MBM

Great topic. First and foremost, I learned...this time around...that I am indeed an addict. Substances, food, alcohol, sex...whatever takes me out of me...I want more of it to my detriment. I discovered Adderall after being 15 years sober and thought I could take it safely after getting an ADD diagnosis. WRONG. The speedy effect made me crave alcohol and when I finally caved into the craving for that the vicious cycle of addiction really began and kicked in. Speed in the morning and throughout the day to behave like superwoman, a bottle of wine and pot to come down in the evening and then a Xanax to knock me out so I could get up and start all over again the next day. Four years I spun on that merry go round until I crashed and burned...BAD. So, now clean and sober for a year and a half. Finally have stopped craving Addy for the most part. I've learned so much about myself as a human and addict. I've learned that the human spirit is capable of anything that stems from your truest and most authentic self. I've learned that the authentic me I ran from for years is actually worthy of my self love and commitment to health and wellness

@yay_donuts...I'd say just trust your instincts. Recovering from Adderall is a long process. The physical dependence disappears sooner than the emotional/psychological one. Work on yourself. Find out who you are, what you love. If you are having trouble connecting with others, I'd say that is a direct correlation to how well you are connected to yourself. It's not a marathon. That connection will come when you aren't looking for it. Bravo to you for your courage and candor.

Keep going and, when you look back...because you will, see the truth of Adderall and not the illusion. It's a harmful drug that plays with brain chemistry, affects the cardiovascular system and creates a false persona along with horrific physiological dependence. I've been off Adderall now for 14 months. Has it been easy getting sober? HELL NO. Has it been worth it? YES! What I miss about Adderall: NEVER FEELING TIRED; THE FALSE PERSONA OF CONFIDENCE AND BANTER; GETTING AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF SHIT DONE. What I don't miss about Adderall: BEING A SLAVE TO A PILL; BEING UNABLE TO RELAX OR BE PRESENT; DRINKING ALCOHOL TO CALM DOWN (I quit that too); CRASHING AND BEING MEAN TO MY KIDS; THE SHAKES...RAPID HEARTBEAT, NOT EATING, A SEX DRIVE THAT MADE ME OBSESSIVE; BUT MOST OF ALL...THE SHAME. I DON'T MISS THE SHAME. I've gained 25 pounds. So fucking what! My head is CLEAR. I sleep 7-8 hours per night. I am REAL again. Recovery is a process and most likely many of us Adderallics also must recover from other addictions and self worth issues. I'm writing poetry again. I'm doing well in a phenomenal sales job. I sometimes "think" I need Adderall to "keep up" but I KNOW that's bullshit! I pray for each and everyone of us to stay on the path of self truth and HEALTH!