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About Shea27

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  1. thank you everyone for such a quick response! and yes, I thought it was my kidneys, which was why I went to the doctor, but kidney function was (surprisingly) normal . doctor seemed to shrug off his "Sort-of/maybe" diagnosis of venous stasis..which if that's the case, the high blood pressure induced by so many binges must have literally "blownout" the one way valves that transport venous blood return from the body to the heart; that fluid then leaks into the tissues in the feet and ankles which causes the anyways.. again if anyone else has ever experienced this, i would like to know.. b/c its a little bit scary to think what damage could have been done. Thanks guys!!!!!!
  2. thanks guys...I stopped using for 3 months, and it made no difference and didn't heal at all, but i guess there's still hope
  3. I have been taking adderall on and off (binges) for 2 years now. In January, I noticed my ankes had become very swollen. The skin on my ankles feels thicker & looks slightly darker in color. I know for a fact that adderall caused it, b/c nothing like this has ever happened until i starting abusing this drug. It has been about 9 months now and the swelling has stayed exactly the same. I'm embarrassed to wear shorts and flipflops. My once pretty legs (if i may say so) look so different and my ankles are now as think as my calves. I need to know if anyone else has experienced something like this? and did it ever go away? I went to the doctor and they ran lab work, which all came back normal. They said that it looked like venous stasis, for which there is nothing they can do. I'm so devastated that this drug now seems to have taken a permanent toll on my body. Any stories or input would be appreciated. Thanks, -S.
  4. My Own Private Hell- Adderall Binge

    I cant even spell "write" correctly right now. That's just sad.
  5. My Own Private Hell- Adderall Binge

    Hi guys, just wanted to send an update. I am embarrassed to say that I relapsed and got my prescription filled again since my first post and went through the same vicious cycle of a paranoid, miserable binge. I have been reading stories all day and hope I can summon all my strength to not go back to that doctor's office ever again. As I right this, I have completely blurred vision in both eyes and a pounding headache. These are two new symptoms to add to the list.
  6. I'm a 26 yr. old female, college student, veteran, and wife, and I seem like I have my sh** together from the outside, but I don't. On the inside I am starting to lose my mind, b/c I am either on adderall or I'm compulsively obsessing over my next refill. I know I cannot hide it much longer b/c I know I am either going to end up in the ER or dead. So today, I somehow mustered the determination needed to flush the remaining pills of my latest precious refill, down the toilet, 10 pills. 10 pills ! That is all that was left of a 60 pill script that i got just 5 days ago. Over this 5 day binge, my 130pound body has ingested b/w 180mg-220mg per period. It's unbelievable, I can see my body reacting to the massive amounts of poison being ingested, and yet, I reach for more and more and cannot stop until the bottle is empty or until my body crashes for a few hours of sleep. During this binge, as in all the rest I've had since smoothly talking my way into an getting a script from an urgent care doc 6 months ago, I have entered my own private hell. How I have not died yet is a miracle, but this what I experienced: (Days 1-4 of binge) side effects that I can normally ignore because I am still focused and euphoric: lack of sleep, chest tightness, constant chills, random numbness in my arms and hands, skin turning pale and dry with goosebumps being raised all the time, swollen ankles, upper abdominal & lower back pain and swelling (which I'm sure is my kidneys and liver starting to shut down), extreme anxiety, eye twitching, back muscles become tight and painful, clenched jaws, fingers locking up and cracking while I obsessively sit at my laptop for 12, 18, 20 hours at a time ,& paranoid thoughts. (Day 5 of binge)Eventually I looked up from my computer and noticed I had been editing the same (already completed by the way) resume for the past 7 hours, without even looking up. My husband had went to sleep and already woke up for the day all while I sat there obsessively working away. After taking another pill, bringing my 24 hr total up to220mg, I started experiencing the symptoms that scared me enough to flush all the pills. I couldn't sit still, couldn't stop coughing, I experienced several panic attacks (which I have learned to handle but are still horrifying none the less), my ears were constantly ringing, my stomach, area over kidneys, and upper abdomen became hugely swollen and way more painful, my skin was pink and red all over, I had the most disgusting taste in my mouth, random twitches all over, and could not formulate complete thoughts. I struggled to even string together a basic sentence. I left the house because I thought If i just got away from the computer I could relax, so I walked across the street toTarget to buy some shoes. I thought I was going to pass out as I walked through the store, and kept having paranoid thoughts that everyone was staring at me and could see how messed up I was. I obsessively poured over the same rack of shoes until I heard an employee say, "That girl has been standing there for 45 minutes." That could have been a hallucination, but I guess I will never know, seemed real to me. When I got back home, I spent another 6 hours reading adderall horror stories and googling symptoms, convincing myself that I was about to either have a heart attack, since my pulse had become so weak and heart beat was so uneven, or that I was going to go into a coma due to kidney failure or liver failure when I eventually went to sleep. So after going to sleep and miraculously waking up today, I'm exhausted, sore, depressed, and my brain feels like mush, but I know I cannot go on living like this. Isolating myself in my room for days on end to compulsively stare at my laptop is not how I want to live. I know the next binge could kill me, because I take higher doses in smaller amounts of time on every binge. I know that it will not be easy but I am gonna give it everything I have to not get a refill when the time comes. I don't want to know the brain damage I have sustained over the past 6 months, but I know that it exists because I feel "blank" alot of the time, and cannot process thoughts like I used to in class or absorb and remember large amounts of information. Any comments or encouragement would be appreciated because I know I'm going to need it.