I just flushed two weeks worth of brand name adderall down the toilet. A part of me feels bad for polluting, but there was no way I could keep myself from taking it tomorrow morning. so today is day zero. I have been addicted to prescribed adderall since September, 2015. Other than 11 months off in 2019, and very small breaks here and there. almost 6 years on it. In that timeframe, I wracked up tens of thousands of dollars in debt and have spent countless hours worrying, counting, obsessing, justifying, shaming and so on, so forth. I've isolated myself from friends and family, damaged work relationships, and hurt a man I truly love because he felt like I was choosing the adderall over him. I've been choosing adderall over myself. I can't make heads or tails of where I stand on anything because I'm always intoxicated. I forget conversations because I'm so zoned out, in my head. It went from helping me listen, to making my symptoms 10 times worse.
I was prescribed 90ml a day, but rarely took less than 100 ml a day. There was a period of time (before my 11 month break) where I would sometimes take 200 ml in a day. I just can't do it any longer.
I would like to cut ties with my prescribing doctor this week. if anyone has any tips or strategies to effectively end such a relationship, please share. out of all of my relationships, that is the one that needs to end. I will try to document my process on this forum, but it will most likely be sparingly because I will be extra lazy and uninspired. though the adderall killed all inspiration towards the end. I plan on using supplements, diet, and exercise to heal. If anything stands out as particularly helpful, I will share my findings with you all.
