Hope4future

When I first started taking Adderall I thought it was the perfect supplement to my eating disorder (would not have admitted having an eating disorder at the time) and the effect it had on my appetite and weight gave me a high that was often more addictive than the highs I got from it more immediately/directly/neurochemically. Intense combination of addictions to the same drug. It seems the weigh "management" aspects of taking Adderall have only made my unhealthy, drug-abusing lifestyle more deeply engrained and hard to escape from than ever. Sometimes it seems too hard to quit the drug that satisfies TWO addictions, especially when quitting would require me to completely rebuild my self-esteem when I start to have an increased appetite and gain weight? It seems impossible

I joined the site and posted something almost exactly one year ago but did not receive much of a response and it was easy to talk myself out of trying to quit after that. I feel so overwhelmed and alone (how cliche). I have so much to learn about life and how to take care of myself, cope with stress and be an adult. I missed many crucial years when everyone else was growing up and establishing habits and finding themselves. I feel so behind. I feel like my adderall abuse over the past 5 years has prevented me from getting to know myself. I don't know who I am, I don't know how to establish healthy relationships or be completely honest or talk myself through stress or anxiety. Just looking for support and a sense of belonging anywhere I can find it. Thanks for posting this, it gave me an opportunity to jump back in and give this another try.