whosthisguy

I recently ran out of this and the price is a little too steep for me to re-up right now, but if you can afford it, I'd definitely recommend a good matcha green tea. If you don't already like green tea, don't bother--even a green tea lover I've recommended it to said it almost made her throw up. It's essentially high quality green tea leaves pounded with a stone to make a very fine powder. So fine that if you flip the jar from an upside-down state to an upright state and open the can, you'll find your nostrils lined with green powder and your hands looking like Shrek. Be warned. Well, if that didn't turn you off of it, it has a LOAD of B vitamins in it. It has ~130x the amount of EGCG in it than regular green tea, it has more antioxidant capacity than blueberries and açai berries, and it boosts your metabolism pretty well! I feel like it has more l-theanine in it than regular old green tea, too, which balances out the caffeine jitters and gives you calming natural stimulation. It's not magic, but it helped pick me up a little when I used it. It's a pretty good detoxing agent, too. I read one study where it upped the excretion of environmental toxins in rats. I found it helped my digestive system a little, too. Your mileage may vary, but just something you might wanna look into! http://www.amazon.com/DoMatcha-Green-Harvest-Matcha-2-82-Ounce/dp/B0019FR0WQ

I'm moving to NYC in August and would love some good influences in my life when I get there (I tend to make bad ones, lol), so if this thread is still alive then, I may be interested!!

It's so strange, but on top of the disoriented, out-of-it feeling, I almost feel like my fatigue is taking me to the point where I'm not as hungry as often or I'm just too damn tired to eat. I just forced myself to make some rice and two slices of pizza... they're still sitting next to me, but I know I have to eat them. It's so frustrating. :/. Tomorrow is day 10 (shouldn't be, but I relapsed on day 10 last time and flushed them down the toilet) and my W/D feelings are only getting worse. I wish they'd let up a little bit. Maybe I should start running to stimulate my metabolism and subsequent hunger again.. I was obsessed with running on AD, maybe I can get into it again off it. Everything just feels more laborious. Well, obviously. Edit - Lol, I don't know why I'm giving a play-by-play of my eating habits, but I just ate a slice of pizza and half the bowl of rice and I'm stuffed. Not normal. I HATE ADDERALL. I'm glad I joined this because I've always been too lazy to journal... whenever I feel like relapsing I'm just gonna read my whiny, long-winded, ADHD-infused posts.

Wow, thank you guys so much. The first reply was very straightforward and blunt (the type of person I can tend to be) while the second was very empathic and from a place that resonated with me. I deeply appreciate both of your replies. I came on here because I had the thought, "What if I just refilled when I got to school and used it for assignments? Or to go out and have fun in the city on speed?" That's such addict thinking and you both basically said what I was thinking before I thought it. It's seriously the addiction talking... some of my friends are on it and I do think it helps with their "ADHD" and it's sorta helping them... I guess... even though I think they seem kind of emotionally distant without it. I live close to the beach and had a lot of fun with my friends this weekend there and they said they had a great time with me and I felt they were genuine. We really don't need to have a drug to enjoy ourselves or to let our natural selves shine. I will definitely look at your replies to me and other posts on this forum when I'm feeling low.

Update, an hour after posting this: Reading everything I wrote really put everything into perspective for me. It was kinda cathartic. I dumped all of my pills in the toilet and can't get a refill for 2 more weeks. We'll see how I am feeling then.. The thought that my friends think I am on stimulants when I don't actually take them is compelling enough for me.. I don’t even know where to start. I’ve viewed this forum a lot and never really had the motivation to post. I don’t know why, probably because it’s so hard to think about how hard I’ve crashed and burned. My friends tell me I’m one of the smartest/beautiful/easy to talk to people they know. Little do they know, that’s how I see them and I feel like the black sheep among them all. Do smart people pop an insane amount of Adderall to write a 38-page thesis while neglecting their other courses? I should have failed my last semester of college. I got a D in a class because I was so focused on making my thesis perfect. I had to literally beg the teacher to change my grade. When I was able to convince her to change it, I broke down crying on the phone with her. Not even out of happiness—because I felt so pathetic that I had to manipulate someone because I have a drug problem. Do beautiful men have a 128-pound body? So what if I have a nice face; I am borderline underweight. Do easy to talk to people feel anxious in every single social situation and somehow wing them all? It wasn’t always this way. At the end of my senior year of high school, I was 2nd place in superlatives for “Most Likely to Brighten Your Day†and “Most Likely to Succeed.†I felt those were true, too. Now I feel like a shell of my former self. I got prescribed Adderall my sophomore year of college. It made me feel like a superstar. It helped me do better in school and make me feel better about myself overall. Now I feel disgusted with myself when I pop one of those blue pills. When I take it, I become more sullen and less engaged with others. When I don’t take it, I think about taking one and I’m tired. I tried to go off it at the end of the semester because I was so disgusted with myself for almost failing a class… I went 10 days and couldn’t deal with the lethargy. I want so badly to just dump them down the toilet, but my mentor wants me to submit my thesis for publication. That means I have to do homework all throughout the summer. How will I do it without Adderall? How will I focus during the withdrawals? I’m moving to New York City in September for grad school and I’m PETRIFIED. If I don’t stop taking Adderall now, I’m going to be wandering around campus like a zombie. I know I won’t want to engage with anyone. I want my old self back and it sounds so easy to just dump all of those stupid pills. I didn’t even include how I have ended up in the ER 3 times because I drink with the pills and it makes me not feel the alcohol, even though it’s definitely in my system. I lost my ex because I hyperfocused on my own needs and my schoolwork. There’s so much I could include here. How do you people deal with the lethargy from quitting? How do you deal with knowing that you have so much to get done but no motivation to do it? Should I just dump them all down the toilet and deal with the withdrawals because I will have no other option? I have to get on the phone with my advisor on Monday to talk about my manuscript but I’m scared I will be nodding off to sleep during it if I quit now. I feel like I’m going insane.