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I seriously hope you are ok. You deserve to be ok ❤️ it’s not worth what you are going through! As I tell more and more people about my journey they are so supportive. You just have to ask for help. Sending you good vibes, prayers and love your way!

@LILTEX41I'm so happy for you. You made it back into the zone! I'm so sorry to hear about your fur baby's brain tumor. They really do leave us too soon. I wish we could give them some of our years. I'm glad you added new kittens to your family. They are so helpful with healing the broken heart.

Hi dyingalive, Please call you prescriber and tell them what's happening. It's scary to do so because they'll take the pills away but this is what you know needs to happen. You said it yourself. "Something is going to happen" if you don't stop. And you will die. Going through almost 4g in 4 days is taking an incredible toll on your body and health. We're here to support you but we can only do so much as we are strangers on the internet. Please, please, please seek help in person. I don't know much about the symptoms you describe but you may very well need medical attention already. Have you eaten? Haven you taken fluids? What you're describing sounds scary. Take care of yourself, we want you to get well!

As usual I am almost out of 90 pills in 4 days of 20 mg this is by far the worst I've ever but felt I can't collect my thoughts I haven't slept I'm so choking on thick slam my teeth are drying her they were once so beautiful my skin is dried out and my toes are turning a darker color my eyelashes are falling out and I can barely even talk why do I do this to myself It's hard to make eye contact with people cuz I know they would know I sat on the floor today in a psychosis like state not moving because I haven't slept since 2 days ago and I've been working in the hospital as a nurse for the last 4 days this has to go before something bad happens as I'm sitting on the floor not sure what I'm doing completely disassociated I just start to pee myself , I looked down and urine is just leaking because I never put clothes on after getting out of the bath that I laid until it was cold for 2 hours I'm 34 years old I'm pretty I'm smart I know this but I also know something that's going to happen if I don't stop

Congrats on 21 months! That is insanely impressive. Thank you for the well wishes <3 Today was a lot better for me. Finding a home group will definitely help me a bunch as well; I live in an area far from my rehab so I have struggled to find one around me I like. I went to one, but it was all male and I’m looking for women focused or at least where there’s some other women. At 21 months, do you feel yourself returned to who you were before adderall? Do you feel yourself returned to happiness you thought you couldn’t have without adderall? I get worried sometimes that I will never be as happy as I was as when I used adderall but I know that’s the addiction talking

Hi QA Friends, I am so excited to report that today, I have been clean for 21 months! I am so grateful that I've made it this far beyond my wildest dreams. I was so far gone 21 months ago it makes me cringe. I have had so many life changes in the past 6 months. I sold my condo, started a new job at my dad's company, moved into my fiancé's house for 4.5 months, and we just recently moved into this glorious new home. My future stepchildren will live with us part-time. I had to put my kitty down a month ago, and it was devasting. She had a brain tumor. I was so sad I went out and got two new ragdoll kittens, the cutest things on earth. Anyhow, with so much going on, I realized I need to get back to meetings, or I am in a dangerous place, as when life gets good, I tend to relapse. I just want to tell anyone struggling with this addiction to please not give up. Life is so much easier without the volatile ups and downs of the binge/recover cycle of Adderall abuse. Do whatever it takes to find your way out! Godspeed my friends! Liltex

@Hmmmm Congrats on your 4 months and going to rehab!! That's such a huge step and life-changing. I reiterate what Doge said about trying an NA meeting. Going and listening is perfectly great! It's amazing what a support group can do. I know from experience that not having one leads me to my way back out to my addictions. My life has been crazy, but today I am so PROUD to say I have 21 months clean again!!! Stick with it and please keep fighting. It will get easier, I promise!

Messaged ya

Thanks to you also. We all need eachother!

Thank you so much for everything you said. I actually thought about sharing my story, but I needed to get out a quick request for help and you really came through. you’re so right, sure maybe I’d get some stuff done for a few hours, but then, when it started to fade, I’d just stare at a to do list and crash/ take more to avoid crashing. And I’d be left picking up the pieces. thank you for sharing. Definitely will be reaching out, thank you for the warm welcome <3

PS - welcome! It may be therapeutic to tell your story (as much as you feel comfortable sharing). We want to know you and be here for you!

Congrats on 4 months clean by the way. That's the hardest part by far. I know what you mean about the intense cravings. I'm at about the 6 month mark after my (most recent) relapse and I've been feeling them too. I admit I've even been looking for new health clinics, plotting to get another assessment so I can get a new prescription. It's like you work so hard to talk yourself out of it, then spend a few minutes feeling positive and proud of yourself, only to have your thoughts turn towards it again. It really wears you down. I don't want to relapse again though. It's NOT worth it. I can speak from experience though, this is normal for this part of your timeline. Just take it one day at a time and do the BARE MINIMUM to get by in the meantime. That's awesome you haven't been drinking as alcohol is something I can blame almost every relapse on, at least partially. And yeah, it would be nice to have superpowers but that just not what the drug does for me anymore. I'd take it, do a couple hours of work, and then do exactly what you said -- slam an entire bottle in one night and be cracked out for a day and a half, left to pick up the pieces. Have you ever been to a narcotics anonymous meeting? I went to my first one a few days ago. I plan to go back once my schedule permits, at least once or twice per week. I didn't share, just listened, which everyone was fine with. And even listening to others really helps get your head back in the right space. They have online ones over discord now too so you TRULY are anoymous. Fire me a DM if you'd like the link. Posting on here is great too. Stay strong, friend, we love you!

Hi all, four months clean off of Adderall/Vyvanse after abusing it for the past 8 years. Not everyday, but when I did, I would go on extreme binges taking 30 mg of vyvanse every few hours for 24 hours straight, etc. or take 1/3 my adderall script in a night. I would doctor shop so my dose would change but I was always prescribed around 30 mg vyvanse and 20 mg XR adderall. i went to rehab and did the whole thing. I haven’t drank. I’m four months in, and now that I’m starting to untangle the mess of my life (facing financial matters I ignored for months, health appointments) …. I feel intense cravings. Likely due to the increased stress from financial struggles, returning to work earlier than expected due to expenses, and starting to isolate in my room again which is where I used to have binges. i am so tired and just wondering when it gets better and trying to tell myself I don’t want to restart my progress. But man if I could take adderall/vyv and respond to the 15+ people I have been neglecting, go through my mail, and set up all my doctor appts & be done… that would be great… or at least that’s what I keep thinking and I know that’s the addiction talking. It’s saying I could do that and then once I’m in a good place I could start recovery again. Idk. It’s tough not being responsive to friends virtually or in person (I have a friend who moved in my building as soon as I started recovery, bad timing). please any words of advice or wisdom or even just relating to me. TLDR: I don’t feel great at 4 months sobriety and social/financial demands are making me want to relapse

Thank you so much

This is so awesome to hear. Congratulations in advance! Take yourself out for dinner or treat yourself to something. 2 years is an amazing milestone to reach!. I loved reading your last paragraph!

Tomorrow it will be two years since I’ve taken adderall!!! Woohoo. Wow crazy. Just posting in case anyone is looking for encouragement. I was on adderal for about 10 years daily use about 40 mg a day.. it got so bad I would take it sometimes before I would get out of bed and wait until it kicked it. I was highly dependent on it and would be panicking if I had to go to work without it. Life seemed to revolve around when I would get refills and when I would take the medicine. It got to a point where I would use something as simple as doing the dishes for an excuse to take it. My mental health was terrible.. bad social anxiety.. no exercise, cholesterol and blood pressure were rising. I’m pretty sure adderal had a part in giving me thyroid disease but it could have been the massive stress I was under. Two main things pushed me to quit finally.. one was the adderal shortage started and it was harder to get refills and two I realized that my sleepless nights that occurred very often were very bad for me. There were many nights I would get two hours of sleep.. averaged like 5 hours a night and would take Benadryl every night just to sleep. im happy to report things are going awesome!! I’m killing it at my job.. im doing way better than I ever did on adderal, making more money. My cholesterol and blood pressure are normal and i sleep great. I also work out now 3 times a week which I never made time for before when all I wanted to do was clean and do work. It wasn’t easy it was one of the hardest things I ever did but it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Hey I know this is an old post but I really hope this reaches you. Did you have your d3 and calcium levels checked during your blood test? You mentioned that your thyroid were fine but what about your parathyroid glands? I'm pretty sure it requires more specific testing and at this point I'm PRAYING that this is my issue because my life is actually falling apart as I have no will to do anything

You’re in a better place than I was by even being here and reading others stories. Life is so much greater on the other side, I promise.

Tiptoes words might as well be my words. A 16 year long relationship, 14 married ended primarily because of adderall addiction. My story is a little different, but very much the same. My wife was an alcoholic leading into the adderall addiction. 3 years into the marriage she ended up in the emergency room with stroke like symptoms, she was 34 years old. It turned out she was a closet drinker, hiding alcohol in random places throughout the house and drinking nightly. After the ER visit she came clean and quit drinking, as did I. She made it 4 years that I know of and then relapsed. It took me a few months to catch on that she had relapsed, she was really good at hiding it. When I confronted her of course it was my fault and I was a horrible husband for not paying enough attention to her and not noticing for months. This was the beginning of the end. As she tried to quit alcohol again she was desperate to replace it with something, asking me if I thought it was ok is she smoked some weed at night to get to sleep. I agreed, but in my head was afraid of where that would go, eventually turning into a $400.00 per month habit. Then along came the ADHD theory and a trip to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. This is where adderall came into the picture. Of course she didn’t share with the psychiatrist that she had been struggling with alcohol addiction the better part of her adult life. Over the course of the next 4 years I watched the slow decline of my once loving, compassionate, hard working, amazing mom, family oriented wife and mom. I can go on and on about how strong the marriage was. As she continued adderall use, she would make comments like, I don’t take it every day because I don’t think I need to, to comments like I can’t get through the day without it. I eventually connect the dots and figure out she was skipping days so she could load up on other days. Over the course of the next two years she was able to manipulate our primary care provider into more meds, from a sleeping pills, to anti anxiety meds, to antidepressants and everything in between. The last year she was on 6 different mood altering medications all doing different things, I don’t know how the doctors didn’t catch it. She turned into a monster and eventually burned down her life as it once was. Anyone in he’s inner circle was attacked and cast away, friends, family, clients, anyone who interacted with her on a regular basis was gone, anger rage and hatred was all that was left of her. Daily attacks on me, saying horrible things to me daily. She was like an irrational toddler, a Tasmanian devil, spending money like it was as available as water. She thought she was going to be a rock star and spent thousands trying to achieve that goal. at the peak, between meds and weed it was $1000.00 per month. Plus we have two kids 14 and 10 now that watched it all unfold. Several therapists later, one trying to convince her to check into a chemical dependency center, I had no choice but to file for divorce, I still to this day haven’t drank alcohol, the ER trip was 9 years ago. My last ditch effort was making an appointment's with the primary care provider to inform her what my wife has been doing to her life and that she had been manipulated into writing prescriptions for an addict that is self medicating on the long list of medications she prescribed. Theses just so much more I could share, I could write all day and still not cover it all. As of January 1st 2025 she will be out of the house for a year. The divorce was final on May 24 2024 with me paying her $700k because I kept the house and business, the business she nearly bankrupted. But my life is now calm, no one telling me they hate me, that I’m useless, that I’m a bad dad, that I’m a horrible son to my mom, that I’m a horribly business owner, that sex with me is horrible and always has been, again a monster.

@Lizzie Congratulations!!! So proud and happy for you!!

@doge thanks so much! 20 lbs is not worth my soul. I will stick with diet and exercise this time.

So happy for you! Going back to it is common. I was clean for 6 years then went back to it in February. Glad to hear your outlook is so positive. Congratulations on having your child. Sure puts that 20lbs in perspective!

It's hard to say based on what you have said. But bravo to your son, who definitely dodged a bullet. ADHD stimulants seem wonderful at first, but then they start taking more and more away from you. As for your ex-wife, only she knows what's happening. I don't know what to suggest other than be ready to offer support for her and your kids as much as possible. Best wishes!

Hi QA fam!! I was on here a few years back, but sadly, after 3 years of hard recovery, I decided that I wanted to dance with the devil once more. I went back on 10 mg for 2.5 years and sure enough, my life began unraveling. My relationship with my husband became distant. I wasn’t sleeping well. My friends began to distance themselves from me. My days were filled with chaos. I was angry and anxious all the time. I lost the 20 lbs that inspired me to return to the meds but after a few years I had gained it all back and then some. I knew it wasn’t the answer but I was caught in the trap and wasn’t sure if I would ever have the strength to return to my unmedicated authentic self. Then a miracle happened. I got pregnant. Something I didn’t think my body was capable of. I went off the following day and haven’t been back. Next week I will be celebrating my sons 1 year birthday. My first recovery was my “woe is me” recovery. I blamed everything on my lack of medicine. I focused on what I “couldn’t” do. This go around it has been different. It has been empowering. My relationships are blooming. My husband and I are stronger than ever. I wake up happy. I am a great mother. For the first time ever, I am proud of myself. I was put on amphetamines as a teen. Now at 38 I have finally met myself as an adult. This is the best version of myself, I’m never letting go of it.

I can't believe other people are going through what my family are going through. My wife and I separated 5 years ago amicably. We've always got along like a house on fire and have co-parented so well. We were still best mates. All that changed when my 15yr old son was diagnosed with ADHD. He was prescribed medication to treat it and after a couple of months, he decided he didn't want to take the meds anymore. Since then, academically he has improved so much! Going to every class, getting all the work done, getting acceptable grades. In his interviews with the doctor, my ex-wife said, "I think I have ADHD". At the time, I thought, "yes, I think you have it too". 6 months later has been challenging. She has her own business and is getting up at 5am and working until 2am. It seems like she is getting heaps of work done? However, my two boys (now 16 & 17) are telling me a different story. Whilst she has always been a caring mother, her recent behaviour seems like she is emotionally detached? She can be very supportive and then cold and callous in the next moment. My kids told me the other day that every warning light has come up on her dashboard of her 3yr old new car telling her to get it serviced. I even had to drop around with a litre of oil as her car told her not to drive 1km without adding oil. How can someone ignore or forget this? The reason I looked for this forum was to find out if this is common behaviour with late 40's - early 50's yr old women who are taking ADHD medication? I don't think it's menopause as her inhibitions have dropped, she's putting her social life ahead of our kids, and seems to be oblivious on the impact it has on them. Also, before you jump on me, I'm perfectly ok with her having a great social life and meeting someone that makes her happy. Something seems a little off though? I'm professionally employed, financially stable and are actively involved in my two young son's lives. Just want to make things better or more manageable for all of us? Any suggestions would be appreciated.