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About Renascido

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  1. New day, same results.

    Someone who doesn't know what it's like to go through this shit should never attempt to understand the lack of motivation one feels after having abused the drug. This isn't some exclusive community that you need to earn your stripes in to be part of, but again please don't try to rant about unrealistic expectations of what life is to someone going through this; there are still limitations. We know what life was like before adderall. When people complain about their motivation on here, very rarely are people suggesting they expect their motivation levels to return to adderall-like levels. They're suggesting they wish their motivation was more than non-existent, which is unfortunately the level that most of us feel after quitting. Been awhile, Frank. Nice to see some familiar names on here, as well as lots of new ones.
  2. Oversleep??

    You definitely should allow yourself to sleep as much as your body needs. While it's true that you can oversleep and actually make yourself feel more tired, that doesn't exactly apply to someone who is going through withdrawals from a heavy stimulant. Your biochemistry is completely out of wack. So yeah, you definitely have an excuse to be lazy. I was utterly worthless for like a solid month. Lol
  3. How long did it take for your anhedonia to go away?

    @EricP Yup! Isn't that the truth? Doctors swear there are no side effects from Adderall. I have an old friend who only recently started using, and I tried my best to explain to her of all of the possible repercussions of using the drug by sharing some of my stories and some of the stories from this website. She listened, and she said she'd talk to her psychiatrist about it. Of course the psych assured her that it's completely safe. Anyways, as for the 5-HTP, I've come to a similar conclusion from my research. It's safe short term, but I'd refrain from using it for any long-term period of time. Also, since we are all recovering from adderall, our dopamine is the primary culprit to blame for how we are feeling. While 5-HTP can make us feel good by increasing our serotonin activity, it is also sort of inhibiting our dopamine activity the next day. The enzyme required to convert the precursors (5-HTP, L-Tyrosine, etc.) to their respective neurotransmitters is supposedly shared between the two, so by using 5-HTP we are essentially limiting the amount of dopamine that can be produced. Again, this is just what I've gathered through my research. Your mileage may vary.
  4. 2 years quit but less than a month sober

    Hey guys, Well I completely quit caffeine for about 7 months, but after I noticed it really wasn't making a difference I decided to give it a shot again. I started drinking coffee again probably about a month ago, and for whatever reason this time around it seems to actually help. Unsurprisingly though, if I drink too much on a given day it will only worsen symptoms of my anxiety. If I drink caffeine at the right amounts it really does help mask any of the symptoms I'm still experiencing. As for alcohol, I started drinking that again too, but at a much more moderate level. Sometimes I'll go a whole month without drinking any. It just doesn't seem to make me feel the same as it used to, so I just tend not to drink it as often anymore. As far as lingering symptoms go, I'd say I still suffer from anxiety / anhedonia the most, though my relationship with both has definitely changed. Some days anhedonia will be worse than others, and on some of the good days, I can swear I feel "normal" again, whatever that means. My relationship with anhedonia has changed in the sense that when I am experiencing those bad days, I don't make the situation worse by dwelling on it or thinking about days where I felt better. I simply try to make the best of the current situation I am in for that particular day. Coping mechanisms really have helped me throughout this journey. My anxiety is very similar to the anhedonia. Some days it's so bad I just don't want to converse with really anyone I'm not comfortable with. On those days, I accept that it's worse than other days, and I don't try to do things that are beyond my comfort on those days. I don't want to scare any of you that are at the beginning of your journey. I don't want you to think that things will never improve; things will get better, it's just going to get better progressively. You won't wake up one day feeling "completely healed." Your healing will occur slowly, sometimes painfully slow. There will be times where things even seem worse than the month before, but rest assured that if you could plot your progress, the trend-line would definitely be trending upwards. "Life is what is, not what was." This quote has resonated strongly with me, because early on in my recovery journey I was constantly dwelling on the days that things seemed perfect. Regardless of whether things were once better or not, thinking like that only serves to hinder your general well being in the present moment. Try focusing on things that you can change in the present moment. @anonmymousdino I never actually "abused" the drug. I was using the drug for about 3 years. I almost never took as much as what my doctor proposed I take. It wasn't until the end of my 3 years of taking it that I was actually taking it "as prescribed," which lasted only about 3 months.
  5. When I was taking L-tyrosine, I was taking about 1g in the morning and sometimes 1g in the afternoon. At first, it made me much more focused, driven, and less depressed, but it also reminded me a bit too much of adderall. I kept taking it for a few weeks, but I began to notice that after awhile it was making me grumpy and even less social, so I decided to stop taking it. On some days I also noticed my anxiety was much higher from taking it.
  6. Hey everyone, It's been quite some time since I've posted. Unfortunately, things really haven't changed much since my last update, which was probably over a year ago. In just about a month, I'll have quit adderall exactly two years ago. I'm still experiencing anhedonia, brain fog, and anxiety (lots of it, social anxiety in particular, which got worse after quitting). I've been perplexed as to how I can possibly still feel this way, until a few weeks ago; I realized that I really hadn't given my brain any real break from some form of dopamine alteration. I have been relying on caffeine or alcohol for the past two years. Every day I was consuming caffeine, and just about every weekend I was drinking COPIOUS amounts of alcohol with my friends (we're young, but we definitely drink more than we should). I theorize that maybe my dopamine receptors really haven't had time to establish homeostasis, given how often I have been using chemicals to rebalance my dopamine levels. Anyways, I decided to go completely sober three weeks ago. No coffee, no beer, not even tea. I really do hope that this ameliorates some of my symptoms. On a side note, I have been doing a lot better as a person. Although I still struggle mentally, I have learned to take action. I landed my first "career job" just three months ago at a local college, I exercise daily, I meditate, I have a girlfriend, I have a new motorcycle, and I've developed a more normal life. I guess you can add going completely sober to that list as well. Anyways, I figured I'd give you guys an update as to where I'm at. Stay clean my adderall-free family
  7. Quick 17month update

    Hang in there, man. I'm one month shy of two years, and I'm still very much recovering. When you say you have brain damage, are you referring to the chemical damage incurred by adderall usage, or are you referring to something else? Just curious!
  8. Ticker gone ?

    Unrelated, but since we're on the topic of changes: I can't seem to get the site to work on my phone like I used to. I can still access it, but it's constrained to a limited mobile version. I used to be able to access desktop mode from my phone. Anyone else have this issue?
  9. Hello and welcome to the site, so to answer your question, as with all matters related to the brain, there is no simple answer. When someone is mourning the death of a loved one, when is it safe to say that their grief has morphed into depression? 2 weeks? 2 months? (For diagnostic purposes, DSM-5 has arbitrarily set it to 10 months, I believe). The point being, you would be hard-pressed to find a "definitive" answer to your question, especially considering that many health-care practitioners don't even acknowledge a severe withdrawal from adderall. With that said, regardless of whether your condition is derived from withdrawal or a separate, distinct condition, you can attempt to treat yourself in the same way: through adequate rest, abstaining from drugs/alcohol, and giving yourself plenty of time. Many users on here didn't find peace after quitting adderall for a few months, a couple of years, or sometimes even longer. Whether you'd like to turn to medication to help you on your recovery journey or not is completely up to you, but in my opinion, medication this early in the recovery process may only complicate matters. I'd suggest reading a previous post, where I elaborated more on what is occurring in your brain during recovery and how I feel about medicating. Good luck on your journey, brotha. It's worth it.
  10. The Unrealistic Race to Normalcy

    You're the man, duffman. Actually, you are the DUFF man. I always look forward to reading your posts. Very well said, man.
  11. Appetite/Energy Question

    There is a correlation between eating right and feeling right, but there is definitely not a causation. With that said, at this point of your recovery, eating right - and by eating right I mean eating healthy - will only yield you so many results. Normalcy is going to be an evolving term for you, because it really will change throughout your recovery journey. You can't expect any miracles of feeling as you did before you started adderall, unless you were on it for a very short amount of time. So, in my opinion, you should allow yourself to relax like a slug, but you shouldn't consume food over-voraciously unless you want to deal with other problems that so many people share after quitting adderall: weight gain/confidence issues. I'd be a lazy slug while eating salmon, chicken breast, greens, salads, etc. lol. Be patient with yourself and congrats on taking the plunge.
  12. Work = My new unfavorite thing

    Man, it's pretty variant for all of us, to be honest. To say that I have really reached that level of marked improvement would be a long shot. I'm at nearly 13 months clean. I don't want to discourage you, though. That's not to say that I haven't noticed some improvements, but it really does depend. There are stages to this recovery thing, and with each one comes different struggles. I'd say that the early level unmotivatedness (I know that's not a word) peaks at around 2-4 weeks. At around 2 months you might be noticing some improvements in your ability to not act like a zombie, but it'll be a long while until you're completely comfortable with getting through the work day without some form of complaints. Just remember it's the little things to be proud of. Baby steps. Be proud of each day you notice something that you didn't notice the day before, because if you don't document them it's really easy for improvements to go unnoticed; it really is a slow and painstaking process, but you're almost out of what most consider the worst of it. Keep it up.
  13. Monthly Check-in / one year update

    Duffman, Boy, can I relate to some of the problems you are facing. Back when I was using, the only real reason I kept on using it for 3-4 years was because of fear. I was fearful of being mediocre. I didn't think I was capable of doing anything without the pill. The thing is, I was completely set on going to medical school, which would mean that I intended on using adderall as a crutch for another 5-7 years. Then I thought to myself, if I didn't think I was capable of completing medical school without the crutch of adderall, was it really worth it? I mean even if I did graduate from medical school, would I truly ever finish taking it? It's not as if once you're done with the program life becomes easy. Doctors work long hours, so that would mean that if I wasn't confident in my natural abilities, I would be doomed to a life of adderall. That has led me to where I am now. After quitting, I realized medical school wasn't for me. It all came down to whether I wanted to live to work, or work to live. I decided that the latter of the two resonated better with me, and that I would need to seek out a career choice that was truly what I wanted. In all honesty, I never TRULY wanted to become a doctor - that was only the Renascido that was hypercritical and had a superiority complex. I'm now on my way to occupational therapy school, which I think is a far better fit for me. Anyways, this isn't an attempt at giving you advice, as I really don't have any idea what you're going through or what you're capable of. I just really hope you get it taken care of. I may not know you as a person, but from what I've seen from your posts on this forum, the sober duffman is a highly cerebral and analytical person. I believe you are capable of accomplishing whatever program you're going through without the dex. Please do yourself a favor and get rid of it. Even if you were ever removed from the program, the program could never take who you are as a person away from you - only the amphs can do that. Good luck, brotha.
  14. Monthly Check-in / one year update

    Hey my beloved friends. Frank, I hear you man. Honestly, August was pretty shitty for me. I had tons of anxiety about the future, and wondering if I could accomplish any of my future aspirations in my current state of uselessness. Anyways, yeah, not the greatest. I had to make a change in career path recently, which really took a lot out of me, but hopefully it's for the better. What you said about perhaps needing a new outlet really does hold some merit. After being clean for this long, you sort of learn what works and what doesn't. Not saying to quit your business, but if you think a new job might be a better fit, by all means, make it happen. But also I have no idea how hard that might be on you and your family at home. In any case, I hope things get better for you too. Moonster, isn't that always the case? :/ I almost always cancel out any good feelings I feel about progress because I remind myself that I thought I'd be doing much better in recovery by now. Ugghh, the struggle. In all honesty, the thing I miss most is being uninhibited. I'm almost always anxious, to the point where I just don't want to interact with anyone. Eghh, here's to hoping things keep improving. Also, today marks my one year anniversary. WHAAAAAT'S GOOOOOOOOD!
  15. Hey everyone, I think that we should have it become a routine where people drop in and comment on how their month has gone. It can be a way to vent; it can be a way to celebrate; it can be a way to relate. It really doesn't matter. I just think it's important to be proud of your progress, because we deal with enough hardships in our lives. You gotta take a step back once in awhile and just be appreciative for what you have overcome. Here's my update: I'm less than a week away from my one year anniversary. In all honesty, I imagined I'd be all better by now during my early recovery, but the truth is that I still struggle greatly. I still have anxiety; I still worry that maybe I'll never fully recover. But none of that matters. What matter's is that I am getting better month by month. It's a slow and painstaking process, but it's a necessary one. Instead of hoping to be "completely healed" up by year two, I'll learn form my mistakes and accept any progress as just that - progress. So let's hear it. How was everyone's August? On a side note, this post didn't take me 5 hours to write, like it would have taken if I was still using adderall. I'm so glad to never go back to that hyper-critical state.