Hello everyone,
I have visited these forums for awhile and tried to use some of the suggestions/methods but I can't seem to win this battle with adderall. First, I would like to tell you that you are all an inspiration and I aspire to have the strength you all have in overcoming this battle. Here is my story:
I grew up in a struggling single mother household ever since my father left and I have three siblings. I never had addiction problems in my time throughout college (although I did recreationally party on the weekends), but once I sat for the Law School Admission Test I struggled to gain a decent score. my physician prescribed me adderall and said I was hyperactive/adhd and it felt like I was suddenly awake and all these years I've been angry trying to do cardio to take the edge off and not understand why I had bad grades in college or engaged in some reckless behavior, but now I finally felt focused, euphoric, caring, passionate, and alive.
Once I left my job to become a full time law student, I was hammered with work and I was struggling to get through the material. I stayed home and commuted to law school my first year and used adderall as a crutch throughout the entire year to get through. I then finally came off adderall in May last year and had serious withdrawals, circles under my eyes, and couldnt function for weeks before starting my summer job. I then tried wellbutrin and it helped the cravings but made me very snappy and angry after awhile so once I stopped that I filled my adderall prescription in the middle of the summer to help deal with the work at summer job. I stopped taking adderall over this past winter break and I fought through withdrawals with wellbutrin but it made me snappy again and I couldn't seem to kick this mental robotic fog. Now I find myself at the end of my second year with huge opportunities for this summer and I am trying to kick this drug. It does not effect me the same yet I need it to feel normal and get through the school work. Law school was the cause of this, but I take full responsibility for my actions and I am trying to get better.
My doctor just recently prescribed me Lexapro to take with adderall because my anxiety and depression was getting so bad. I question if I may be bipolar, but I've seen a psych. and it was ruled it out based on the fact I was able to take Wellbutrin and not be hospitalized (not sure what that meant). I just cant seem to kick it during the semester but I now have dark circles under my eyes and I don't know what else to do. I would rather conquer this battle now during school than wait until summer or blow potential opportunities or life experiences. I appreciate all the advice and support. Thank you!