Relapse Damage]

@DopeyMean Perhaps you're right. Maybe I should have a thankful heart to have learned my lessons the hard way and got the drug out of my life vs never quite being the same with it at the prescribed amount in my system for the rest of my life

[Relapse Damage]

I made the mistake of justifying the reasons to try "just taking my prescribed amount" again. Of course I ended up binging almost the entire bottle within a few days and making some awful decisions- such as seeing my ex-abuser. The worst part is I don't even realize the extent of the damage that I'm doing when I'm high. Looking back, I wasn't ever myself even when I took my prescribed amount for a year. Adderall really is like a devil out to ruin my life. So today is my day one again, pills flushed and all. 

[Feeling good and very lucky.]

11 hours ago, Frank B said:

Yes I was pretty much a lazy ass for 2 years doing the bare minimum but never wanted to be and none of us do why it’s so hard for us to quit

 

THIS. Seriously. There are little to no trials on long-term effects on speed withdrawals in general (not just Adderall) but I feel like it shouldn't be so hard for doctors to piece together recovered =/= overcoming the earliest withdrawal stages. I consider anyone who wants to quit any addiction to be much stronger than the average person. Every day we go without speed is a huge success, even if we haven't done much else. It's a bummer so many people have such judgemental and old fashion views of addicts. 

[Day 13 Update]

On 6/5/2018 at 8:34 PM, quit-once said:

Yep.  Couldn't agree more.  I've lost entire days that I couldn't account for.

Doesn't that just creep you out? I feel like there are chunks of my life missing and frankly I don't really want to know what I was doing with that time. I'm thankful for a sober mind now!

[Screwed if you do, screwed if you don't]

This is a tough place to be in and I feel for you. I was a pre-med student but am taking a break to quit Adderall because I know it would be impossible to stop while on campus. What am I doing while I recover? Making porn. I can't wait to go back to school, as I feel so stupid for where I am in life, but for now I just can't. I think we're in a place in life that only addicts would understand. Adderall is dehumanizing in how it gives you so much confidence- but really think about it. Your career won't get easier after you pass the exam, it will only get harder. There will always be a time where Adderall sounds seductive and helpful. If you give in now, what's to stop you in the future? 

[Day 13 Update]

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks clean from Adderall! I went from 140mg a day to nothing and it honestly felt like I was waking up from a coma. By day 8 I actually felt a moment of HOPE and excitement for my future for the first time since before my addiction. I am obviously still early in my recovery but I think it'd be good for people who visit this site to see that recovery doesn't have to be excruciatingly painful. Every time I had tried to quit it was, but this time is different because I let my love for Adderall die first. Anyways, being an Adderall addict is no way to live and I pray for everyone who is on edge of quitting! If anyone has advice for finishing up my first month that'd be great :') 

[How do you fix the life Adderall broke?]

On 5/24/2018 at 7:11 PM, Cheeri0 said:

Hey @OnSomething, have you ever thought about Narcotics Anonymous? It's a big part of my recovery... I usually try not to peddle it here because it's NOT the only way to get/stay clean, but your particular posts make me think it might be a good option for you. If you're really feeling hopeless, there's nothing like walking into a room full of people whose lives were worse than yours and are now living successfully/beautifully to fill you with hope. A lot of adderall addicts separate themselves from NA meetings because there are relatively few of us who go (depending on your area). Where I live, I'd guess the fellowship is about 70 percent opiate addicts, 15 percent coke, and 15 percent meth. So it's easy to feel "different" from everyone. But when you get to the core of people's issues, we're pretty much exactly the same. And more people have experience there with amphetamine withdrawal than you'd think. If you're looking for an instruction manual and some really personal attention from someone who understands, go to some meetings and try to sniff out a sponsor. It changed the game for me. 

Hey Cheeri0! I'm glad you brought that up! The night before I quit I bought an AA 12 step book and I don't really have an excuse for not trying NA because I know deep down I should. That's very encouraging to hear it's helped you. I only want to go through these withdrawals once so I know I have to stay clean, I think NA would be a lifeline for me

[How do you fix the life Adderall broke?]

On 5/24/2018 at 6:30 PM, LILTEX41 said:

"If I continue using, I'll be dead."  This is extremely serious.  You need to do whatever it takes to stop and stay stopped. Give yourself 1 year of doing the bare minimum.  Take as much stress out of your life as possible and make it the easiest year of your life. If that means dropping out of school for a year, taking a less stressful job, selling stuff, moving to a smaller place, moving in with your parents, or whatever you need to do to be financially ok for 1 year, then do it.  Get a chill job at a golf course or recreation center.  Just something easy and manageable.  Watch movies, get outside and exercise outdoors.  Sleep.  Get TONS of sleep.  Get rid of anything that triggers your use.  Yes, creating new routines is an excellent idea.  Do the opposite of whatever you were doing in your adderall life to build new neural pathways in your brain so it starts deactivating all your old habits associated with adderall.  Manage whatever tasks or things you have to do in small chunks.  Just set small goals and reward yourself for achieving them without adderall.  Go for a swim, hike, bike ride, grab coffee, see a movie, find a book in a book store and sit for hours reading, go see a concert, or camp out under the stars one night in your backyard.  Do the kind of fun stuff you probably haven't done in years because of this drug and learn to enjoy these things again.  Give yourself 1 year to allow your brain to heal and get yourself back into a positive happy place in life again.  I promise you it's worth it.  You're worth it.  Don't give up!

 

<3 LT

This is so reassuring to read! Tonight I was out with friends and they were not taking me seriously when I brought up my recovery. I don't think people understand how much effort I'm giving to do the bare minimum and I guess it was a little embarrassing, so thank you for your kind words! I think that's super good advice to start the positive habits you'd like to have now. I'm trying to workout more, RELAX, and, like you said, basically do everything opposite of what I did on Adderall. Hope you're doing well!

[Tick Tock- Recovery begins]

14 hours ago, quit-once said:

Welcome to the community.  Yes, firing your doctor or otherwise cutting off your supply is crucial to your success, along with realizing that total abstinence is essential to beating this unsustainable addiction.  Did you actually tell your doctor you are done? 

 

I'm probably missing something here, but by firing your doctor do you mean just finding a new doctor? Because every rx you've ever taken will be in your medical records that get xfered over to your new dr of choice. So unless you tell them to stop filling it and/or you have a problem with abusing it, it will continue to show ADD/ADHD as a continuing condition in which you need an rx for. Or is there a way to work around that?

[Who were you on Adderall??]

5 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

honestly?

1. (still at work) get excited about something to do when i finally get back home

2. pop a few pills on the drive home. psyched to do that thing!

3. way too horny now. should probably jerk off first and get it out of the way.

4. download porn for 4 hours

5. organize, catalog and tag said porn on computer

6. research and download better tools for said organization

7. forget to jerk off

8. fuck- only 30 minutes till i have to leave for work

9. jerk off furiously, unable to finish cause- well you know.

10. never did that first thing, but its okay- i'll have plenty of time tonight!

 

lol.

I actually laughed reading this because I made porn folders on my computer too. I remember googling good porn organization and getting pissed that there weren't any women answering (lol). The only main difference is instead of just watching porn, I'd make it. I have countless videos with guys I couldn't even tell you the names of. I'm a pre-med student so I get how Adderall works, but I still feel like it's odd how horny it makes, like, everyone? 

[Adderall VS pain pills]

9 hours ago, Bobcostas281 said:

I have no doubt whatsoever that there will be lawsuits related to overprescribing Adderall.  Its coming. Opioid abuse still dominates the media, but Adderall has to be coming next.  Any idiot can go to a doctor and repeat a few generic phrases "I can't concentrate" "my work life is suffering" and get a prescription 2 seconds later.  My psychiatrist told me a couple visits ago they no longer prescribe anything but XR stimulants due to "potential abuse."  First of all, you can abuse the XR.  Secondly,  I could still get the regular ones from my GP.  Now that I've told both of them of my abuse, I cant get either. 

I was still being prescribed IR and I just quit this month. It seems like physicians are not on the same page about anything with this drug. I work at a doc office that requires a checkup every 3 months before we prescribe more, but I personally have never been asked to have a follow up apt with this drug since being prescribed years ago. I recently recommended to our office that it could be a good idea for patients coming in to “discuss ADD/ADHD” to fill out a PHQ9 (a quick depression questionnaire) because depression can cause ADD/ADHD like symptoms and I was nearly fired. They looked at me like I was an idiot. The whole thing is such a mess I’m questioning if I should change my major. 

[How do you fix the life Adderall broke?]

I could really use some encouragement from people who have gotten their life together after quitting. If I continue using I’ll be dead, but figuring out how to fix what Adderall broke in my life (which is everything) is paralyzing me. What routines did you create? How did you transition back to life? I need hope.

[Who were you on Adderall??]

What was your normal day like? My Fridays usually included hand picking hairs out of my carpet (because if I was vacuuming at 2am that'd look suspicious), spending 4 hours at Fred Myers to get like 1 item, then attempting to rearrange all of my papers but usually I'd end up getting too sick to actually do anything so I'd pace around for a few hours mentally prepping to do it. My binge days were even worse. 

[Triggers]

I’m trying to figure out what I even like about this drug. I really can’t. It was killing me towards the end so I know I really can’t afford to ever take one again, but I’m not as scared of this drug as I should be. I was wondering what prevents you guys from going back to this drug that you probably hate too? I’m trying to figure out some possible triggers so I can dodge that shit.

[Probably could have died]

One of the worst things about Adderall for me was when I stopped getting high from them, I’d forget that every pill I took was in my system even if I didn’t feel it & never processed that taking more wouldn’t get me high. I knew I needed to sleep, eat, or do something to take care of myself because getting that close to overdose was shitty but I was stubborn and continued popping more hoping something would hit. Nothing ever did. I don’t know why I continued to take it when I hated it. Man God wants you alive, it’s time to figure out why. If you want to stop we can make a plan with you if you want. You are not alone, I never realized anyone else was in my position too until I found this website.

[My little secret]

Lovebear,

First of all, congrats on 20 months off of Adderall! You really should be proud for fighting the good fight. As for sharing your story, I think there’s something empowering about being honest and willing to share your mistakes with others. I think it helps you realize you have the power over the drug. It’s up to you on how much detail you want to share, but I know it’s never as bad to the other person hearing it as it is you’d think. If someone judges you for your story, it just means they haven’t been through many hardships in life. Your parents will always be scared of you using again, but it’s not like your in the dead middle of it- it sounds like this addiction is dead. That’s pretty awesome, I think your parents would feel comforted knowing you not only beat another drug but are open about it. You are a human, so are they.

[Oversleep??]

Guess I have a fair excuse for being lazy here. Thanks guys, didn't know insomnia might be an upcoming thing.. bummer. Hopefully you guys had a good week of rest!! 

[Oversleep??]

Hi! I’m still in the very beginning of my withdrawls (day 3) of heavy abuse so maybe I should wait longer to ask this, but my question is there a thing as TOO much sleep while recovering? I’m getting 12 hrs a night & am tempted to take naps in my car at work. I know sleeping too much can sometimes make a normal person even more tired, so what is a healthy amount for someone in recovery / after?? 

[Ready to be done]

Hey SleepyStupid! I’ve been too tired to reply when I get home but I’ve made it this far w/o any Adderall! You’re totally right about how chasing that high really puts you through SO many moods a day. I don’t know you but I would argue you weren’t a loser before you quit, this drug is just absolute trash and took everyone here down with it. Thank you for your support, I’m sure I’ll be on this site a lot! Off to bed now lol 

[Ready to be done]

My story probably isn't much different than anyone else's on here but thought I'd share anyways, in case someone reading it can relate. 

I was prescribed Adderall my Freshman year of college. My dad is ADD and this drug (at a way lower dose than I was even started on), from what I saw, helped him. I didn't abuse the drug the first year, however, my grades dropped & I started having depression, which I didn't link to this drug. I ended up transferring schools to be with a guy who cheated on me my first week there, and it changed me, so I ended up staying in an abusive relationship with him. 

I didn't take this drug seriously and I started taking an extra 20mg occasionally for long days and then my brain made that connection: higher doses of Adderall helped me feel better about myself in my abusive relationship. So I started taking it carelessly, and somewhere along the line, I stopped keeping track of how much I took or when. I'd whip through my bottle within 1 or 2 weeks and just take some from my dad when I ran out. Long story short, my life turned to shit and I still couldn't blame the drug for it. I grew up with a heroin-addict sister, so it was easy for me to downplay my own addiction because it didn't look like hers. This drug has taken over my life and I know I can never go back to my prescribed amount because it will never make me high.

I have been tapering off, and my life has improved some, but at this point, I'm just stalling. I hate how I feel on this drug and I hate how I feel without this drug. Tomorrow is my first full day sober, I was just wondering if anyone had tips on how they emotionally handled everything? I literally feel like I'm having to re-learn how to be human again. 

God bless you all!!!