caseymcn7

Down the toilet

16 posts in this topic

Here's my story..

 

In high school I was pretty much a B student with the occasional A. I didn't really care too much about school, and when I graduated high school I went to a community college for a few semesters. I still didn't really care and kinda stopped going. I took a break from college and I was working and partying a lot. Then I met Dylan (my now husband). As soon as I met him, we were inseparable. He joined the air force and at his graduation he proposed to me! We got married and were stationed in Florida. When we moved here I really got the motivation to go back to school. I was ready to put in the effort I needed to to bring up my gpa. (My gpa was really low from failing a bunch of classes at the community college back home). My goal was to get into the nursing program where I live. The program is very competitive and rigorous. It took 2 semesters and a summer class to get all the prerequisites done. I put my head down and got straight As in all my prereqs, besides one B. Now I don't remember which class I was taking when a classmate had a prescription for adderall and told me how wonderful it was. I was intrigued because she said it made studying fun so I tried it and it was awesome! I used it a couple times for a couple tests in which I aced. But the majority of my prerequisite classes I made As without address. Well, when I was accepted into the nursing program (A year ago), I decided to try and get a prescription for address myself to help with studying. So I did. It was so easy to get! I loved studying for hours and hours! I felt amazing on it. At first I was only using it for school and not for work. Then I decided to try it and work and it was awesome as well! Well Ive been taking it for studying/working for about a year now and I do not feel the same as when I first started taking it. I have to take more and more to get the same effect and I crash hard sometimes. I don't really feel like myself anymore. I feel like I have to force myself to laugh in front of others when Im on it. I have like zero sex drive anymore :( I just feel like a zombie now. I want to be healthy and work out and eat right, but I feel like I cannot workout when Im on it because my heart is already pumping like crazy. I just don't feel right anymore. I decided that when summer started I was going to quit the adderall because I won't need to be studying. I was set and I told Dylan about my plan.

 

Well It has been summer for about a month now, and Im still taking it. Everyday at work I take it and even sometimes on my days off to clean house/do chores. Basically I am almost still taking it every day. I have been keeping it a secret from Dylan. Well today we were kinda fighting about why I never want to have sex anymore, and I was feeling guilty about keeping this secret from him and I broke down and told him that I still take the adderall all the time :( I told him I really wanted to quit so bad :( Well he flushed my pills all down the toilet. He left like 4 pills so I can wean myself off of them. He was mad but very comforting and supportive at the same time. I feel so much relief that the majority of the pills are down the toilet, I almost want to flush the last 4 now too. I am so scared of going to work without adderall! I am known for busting my butt at work everyday and I am known has having a lot of energy and getting work done. I am terrified of being lazy/unproductive at work. I am terrified of gaining a bunch of weight. I am scared of a lot of things, but I am also kind of excited...

 

Sorry for this long post. It feels good to type out all of this ! thanks for reading

 

 

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welcome to the board.  Take advantage of all the resources here to get you through your quit. 

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Welcome! You came to the right place, and your husband reminds me of mine. Tough love from my husband was extremely helpful in my recovery. Did you cut yourself off from your doctor/supplier as well? If not, will you be able to resist a refill when you are lazy and unmotivated at work, and Dylan is not around to object?

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Welcome! Tough love from my husband was extremely helpful in my recovery. Did you cut yourself off from your doctor/supplier as well? If not, will you be able to resist a refill when you are lazy and unmotivated at work, and Dylan is not around?

 

Thank you! This just happened today so I have not contacted my doctor to tell him yet. Im not due for a new RX yet so I couldn't get it now anyways. But I guess I should tell my doctor so I am not tempted to fill my Rx when the time comes

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But I guess I should tell my doctor so I am not tempted to fill my Rx when the time comes

 

Within a few days, your resolve to stop permanently may be significantly diminished.  I highly recommend acting quickly on that.

 

In any event, congratulations on your decision and welcome to the first day of your journey of meeting the real you!

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It's your choice of course.  I won't tell you what to do.

However, it seems you have an opportunity to stop the train now before it spins wildly out of control.  I can't tell you what I would give to be able to go back and change my behavior during that stage.

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Oh, to have stopped after one year of use...  Congratulations! and welcome to the forum.  I also suggest cutting off your supply, and any opportunity to go back.  Tell your coworkers.  Then, it gives you some external accountability and an excuse for the sluggishness and weight loss.   After 9 months clean, my coworkers were expecting me to have a baby!  lol, just kidding, but it does feel better to have an excuse. 

 

Hang in there! 

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First day at work without adderall .. Oh my god . I'm hungry , tired , bitchy .. Lol everything seems like such a huge chore ! Sorry for venting . 12 hour shifts at the hospital are rough without adderall :/

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Congrats! I'm right where you are, except I took adderall for 15 years. Trust me, your dosages would get higher and higher and you would become less and less of the person you were when you started taking it. I'm in the beginning of my quitting process, too. Im also a nurse, and can relate to long shifts. I've found some GREAT natural alternatives that have helped me so much in this process. I've gone cold turkey before with nothing else to help and it's a nightmare. It'll be a long road to feeling like ourselves again, but it's worth it.

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