Evie25

90 days...still struggling like hell, but sleeping and laughing feel damn good.

I definitely notice a trend here, and from my experience with adderall (have been off 3 months).I am a shy person too, and the first year I took addy, I felt AMAZING! I could focus, grasp difficult concepts, and felt outgoing and confident in social situations. It's like it took away all my inhibitions and anxiety. I barely slept, but that seemed insignificant compared to all of the benefits. After the first year or so, I started noticing that my tolerance to adderall had gone up, so I'd have to increase my dose to achieve the same effects (with or without my Dr. writing me a higher prescription). Adderall still felt kinda good, but I also started noticing the irritability and crashes at the end of the day more and more. After the 3rd year is when things started going downhill. I was so tired, worn out, but I'd keep popping the adderall just to feel awake and focus at work. I started becoming incredibly paranoid, had this bizarre feeling like I was foreign in my own skin. The like of sleep started to catch up with me and I would go through days in a zombied trace, barely aware of my actions or feelings. It was terrible, I can't imagine anything worse, bring on ADHD any day. My advice is to quit adderall before it gets as bad as it did with me. You will regain your confidence, maybe not at first, but eventually. If you continue the adderall, it's likely that your confidence will diminish anyways.

Has anyone seen this bit with Doug Stanhope (comedian) on prescription drugs? I almost died laughing at 3:30 when he starts talking about addererall.

I think I underestimated how hard it will be to get off this drug. The first 2-3 weeks I felt surprisingly good. I was a little lethargic and gained a few pounds (which I'm now exercising to take off). I'm almost at 1 month now off the pill and I want it back. BAD. I feel so bored by my job, apathetic, unmotivated, emotionless. I must have used the addy to numb my feelings, to give me a sense of euphoria, because now I find myself looking for other ways to escape life. I've never been a big drinker, but I've started drinking more than usual. I am exercising and trying to make myself accomplish tasks at work, but I feel very down in general. Often asking myself, "what's the point to all of this?" (not in a suicidal way). Please..I need some reassurance why I should put myself through all of this.

Anyone in the Chicago area that would like to meet up? I've had trouble finding support groups in the area.

This was so me.....and probably countless other addy users

I completely lacked empathy when I was on adderall. Usually I am a compassionate, sensitive person, but I become very heartless and impatient with everyone on it. The funny thing is that I didn't see anything wrong with my behavior when I was on it. Other people would tell me that I changed, that I had no regard for anyone or anything. But I was so in love with the drug that I shrugged off those comments. I would become impatient when my friends or boyfriend talked to me-I just wanted everyone to hurry up and finish what they were saying, since I was always in work mode and in a rush to get everything done. I've been off addy for over two weeks at this point and my personal relationships have improved drastically. I have become much more patient and caring. I probably felt empty for the 1st week, but my mood is improving too. I hope you start feeling back to your old self soon.

Hi Ashley, I know I've read some of your posts and I wish you strength and determination to continue each day without the addy. Does it get easier past a month, or is it still a constant struggle? I am still off it, though I guess I can't give myself too much credit because I have no way of taking them, now that I told my Dr. to stop writing the prescriptions. Had a bad day today and damn I missed the pills like crazy. I am doing some reading on PAWS and am quite intrigued. I think it may help to think of this as a process I have to go through, rather than just my emotions being out of control.

I am so grateful for this this site. For all of the inspiring stories and for giving me tools I need to quit this hellish drug. My story is similar to many others on here. I've always had problems with organization and keeping my thoughts from "bouncing around" in my head. I was a musician in college and always did quite well without stimulants. But when I started my current job, I was faced with an overwhelming workload; speed of work and multitasking became much more important than creativity. When I first started taking addy, It felt like I'd finally found the solution to my struggles with focusing and organization. Studying became so much easier, I felt euphoric and found excitement in even the most mundane tasks. I found I was able to accomplish a lot more than I could without the drug, and this fit my personality in a sense; it fulfilled my desire to be the best at what I do and to perfect everything. At first, the side effects seemed minimal. The daily withdrawals and lack of sleep seemed like small annoyances in comparison to the amount I was able to accomplish each day. I loved the way I had no appetite and lost my interest in food. Of course all this changed after a year or so. I became more and more irritable and heartless, having no regard for anyone. At the end of each day when I was withdrawing, I would become extremely paranoid and needy, scared of the world and of being alone. I would pick fights with my boyfriend, become furious at him over very small issues. I never could really relax, I was too wound up all the time and my shoulders hurt from the tension. I'm convinced that the sleep deprivation and paranoia led to some sort of psychosis at times. My friends told me that I wasn't myself, that I overreacted to everything. I didn't want to listen and was in denial. The thought of going off the drug terrified me because I envisioned losing my job, gaining 30 pounds, and being completely useless. After reading some of the articles and forums on this website, I finally admitted how damaging the dug had become to me. Was being more productive and churning out work really worth losing my soul? Besides that, I was hardly productive anymore due to the lack of sleep and constant anger I felt towards everyone. I've been off it nearly 2 weeks and it hasn't been easy. My appetite has been out of control and I've slowed down at work. But since I've been sleeping better, I also find I have more energy to accomplish things. I felt so relieved reading on this site that I should expect myself to be worthless for a while. That I should accept that and not expect too much of myself at first. Giving myself permission to be "lazy and worthless" when quitting the drug made this process seem so much less daunting. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my back, now that I'm not a slave to this drug. I told my Dr. today not to prescribe me addy anymore and felt empowered because it was my choice, what I wanted. Excited to finally start "living" again because I felt like a walking dead person before. I will get my weight under control, start exercising again. I know I'll get it all back, it will just take effort. And effort feels like a foreign concept right now. Sorry to ramble, just felt the need to share this with others who know what I'm going through. And thank everyone for their stories which had a huge impact on my decision to quit.

Thanks for the helpful tips everyone. I think I tend to psych myself out when I try to quit, mentally fearing that I'll eat a ton and gain weight. But if I just focus more on exercising and eating really healthy (since I haven't exactly been eating so well on addy), I'm hoping that any weight gain will come off in a few months. I am so used to just using addy as my main source of energy. Really not listening to my body and what nutrients it needs. And I have to just let go and realize that I may gain a few pounds, but they'll come off eventually and I'll be rid of this nasty pill that is controlling my life.

I have been taking adderall for almost four years now, and it's slowly started to suck the life out of me, to the point I don't even recognize myself or my actions. I want to feel like I felt when I first start taking the drug, because the first two years were amazing. I know that feeling is not going to return-especially after reading other's experiences on this forum. I've known I need to quit for a while now, but am terrified of gaining weight; staying thin has always been incredibly important to me (used to have an eating disorder). I have always loved to exercise, way before I started adderall. While the adderall initially made me exercise even more, it's seriously hindered my running/exercise routine at this point. The hypertension is not a good feeling when I'm running on the treadmill and I get tired easily. So I know that if I quit, I'll probably end up being in better shape eventually. Has anyone quit adderall and NOT experienced drastic weight gain? If so, how did you do it? Willpower? Following a certain diet? It'd be reassuring to know of a few cases where people manage to not gain a ton of weight when quitting, but maybe this is inevitable and I just need to let go.