finding freedom

I really like what Justin said about the ebb and flow and rolling with it rather than power through it. This is so so true. Allow yourself to take it as it comes and try notice if there are any patterns that help you get through the day. It feels weird to feel so ancy and active and get some things done and then the next day feel like your legs and mind are a ton of bricks (at least this is my experience). Remember the bigger picture of what you are doing and ultimately accomplishing and feel good about that, while allowing yourself to feel any way you feel on the daily basis. Do the people around you know about this and support you?

Just frustrated and need to be heard. I know it is very possilbe to quit. Just a matter of figuring out how to function in life in a productive manner should I do so. My life is so very different when I am not medicated. Cannot (yet) figure out how I am going to work, etc. if I am not on it. For now, I'd even be happy if I would just stick to the normal prescribed dosage. My tolerance is so beyond that though. Life would be so incredibly different, had I not done this to myself. I know what I am doing is wrong when I take more than I should. Just depressed thinking about my life and the choices I have made leading up to this moment. Sorry to come on with such a melancholy outlook on this. It is comforting, however, to know that there are people who TRULY understand.

Well, I had been doing well at just taking my prescribed dosage (which is miraculous for me), and then I got a new job. A very overwhelming one. And now I am out of medication 2 weeks early. Of course I knew this would happen as I was choosing to do it anyway. However, just getting through the day and trying to stay on top of things is the excuse I gave myself each time I took an extra one. Now I have almost 2 weeks ahead of me where I honestly don't know how I'll function. This is a big problem. I want to runaway and just get away from everything. Before I do something illegal. I really should just get out of here and find a small town somewhere and work in a bakery or something. Ha. Things are getting old. Real old.

Title summed it up. I'm screwed.

and also, even though you feel guilty, being honest about it is the only way to be! so, rock on sista.

Well those 2 posts you just wrote pretty much describes my current situation. When I've tried going off of them it is of course initially super hard but then it is AMAZING because you realize 'hey... i am actually ALIVE, holy moly!' And everything is amazing and beautiful and fascinating again and you are present to others and the needs of others and you can laugh for no reason, and you can even laugh when there IS reason. B/c on adderall, even if something is funny and you know it is funny, something happens and you can't seem to laugh. That is so creepy huh. Anyway, back to the good, colors are bright and music fills your soul again and you have appreciation for the grandiosity of the simple yet intricately wonderfully woven ways of life. And people feel your glow again and are happy that the old you is back and even animals and children are more naturally drawn to you. And you feel free and happy to be who you are. So all of that is so exciting and luring to me and I'm part way there because I have majorly cut back the adderall use and dosage, but I've yet to still stay completely off of it (YET). Because I haven't found a way to continue working and doing the daily organizational things without it. And it's not so much that I care that I can't do that anymore b/c I'm happy off of adderall - but apparently there is a thing called 'accuracy', 'responsibility', ability to stay the steady course of the daily grind' --- and that stuff is important to OTHER people, and when you fail at that, you mess things up for other people or the business or whatever. One justification that I use that leads me to adderall again is that I feel I do a 'disservice' to society when I am off of adderall because honestly.. I can be kind of crazy. But I am happy and kind and others appreciate the real me off it too. I haven't yet found a way to balance or function in life. I know I've been saying 'you' and 'I' interchangeably here and describing my experience so forgive me if what I'm saying isn't accurate to your experience, but I have a a feeling it just may be!

May I just say... congratulations. Seriously! That decision and desire to live life as yourself again is so wonderful. I'm really glad you found the site, and perhaps show your wife some of the articles, etc as well. As you know, they do a really great job describing what it is like and what to expect. You must be so excited to be on your way to living in the moment with your kids again. Imagine how great it's going to be to just spend time with them and be candid to whatever life offers you at the moment. Nothing is so wonderful as genuine time and experiences shared together as opposed to being completely absorbed in your mind about what you 'should' be doing or making some sort of plan/agenda for getting things done. Way to go

Emily, Way to go woman

Hi Ele, That is a hard situation. And with the school and especially starting a new job. Going by the date of your post I'm guessing you started the job now? Since it will be hard to cold turkey it while having a brand new job, maybe you can take none on the weekends and then every other day lessen the dose. That sucks about the dr. situation, it's frustrating how they can whip out the prescription so easily, but yet be very unwilling to actually listen and help you figure out a solution. No worries (jk, it's hard NOT to worry), but the good thing is that you are here and thinking about quitting it because honestly that seems to be the only real solution. And one I'm still working on.

Hi bearman, How are things going?

Cheers my friend, you said it man. It is trickier than tricky this whole addiction thing. I wish I had good advice for you, but just want to say that I understand.

Wow I am seriously so grateful that I found this website. You people TRULY understand EXACTLY what it's like. I hope you are all doing well.

All I can say is: GOOD FOR YOU. The fact that you desire to have a good life again and that means quitting adderall then you are on a fantastic road. I just sent you a message as well.

Just saw your reply. Okay I'm emailing you, thanks

That must be so frustrating and a little frightening! For me it is opposite. I am so much more in tune with music and rhythm when I've been off of adderall. Hopefully it will turn around for you. F.Wings