Hopefulily

I am SO impressed you are on your 5th day! Keep going!!! I think it’s that feeling that you are describing that scares me about quitting. I am going to try again tomorrow. I said I was going to throw my pills away and I haven’t. In my head I told myself I would continue my wean down (I took 20mgs today vs the 120mgs I was taking in January when I realized I had a huge problem). The fact that there is a whole website devoted to kicking this drug should remind me that this is no easy thing but also to STOP taking it. Clearly is causes major issues and has in my life and the lives of others so whyyyy do I think I need it?!! I’m so disappointed in myself for not doing it. I worry I will fail at doing something for my kids or house or husband or dog or extended family or friends or community but in reality, like many people on this forum, adderall only makes me ThINK I am successful/productive.

I do too! But I am sad to report I caved and took 20mg today. I am mad at myself and can give an excuse and blame it on this or that but the truth is I couldn’t handle the intense fatigue and gave in around 2pm. I asked my husband to give it to me. I said I would quit by New Years. I took 10 mg then took another 10 around 6 to get laundry done tonight. Ugh. I know why people can only do cold turkey - bc once it is in your system you think you need more. I am goi g to get some l tyrosine which I have read works for people. I had caffeine this morning which I rarely do bc of all of the stimulants and it made me feel weird and angsty. Or maybe I felt that way bc I hadn’t taken my morning dose? 3 days is the longest I’ve gone I’m sad to report. I use my kids and housework and needing to get stuff done as an excuse. It should t be. I need to stop with the excuses. I have been trying to read as many peoples stories on here, listen to the daily stoic podcast for motivation but I don’t know why I always cave.

I can’t believe I actually posted on here. Delaney and Georgia let’s do this!!! We know we can!!!! We truly do. It’s all in our mindset.

I have been reading this website for years and am so thankful for it. I am so ready to be DONE. I am half the wife and mom and friend and neighbor and human I want to be. I am so tired of feeling like a machine with a checklist. I want to be adderall free. I have taken it for too many years. I am DONE and finally writing on this website to state it! I’m scared but excited. I have 3 young girls under 5, a crazy dog and wonderful husband who has been helping me wean down. The problem is I keep finding it and taking my 30mg dose. I tell him but he keeps trying. Now it’s under lock and key but he gives me 20mgs per day. During the pandemic I got up to 120mgs with Xanax and or alcohol at night. I find when I give up alcohol I am able to not take or take much less adderall. The other night I had my last hurrah with alcohol- getting so drunk I didn’t realize I cut my foot dancing at a neighbors party. I am better than this. Adderall has made me rude, short, neat freak who has forgotten how to daydream and enjoy life. I do not want to be a pill popper and bad example to my daughters. My husband has my pills and I’m going to tell him to throw them out. My sister recently quit adderall 2 months ago and said life is so much better, more fun, gaining 10 lbs is nothing verse the life she is enjoying. She said she had one day where she relapsed and was cranky and just wanted to be on her phone ignoring the kids she has grown to love and Nannie’s for. She continually tells me to take the plunge. I am scared. Oh so so scared. But I am never proud of myself for anything I do bc it is the adderall doing it for me. I want to join you in the 30 day challenge. There are SO many motivating stories on here. I am going to go sober. I can’t take the substances. My doctor is so quick to give me anything I ask for. I am now a pill head and it all started with adderall 10 years ago. Today I end it. I will check in every day and want to join you all! We can cheer each other on! I am so inspired reading old posts of people being there for each other. So incredible! I want to be writing in this time next year telling everyone else that it is possible. I want it more than anything.