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About mila490

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  1. One year came and went...too busy living to notice.

    Congratulations! That is so great and encouraging to hear. I remember seeing your first posts as I had joined around the same time as you. Keep having a great summer!
  2. wellbutrin to quit adderall?

    Revisiting an old thread based on a search in the forums for Wellbutrin... I'm 9+ months clean but going through a difficult time personally. I'm about to make a big career change and am feeling down and unmotivated. I want to be positive and look at all the positives of going back to grad school and working for a career I think will be much more fulfilling and meaningful for me. However, I'm struggling to get through day to day until that time. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm still in the tunnel. I 100% do not want to go back on adderall. I made an appointment with my psych. to discuss antidepressants. I'm terrified of gaining weight (I gained enough coming off of adderall!). I've read such great things about Wellbutrin on here, but I'm also scared to start another drug after my adderall experience. Is it habit forming? Will I have to take it every day? Will I be able to function on days I don't take it (looking at you, adderall hangovers)? Is there a withdrawal period if I stop taking it? Looking for your firsthand experiences vs what I read on WebMd. Thanks!
  3. Tempted to start up again

    The problem is that hope isn't a solid plan. That's how I felt after multiple attempts to quit where I'd end up back on it "hoping" I could manage to only take it once in a while as needed. Every time I ended up back where I was having to take it 7 days a week just to get out of bed. In the first few months (or longer depending on your history) after quitting, you're going to feel incredibly lazy and unproductive and out of balance. But by going back on adderall, you're swinging yourself back in the other direction and prolonging your potential recovery from using the drug. I'm 288 days clean and count every single day because I don't want to start over at day 1 again because it was so tough. I still have days where I want to go back on it. You have to remember the reasons you wanted to quit in the first place. Why did you find this website or post here in the first place? Remind yourself of that. Going on and off Adderall is a roller coaster you CAN get off of.
  4. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    You've got this!
  5. Out of Nowhere, Like a Freight Train

    All the above feedback is so helpful and I can't really add to it. I needed to read it myself! I just wanted to post to say that I'm right there with you. I've been so tempted to go back on it lately. Mainly because I'm freaking out about weight gain and feeling pretty depressed. I've found it really helpful to "take it one day at a time" and to force myself to take a moment to think back on all the negative side effects. Hang in there.
  6. Isolation on Adderall

    I can 100% relate. I was so engrossed in color coding my spreadsheets that I barely socialized with my coworkers. I found that this has spilled over to my work life now 7+ months clean. I'd rather stare at my computer screen and ignore any attempts at being social. I pat myself on the back for mini improvements that still feel so unnatural. The stiff corporate environment doesn't help, but I'm changing careers in a few months soon so that should help.
  7. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    Thanks for the immediate support! I really appreciate it. I've only been to this doctor once and I was on adderall back then, so I knew this would be triggering. I almost cut her off as she read off adderall as one of my medications and I told her how I quit and how it was really hard to get off of it. I almost caught myself saying the words "I don't know, maybe I should just go back on it?" but I held my tongue. They gave me a B12 shot which has already has an immediate positive effect so we'll see. I'd consider Wellbutrin too. They want me to come back for more blood work and mentioned thyroid, etc. Although as Cassie said, this is just par for the course at this point. I'll also mention that when I told her about my fatigue she did think it could still be an after effect of the adderall, even 6 months later. Many doctors are nonchalant about this drug, so I thought it was a good sign that she recognized that. Day 217...
  8. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    216 days today, wasn't sure where to post but just need to. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow (won't be able to get adderall because it's not a psychiatrist and those are the rules here). I've been incredibly fatigued lately to the point where I can barely go to work because I can't get out of bed despite 8+ hours of sleep. I haven't had motivation to workout and have just been depressed overall. I hope they find something else (minor and easily fixable!) wrong with me like mono or anemia or something. Because I am way too tempted to go back. The pull this drug has is crazy. Anyways just needed to post because I was imagining how it'd feel to avoid these forums if I go back on it.
  9. Articles on Adderall...

    I found this recent NY Times article on Vyvanse to be pretty troubling: Shire, Maker of Binge-Eating Drug Vyvanse, First Marketed the Disease by Katie Thomas "The marketing strategy for Vyvanse, like that of Adderall, sheds light on how pharmaceutical companies seek to influence the diagnosis and treatment of a medical condition — in an effort to make billions of dollars in sales — even in the face of concerns about potential dangers of a drug."
  10. Weight changes

    I have to be really careful about looking through my old photos. Without fail, I end up craving it every time I look at pictures of myself at the height of my adderall use two years ago. I have to remind myself that it wasn't the adderall that made me lose weight - it was the fewer calories and the increased exercise that I did during that time. Quitting has totally messed with my motivation to workout. I can't let myself sugarcoat it though - I initially lost weight on it, but then all the benefits gradually diminished and I gained it all back even while still on adderall. I'm trying to be patient with myself and be proud of another day off adderall, even if it's yet another day I didn't go to the gym. At some point I need to push myself a little and just get back into it, but I'm still struggling to get to that point.
  11. End of the line

    I was also diagnosed with ADHD and believe that the way I function does match a lot of what I've read about ADHD. But you'll find that much of the discussion on these forums isn't about whether or not you have ADHD or a legit diagnosis. Many of us also took adderall responsibly and never abused it. That isn't the core issue either. The main issue for many of us is how unsustainable it is to take amphetamines. An important part in this journey for me was accepting that yes, I may have ADHD...and yes, Adderall may be "safe" and "helpful" to people who have ADHD....but it has an overall negative impact on my life. Period, end of story. I think you have to reach that point in order to fully recover, or else you'll always justify taking Adderall again when you're having a difficult time "because you have a real diagnosis and need a medicine to help you." Using the diagnosis as justification will just keep propelling you through this vicious cycle. You said it yourself - "This is no way to go through life." Welcome to the forums. You can do it!
  12. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    I am 6 months clean today. I tried to quit before, but my quit in August is the one that stuck. I'm not really sure why I woke up at that point to the fact that the cons heavily outweighed the pros, but I'm so glad I did. I gained a lot of confidence by being honest and refusing to lie to myself any longer. Here's to the next 6 months...
  13. Close Call

    The first few days/weeks/months are so hard because you are so DOWN compared to how high you were on Adderall. As others have written on here before, you can't run full speed like that forever; your body has to recover and balance itself again, so now you're experiencing the opposite of being high on Adderall. Remind yourself - and trust those of us who have gone through it - that this is temporary. If you keep relapsing, you're going to have to keep dealing with that horrible crash. Keep plugging away. Some days you just have to do everything you can to not go back to the drug (even if that means constantly snacking, drinking tons of caffeine, and Netflix binging). As time goes on, you'll feel better and accomplish other goals throughout your day. But for the time being, your main accomplishment each day will be the fact that you didn't take that pill. I've found it really helpful to keep a list of all the cons of Adderall. I also found it helpful to check off each day clean and keep a count (167 days!). I've worked too hard to give up and have to start over from day 1 again. Hang in there!
  14. Newbies missing in action

    Agree with roobiki - I definitely posted here and relapsed before this quit (my final quit!) 5 months ago. I would think about the post I made and feel so ashamed that I couldn't kick it. I also remember reading so many of the posts and stories well before ever signing up for an account. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there without accounts who benefit from this website too. I clung to this site when I first quit and used it especially to get through those first 30, then 60 days. Now I remind myself to visit here whenever I'm tempted to go back.
  15. Happy again...without Adderall? yes.

    Hey AlwaysAwesome, I can completely relate because my weakest moments seem to be related to the scale too. I find myself looking down at a number on the scale or at my reflection in the mirror (no longer a size 0 like while using) and desperately thinking Adderall is the answer. Having the motivation to go the gym or not pick up that cookie/donut/etc. is definitely harder than popping a pill, but at least I feel a sense of accomplishment when I lose any weight because I worked for it. You're right, adderall is not the way!