NurseAddy

@sleepystupid Thank you. Thank you for always being around to comment/advise/reply. It’s crazy how much difference a small response makes in this world of addiction. I appreciate you. 18 days and counting!

I’m sorry to keep chiming in on my thread, but I’ve hit a bit of a wall. My refill date is the 20th, I’ve reached out to some counselors by both phone and email but I’ve heard nothing. My 15yo dog had to be mercy euthanized lastnight and I’m struggling to not want to escape the pain the best way I know how. I’ve also tried signing up to go to the gym but never end up going. Do I have to actually go into these offices to get an appt? I told them all I have insurance and money so I’m baffled that I haven’t heard back. I was hoping to see someone before the refill date rolled around and now that I‘ve lost what felt like my child (I have no children) I’m really trying to not cave. Any advice/words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Feeling like a broken soul with a broken heart and the addict is feeding off that flame. ☹️

@OnTheMend Thank you. Thank you so much for chiming in. I needed to read that. We’re all in this together. No matter the relapses and rehab stints, I hope we can all rely on each other, much like you have for me and now I for you. Congratulations on 92 days. What a fucking feat! Keep it up!

@OWG_8 I agree with @sleepystupid and also say to avoid any other stimulants and appetite suppressants ie cigarettes/tobacco and caffeine as those can also stifle the appetite.

@DrewK15 Thank you so much for the advice and kind words! Have not picked up the script as I can’t until the 16th anyway. Thought about cutting it off again but I just end up spending more money bumming stimulants off other connections. That being said, I genuinely WANT to not be tied down to this stupid drug. I’ve never seen a counselor before and actually just called to get into one today. Hopefully I hear back before the 16th. I’m also signing up for a gym. Pulling out all the stops in hopes I can kick the addiction. Thank you again!

Thank you, @Doge. Going to try my best.

Day 1 began today. I caved to my addiction, I caved to Adderall. Disappointment and depression have set it and all I honestly want is to have more Adderall to escape the feelings of regret. I went so far as to call my PCP and convince her to reinstate my script. Fucking ridiculous. I can’t believe I caved. Still can’t believe I’m such a slave to this drug. I know now I can’t win this battle on my own, and even though this site gives me more courage than I ever could by myself, I need help. Hoping to reach out to some counselors once I come out of my post adderall fog. No one deserves the torment of being an addict. I hope someone else can read this and know failure happens, but success can be achieved as long as you keep trying and try I will. Best of luck to everyone trying to kick the addy addict in them. We can do this!

@FarFromPerfectMom Hello! Just left ER to be a supervisor at a women’s clinic! Completely new world to me but I needed a new start with my new life away from stimulants. This time I’ve been off for a little over 2mo with 2 small one day relapses. Longest I’ve gone is 4mo before I relapsed completely. Just taking it one day at a time, the new job keeps my mind more occupied so as not to dwell on the ‘what ifs.’ How about yourself? Feel free to message me.

@DelaneyJuliette Ha. You are correct, L-tyrosine is what some have suggested. I live with a crossfitter so it’s hard to not get the two mixed up!

@DelaneyJuliette It worked for all of us until it didn’t. Addicts always chase the dragon of the first high that’ll never again happen. A week off is a good start, but just realize the healing process takes WAAYYYY longer. My only advice is to not try and supplement with any caffeine or energy drinks. Nothing touches what adderall could so don’t even try and reproduce the feeling. Some other members had great advice regarding L-carnitine and B12 but I can’t say I’ve tried them yet. Good luck to you! We’re in this together!

@quit-once Touché. Thank you for the advice, nonetheless.

@quit-once Thank you for your suggestions! I worry though, as with caffeine, I naively try to reproduce the feelings of the adderall high that’ll never happen. I’m sure supplements won’t either, and I understand that. Do the supplements just help you with your placebo effect? Have you tried CBD oil? @Speeder906 Thank you for your reply! How long did it take for your cravings to dissipate? I need to get back on the exercise wagon, always easier said than done though.

@Speeder906 I’ve actually already told my prescribing doc, but I understand the point you’re making, so thank you! For me, it wasn’t difficult to tell her as we have a great rapport. My new challenge is how to curb my cravings, any suggestions there?

@Tom23Jones Thank you for your honesty. I can appreciate brutal honesty, as that is exactly what I need at the moment. You’re absolutely right, on all accounts. I miss the instant gratification, and sadly may always miss it, but the reality is that it’s an instant path to pure hell. I worry about NA meetings and being recognized as well as having a nursing license to protect. I will keep marinating on the idea though, thank you. @DrewK15 Thank you for your insight. I feel I’ve reaped the benefits of taking it easy, almost too much. Sometimes I feel like when I fall off the healthy wagon it makes me revert back to my old ways and cravings of wanting Adderall. Almost as if it’s a ‘what’s the point’ if I’m not bettering myself? I hope to jump back in the healthy wagon soon.

@Tom23Jones I too have been taking caffeine pills to try and reproduce my high feelings, never with any luck. I suppose I naively expected this recovery to be quick when I abused for years and am only a month in to sobriety. Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate you replying. May I ask what you did, specifically, at the beginning to help with the recovery? What exercises and how often etc?

@LuLamb First, congrats on 30 days! Second, I fully regretting my choice to take that spare pill as all I’m thinking about now is how to get more, how to get high again. Such a shame. I know for certain I’d take at least 5 pills in a day if given access to more, wrecking my health again, but it doesn’t matter. I just crave more. Evil little orange bastards.... @Tom23Jones I’m glad I could inspire you to keep on the straight and narrow path, if only I could practice what I preach. I’m just craving it like mad now, hoping not to score some the back route. The cravings have been relentless this past month for me. When did you stop craving it, if I may ask?

@quit-once I’m sad to say I had about enough will power to question flushing it once and then took it. Now I’ve scoured my house hoping to find more without any luck. I hate this.

I woke the dragon. I found a lone pill in my drawer (I feel like the devil himself planted it) and now I can’t stop thinking about how to score more. The craving is RIDICULOUS. This pill may still have a chance to ruin my life. How do I stop thinking about it??? Help...

@m34 Thank you for the reply and the words of encouragement. Definitely needed right now!

@quit-once Love the analogy, you’re absolutely correct. I will try and look at the whole picture in a more positive light. Thank you!

Day 23 and I’m really struggling with depression and just a feeling of absolute worthlessness. Almost like a ‘pit in the stomach’ feeling when you’re dreading a certain something, except mine is dreading waking up without Adderall. Any advice or thoughts from those veteran sobriety friends?

@mad_stoic I couldn’t agree with @sleepystupid more about NEEDING off the pills. The want seems like it will never be there, but the innate NEED for your body and mind to be sober is incredibly strong once you actually step out of the nightmare of adderall and into a scary reality of sobriety. It’s terrifying, but flush those oval f*ckers and force yourself into at least a month of no access so you realize what your missing. Don’t get me wrong, the first week or two is a big ole bitch, but once your body starts re-stabilizing, the realm of sobriety warms you like adderall never could. You don’t NEED Adderall, it needs you. You don’t need a crutch, a comfort blanket or a way out. You need help. You deserve a life of not being chained to pills, not wondering when the next refill is, not calculating how many pills you have left till you’re out, not racking your brain thinking of how to score more, not dreading the crash after a binge and not fearing when there’s only one pill left. You deserve to sleep, eat and feel normal. You deserve to live reality and not escape it. You deserve to live, without adderall. Do NOT be fooled, there is no connection nor harmonizing with adderall. We are addicts, there is no two way street nor will there ever be. We are slaves to a fake notion of happiness. We live in a fantasy that was once adderall and is no longer obtainable through addiction. Whatever feeling, productivity or studying ability you’re trying to recreate time and time again, will drift further and further away along with your mind, friends, family and happiness. I promise. It’s crazy how much different sober feels from the addict. Granted, I’m still scared shitless of what I may have irreversibly ruined, but I’ve promised myself a life I want to live. What’s the point of living when all you live for is the next pill? You deserve more, we all do. Best wishes.

@LuLamb I’m feeling pretty good, considering I’m only on day 12! Thanks for asking! How about you? Feeling ok or going through the dreaded withdrawal process?

@LuLamb It gets better! I too cut off my supply just today and I’m both excited and nervous for what the future holds sans Adderall. My longest period of sobriety was 4 months and I felt great but it never stopped the thoughts of ‘maybe it’ll be different this time’ when the refill was always an option. We’re both on to a better life, without needing Adderall! Good luck!!!

I did it! I bucked up and told my PCP I no longer want the pill I’ve been a cracked out slave to for years. No more supply, no more Adderall. Feels incredibly liberating and terrifying at the same time, but I know the cycle would never cease unless I permanently stopped it. Here’s to being 10 days clean and free from the ball and chain I call Adderall!