Hi Katie,
After barely making it through high school, I ended up seeing a Psychiatrist the summer before starting at a crappy local college, and he diagnosed me with ADHD & prescribed me with Adderall. Adderall made me an academic superstar, and allowed me to be one of the few junior transfers to Yale.
So, unlike yourself, where you actually got through a portion of your education successfully without Adderall--I have not and am afraid the level of intellectual strength I need for what I'm doing is not possible without stimulants.
My mother wants me to quit school and work a retail job as she is afraid of my health degenerating (she's a bit histrionic at times); however, there is no way I could go from Yale and Stanford Law to minimum wage retail...I just cannot do it.
I see what you guys are saying, and in my heart I know it's true, but I just don't want to accept it. Maybe I can practice an easy type of law without Adderall.
That anecdote is very accurate IMO. Often times I'll be on Adderall days leading up to an exam and the day after the exam when I'm off of Adderall--I can't recall anything...literally.
Thank you for your reply--I can totally relate. When I was studying for the LSAT, being on Adderall made it so incredibly fun to study, my brain was on-fire, and ended up getting a 177 out of 180. When I tried to study off of Adderall, I just couldn't comprehend the complex logical reasoning need to succeed an my score would take a huge it like 162ish.
But, you said your life has become better...how so? I've become a recluse, studying alone, alienating everyone I know, I spend a good 3-4 hours high on Adderall...and the rest of the day crashing and being paranoid about my heart-beat. I just want to be normal and get a girlfriend, have friends, work-out, etc.
I guess I'm just really afraid of losing everything I've worked for....