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Nicole88

TWO YEARS :)

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Hey QA friends!

I can't believe I've finally made it to the elusive 2 year mark. I can see why a lot of people's activity on the forums seems to taper off at this point. I would say life is back to normal, or at least a new normal where my thoughts of adderall are few and far in between. I can't even begin to describe how starkly different years 1 and 2 were from each other. 

Year 1: depressed, suicidal, isolated, hopeless, seemingly endless weight gain 

Year 2: Feel natural motivation and happiness, have true and honest relationships, working towards and achieving goals- got a promotion, bought a house, studied for and crushed GMAT, applied to grad school and am starting MBA next month. Basically, i finally have all the things adderall promised but never delivered.

A huge thank you to everyone on this site who has been with me on this crazy journey. I absolutely could not have done it without the support of this community and am forever grateful. 

Hope everyone is well and adderall free!! :) 

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Congrats on your second year glad you doing well! 

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Well done Nicole! I am a few months ahead of you and I feel the same about year one and two. Year three is going well so far but I am still on here quite a bit, I think it may just be habit and to remind myself of how shitty recovery was so I can enjoy being off Adderall even more. I also like to help others that are just starting out. Anyway, keep checking in and enjoy life!

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11 hours ago, Nicole88 said:

Basically, i finally have all the things adderall promised but never delivered.

^ this, this, this!!  (:

so happy for you, congrats on 2 years!

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Great to hear Nicole!  I am at about 1yr 1mo...

I can barely imagine some of your accomplishments! That is so great! 

At 1yr mind is still pretty muddy, I can find the focus to get thru each day but to imagine buying a new house or new job feels so out of reach now I cannot even invision it.

I also still have a myriad of physical symptoms however have been doing somewhat better. I am getting a lot more done at home and work and not just sitting around waiting to feel better. I am not sure if it is true “recovery” or just me finally being frustrated of being over focused on every symptom and just allowing myself to power thru it. Sometimes I will be having a good day and if a weird symptom pops up and if I allow my anxiety and mind to wander it drops my to a low again... Mind over matter it seems at this stage.. hoping most of the symptoms are near gone at 2yr!

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On 7/11/2018 at 10:46 PM, Frank B said:

Congrats on your second year glad you doing well! 

Thanks Frank! Hope you are doing well! I don't see you around much these days but I'm guessing it is for that very reason. 

 

On 7/11/2018 at 10:57 PM, Danquit said:

Well done Nicole! I am a few months ahead of you and I feel the same about year one and two. Year three is going well so far but I am still on here quite a bit, I think it may just be habit and to remind myself of how shitty recovery was so I can enjoy being off Adderall even more. I also like to help others that are just starting out. Anyway, keep checking in and enjoy life!

I am big on reminding myself of the hell that is adderall recovery too. I definitely lurk in the shadows around here but should post more. Hope your year 3 gets even better and keep us updated :) 

 

On 7/12/2018 at 7:57 AM, sleepystupid said:

^ this, this, this!!  (:

so happy for you, congrats on 2 years!

Thank you so much!! Hope you are well :) 

 

21 hours ago, EricP said:

Great to hear Nicole!  I am at about 1yr 1mo...

I can barely imagine some of your accomplishments! That is so great! 

At 1yr mind is still pretty muddy, I can find the focus to get thru each day but to imagine buying a new house or new job feels so out of reach now I cannot even invision it.

I also still have a myriad of physical symptoms however have been doing somewhat better. I am getting a lot more done at home and work and not just sitting around waiting to feel better. I am not sure if it is true “recovery” or just me finally being frustrated of being over focused on every symptom and just allowing myself to power thru it. Sometimes I will be having a good day and if a weird symptom pops up and if I allow my anxiety and mind to wander it drops my to a low again... Mind over matter it seems at this stage.. hoping most of the symptoms are near gone at 2yr!

I was still super shaky at 1 year and very uncertain of the future. Everything you're going through is still completely normal, and you will be amazed at at the difference a year can make. Most of the things I mentioned were happening at 18 months and beyond so stick with it! Making it as far as you have is a huge accomplishment so don't downplay that. Keep us posted on your progress! 

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On 7/11/2018 at 9:50 PM, Nicole88 said:

Year 1: depressed, suicidal, isolated, hopeless, seemingly endless weight gain 

How did you deal with the first year? 

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On 7/15/2018 at 9:03 AM, Nicole88 said:

Thanks Frank! Hope you are doing well! I don't see you around much these days but I'm guessing it is for that very reason. 

 

I am big on reminding myself of the hell that is adderall recovery too. I definitely lurk in the shadows around here but should post more. Hope your year 3 gets even better and keep us updated :) 

 

Thank you so much!! Hope you are well :) 

 

I was still super shaky at 1 year and very uncertain of the future. Everything you're going through is still completely normal, and you will be amazed at at the difference a year can make. Most of the things I mentioned were happening at 18 months and beyond so stick with it! Making it as far as you have is a huge accomplishment so don't downplay that. Keep us posted on your progress! 

Thank you so much Nicole! Needed that! 

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4 hours ago, LiberatedMind said:

How did you deal with the first year? 

For me was very rough... It’s still is not easy however you have to just power thru it one day at a time and the less your mind wanders the better...

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15 hours ago, LiberatedMind said:

How did you deal with the first year? 

As cliche as it sounds, by just taking it one day at a time. Every time things would get difficult, I would ask myself 'Can i get through today, just today?' And the answer was always yes, so that is what I would do. Projecting too far out into the future would send me into a downward spiral. My life was an absolute disaster when I first quit, and I truly did not see how I was going to pull myself out of the situation. If you just continue moving in the right direction, you are going to eventually get where you want to go, but staying in the moment is so important for your sanity. Also accepting that things might get worse before they get better- committing to staying quit no matter what happens. You have to think long term when it comes to the recovery process because it really is a multi year affair, unfortunately. But, we are so lucky to have a community of people who have already gone through the process and can assure us that what we are experiencing is normal and that things DO get better. Stay close to the boards and check in often, you can do this too :) 

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On 7/11/2018 at 9:50 PM, Nicole88 said:

I can see why a lot of people's activity on the forums seems to taper off at this point. I would say life is back to normal

I'm at two years and a couple months and I agree with this 110%.  But this post and also @Frank B 's recent post about it being quiet on here lately reminded me that we have a responsibility to share our experience, strength, and hope with others.  My life is so full and happy now that I rarely log on here anymore but I remember that first year when I was on here daily and wondering if I'd ever not be depressed, lazy, and unmotivated. And it was in those dark times that reading the hopeful posts from others gave me the strength to keep pushing one day at a time.

I just got back from an epic 3 week vacation in Europe with my wife.  I know I would have never been able to save for a trip like that if I was still using adderall and hadn't found this website, NA Meetings and the strength to give up that shit for good.

I'll try to be more active on here

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