Frank B

Day 2 off super pill

20 posts in this topic

Day two of trying to quit been on heavy dose for years started when my son was diagnosed with ADHD then he was not able to take them from side effects. So I tried them just to see why, well holy crap I found a miracle pill. It made me more alert and work fast. I went to the same center and got my own prescription was very easy here u go sir 30mg 2x daily. Ok I have had my own buisness for I think two years already without going into details I do home repairs. Well now on my pill I could do my work, clean the home, take care of my child (single parent) , learn new skills built my own web site at nights, did home improvements remodeled entire home bought a foreclosed home remodeled it to flip, started a restoration hobby blah blah. I posted this all in another form on here noticed it has not a lot of views daily and now can't find it to share on this form. In short I've been a working robot machine who is emotionless and losing customers from my lack of being human yes I'm good at what I do very good but lost my ways of communications with out any sort of emotion. I have to quit I'll try and find my other post being lazy not on my super pill but hope to stay off. But have a question if your were not ADHD to start but take this for years do you actually become ADHD and while removing the drug does your long term focuses come back?

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Hi Frank, and welcome to the forum.  The answers to your questions are yes and yes.  Before Adderall, I was not ADD or ADHD at all, but I convinced myself I was to justify my addiction.  But as my addiction progressed (9 years total) I became more and more ADD-like.  I can empathize with people who really do have this condition.  I was so scatterbrained that it was a relief to finally quit.  It takes a long time to recover.  I have been off the shit for 2+ years and my focus is still returning to me. 

Have you cut off your supply and gotten rid of the pills yet? 

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Also I thought my appetite would return I can't even hardly eat I'm just feeling depressed on one hand I look at everything I've accomplished on this drug and wonder can I still do it on the other emotions that have been void of life are hitting me like a ton of bricks . I recall the happiness of working on this pill but the last couple of months no amount could retain that feeling and everything is just dull to me I used to look forward to eating out but over the years working on projects is all the matters. I guess before the pill I had a strong drive but now I question if I did or what it was lately nothing matters I know its time to stop my family needs me emotionally and not just for paying bills or creating some grand restoration project man this is hard .

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Hi Frank, and welcome to the forum.  The answers to your questions are yes and yes.  Before Adderall, I was not ADD or ADHD at all, but I convinced myself I was to justify my addiction.  But as my addiction progressed (9 years total) I became more and more ADD-like.  I can empathize with people who really do have this condition.  I was so scatterbrained that it was a relief to finally quit.  It takes a long time to recover.  I have been off the shit for 2+ years and my focus is still returning to me. 

Have you cut off your supply and gotten rid of the pills yet?

I put it in my safe if I throw them in the toilet I would freak out. My dad quit smoking after 50 years had a cartoon of smokes hidden away that he never smoked same thing if he got rid of them he would panic and buy some then probably smoke them.

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Understood.  I had to keep mine locked up and inaccessible for a while until I got rid of them.  Have you cancelled your script?  You can tell the doctor whatever you like as long it results in no more Adderall prescriptions.

 

What if you fail in this attempt of quitting?  Are there any consequences?  

(hint - like not allowing yourself to keep a stash of pills ever again?)

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I think now failure is not a option I think my big issue is I've never been a big planner but I could always focus on what's important paying bills, family etc. But lately I'm so focused on staying busy on a project I can't focus on the little things that need to be done. I should just say it since this is all anonymous but my hobby turned into obsession is restoring vintage pinball and arcade games 1950-1974 I have 14 full restoration in two years. I'm talking tedious work both inside and out I joked that I'm addicted to them in reality I'm addicted to the drug which makes me forget everything else and get them up and working 100% . Most people as a hobby I'd say do 1-3 a year. Problem is I don't enjoy them once done or even take the time to try and sell them rather start on another one. In return my business has lost focused which is not restoration but when you can stay up push off work that you'd rather not do and have no boss to tell you otherwise a hobby can get out of hand especially with a drug that makes time unimportant ,sleep and eating those are just things I do because I have to once in awhile to function . I defiantly have no urge to relax and have fun in my mind why would I want to do that ? ... work is fun and rest is for the dead but I fear if I don't quit dead is what I'll be much younger age than I should.

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Welcome, Frank. This is the only board I personally found to be helpful and supportive without being judgmental, so you will probably benefit most from just letting it all out. I use this forum as recovery and therapy of sorts. A place to be honest and learn from the pros per se. Depression will be a real bitch, I'm not going to candy coat that. There aren't any short cuts{trust me, I OBSESSIVELY looked to find one}. Your brain will heal over time and get you out of the funk. Im still very, very new to recovery but I wouldn't have stopped abusing if I didn't come here and come regularly. So I hope you take advantage of a place where  you can be yourself, bitch away, learn your triggers etc etc. 

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You might wanna group up in "The 30 day challenge. " its nice to know you're not going through it alone. Either way, congratz on your newfound sobriety!

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You might wanna group up in "The 30 day challenge. " its nice to know you're not going through it alone. Either way, concratz on your newfound sobriety!

I will look it up if I'm challenged with others my help me overcome some obstacles I see how much this drug has made me numb to both the good and the bad. I guess like being on any drug only difference this one makes you very functional but after many years I've seen great loss from it. My family & friends all know I'm busy so never ask me to do much with them they don't know I'm hooked on a powerful upper while doing it just my fiancé knows that, what's ironic is she was on it for awhile too and are relationship got so bad from us both on edge I told her to leave or quit adderall so she did quit but I kept having her get scripts for me to have extra if I ran out before I could refill o the irony pretty f',*ed up!

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Did want to say tonight felt better a I went to a social event for my kids school and was not itching to leave could actually hold a conversation without being preoccupied with something I need to hurry up and get done!

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Day. 3 going better still kind of lazy not getting a lot done but then again the last month on adderall I was not getting anything of real meaning done because I could only focus on one project to get a big ( good job!) once fished like it matters nobody is paying me realistically for them. Appetite coming back some self pitty is starting to grow less of a issue compared to yesterday. I recall now when I started using this junk only did it when I had a huge physical job to do and was getting paid for it then slowly I could not even get the will power to jump out of bed without taking a pill first. Now it's odd I feel like my energy is better in the morning and only been. 3 days hopefully I continue seeing progress, also smoking less maybe 3 cigarettes a day vs a half pack or more,( I do use a vapor cig also that helps me a lot)

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Take it easy, this is going to take a lot of time.  Good job on cutting back on smoking too.

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FrankB,

Congratulations on your decision to quit! Like others have said, it is a long process. One thing that is SO important when quitting adderall is patience. We didn't develop this addiction over night, and we certainly won't heal over night. You've given up the adderall, now YOU are in control of you, not a drug, and there's some peace in that. Keep posting!!!

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Day 4 Friday so far this has been the only day that I've been really tempted to pop a pill. I got a shop full of stuff to sort for eBay (went through a house being sold electronics hoarder used to live their) I also have a pin game that I'm just dying to start in on for restoration but worked today now I'm tired and this is where that magic pill comes in so damn handy. But I'm not going to and feel like a lazy ass bum not getting these things done but maybe just need extra rest since I've pushed myself so hard for so long but my view even before adderall was I can sleep once I'm dead the pill just really amplified that notion to the extreme. I know its odd but I feel like the machines I do bring back to life is a calling like it is a meant to be the people who built these games 50 years ago are looking over my shoulder helping me along back then people did it all by hand with pride something lost with today's world I hope it's all worth it and hope I can pace myself to enjoy family, work, and hobbies without this drug. It's not a option to go back since it's affected my earnings overall negatively and want to be back on track. I recall now (never stopped before to see) I started adderall in 2007 so I had already been successful in business without it for 3 years which makes me feel good knowing it was not the pill that got me going on my own and did fine without it.

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Even one pill can set the awful downward spiral in motion. You're on the good path and can do this. Do whatever you can to distract and stay away from it. I learned fast that one time will become many and there are plenty others that learned the same thing.

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Day 5 kinda upset with my lack motivation not giving up but not happy with laying my ass around most of the day watching tv like a bum.

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Went and watch last man standing tonight done being a whining little lazy bitch without my pills, movie reminded me what all of us posses and what I used to have without a pill -will power! I urge anyone feeling sorry for themselves quitting to go watch it.

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You got through another day without them. Whatever it takes for you to stay clean, keep doing it. Sitting around without any motivation is given when you stop this stuff. Your brain is healing and learning to function without the aid of a legally prescribed stimulant. Adderall had the opposite effect on me and made me EXTREMELY physically lazy but mentally all I was doing was challenging myself. What actual physical work I needed to get done was completely neglected. Im lucky my ass didn't become glued to my chair from sitting on it so long reading for endless hours and "feeling" more intelligent. If I stick it through and don't look for the easy fix I think it will work out. I've seen all my negative patterns and things to be address-almost like a check list. Some days are better than others and some just are horrific, but at least I don't have to base my life and thoughts around my so called miracle pill.

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Day 5 kinda upset with my lack motivation not giving up but not happy with laying my ass around most of the day watching tv like a bum.

Don't beat yourself up over sitting around watching tv, it goes with the territory.  Slowly work in some small hand projects that you can do while watching TV; this will start to train your mind how to function normally again.

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