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PS - welcome! It may be therapeutic to tell your story (as much as you feel comfortable sharing). We want to know you and be here for you!

Congrats on 4 months clean by the way. That's the hardest part by far. I know what you mean about the intense cravings. I'm at about the 6 month mark after my (most recent) relapse and I've been feeling them too. I admit I've even been looking for new health clinics, plotting to get another assessment so I can get a new prescription. It's like you work so hard to talk yourself out of it, then spend a few minutes feeling positive and proud of yourself, only to have your thoughts turn towards it again. It really wears you down. I don't want to relapse again though. It's NOT worth it. I can speak from experience though, this is normal for this part of your timeline. Just take it one day at a time and do the BARE MINIMUM to get by in the meantime. That's awesome you haven't been drinking as alcohol is something I can blame almost every relapse on, at least partially. And yeah, it would be nice to have superpowers but that just not what the drug does for me anymore. I'd take it, do a couple hours of work, and then do exactly what you said -- slam an entire bottle in one night and be cracked out for a day and a half, left to pick up the pieces. Have you ever been to a narcotics anonymous meeting? I went to my first one a few days ago. I plan to go back once my schedule permits, at least once or twice per week. I didn't share, just listened, which everyone was fine with. And even listening to others really helps get your head back in the right space. They have online ones over discord now too so you TRULY are anoymous. Fire me a DM if you'd like the link. Posting on here is great too. Stay strong, friend, we love you!

Hi all, four months clean off of Adderall/Vyvanse after abusing it for the past 8 years. Not everyday, but when I did, I would go on extreme binges taking 30 mg of vyvanse every few hours for 24 hours straight, etc. or take 1/3 my adderall script in a night. I would doctor shop so my dose would change but I was always prescribed around 30 mg vyvanse and 20 mg XR adderall. i went to rehab and did the whole thing. I haven’t drank. I’m four months in, and now that I’m starting to untangle the mess of my life (facing financial matters I ignored for months, health appointments) …. I feel intense cravings. Likely due to the increased stress from financial struggles, returning to work earlier than expected due to expenses, and starting to isolate in my room again which is where I used to have binges. i am so tired and just wondering when it gets better and trying to tell myself I don’t want to restart my progress. But man if I could take adderall/vyv and respond to the 15+ people I have been neglecting, go through my mail, and set up all my doctor appts & be done… that would be great… or at least that’s what I keep thinking and I know that’s the addiction talking. It’s saying I could do that and then once I’m in a good place I could start recovery again. Idk. It’s tough not being responsive to friends virtually or in person (I have a friend who moved in my building as soon as I started recovery, bad timing). please any words of advice or wisdom or even just relating to me. TLDR: I don’t feel great at 4 months sobriety and social/financial demands are making me want to relapse

Thank you so much

This is so awesome to hear. Congratulations in advance! Take yourself out for dinner or treat yourself to something. 2 years is an amazing milestone to reach!. I loved reading your last paragraph!

Tomorrow it will be two years since I’ve taken adderall!!! Woohoo. Wow crazy. Just posting in case anyone is looking for encouragement. I was on adderal for about 10 years daily use about 40 mg a day.. it got so bad I would take it sometimes before I would get out of bed and wait until it kicked it. I was highly dependent on it and would be panicking if I had to go to work without it. Life seemed to revolve around when I would get refills and when I would take the medicine. It got to a point where I would use something as simple as doing the dishes for an excuse to take it. My mental health was terrible.. bad social anxiety.. no exercise, cholesterol and blood pressure were rising. I’m pretty sure adderal had a part in giving me thyroid disease but it could have been the massive stress I was under. Two main things pushed me to quit finally.. one was the adderal shortage started and it was harder to get refills and two I realized that my sleepless nights that occurred very often were very bad for me. There were many nights I would get two hours of sleep.. averaged like 5 hours a night and would take Benadryl every night just to sleep. im happy to report things are going awesome!! I’m killing it at my job.. im doing way better than I ever did on adderal, making more money. My cholesterol and blood pressure are normal and i sleep great. I also work out now 3 times a week which I never made time for before when all I wanted to do was clean and do work. It wasn’t easy it was one of the hardest things I ever did but it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Hey I know this is an old post but I really hope this reaches you. Did you have your d3 and calcium levels checked during your blood test? You mentioned that your thyroid were fine but what about your parathyroid glands? I'm pretty sure it requires more specific testing and at this point I'm PRAYING that this is my issue because my life is actually falling apart as I have no will to do anything

You’re in a better place than I was by even being here and reading others stories. Life is so much greater on the other side, I promise.

Tiptoes words might as well be my words. A 16 year long relationship, 14 married ended primarily because of adderall addiction. My story is a little different, but very much the same. My wife was an alcoholic leading into the adderall addiction. 3 years into the marriage she ended up in the emergency room with stroke like symptoms, she was 34 years old. It turned out she was a closet drinker, hiding alcohol in random places throughout the house and drinking nightly. After the ER visit she came clean and quit drinking, as did I. She made it 4 years that I know of and then relapsed. It took me a few months to catch on that she had relapsed, she was really good at hiding it. When I confronted her of course it was my fault and I was a horrible husband for not paying enough attention to her and not noticing for months. This was the beginning of the end. As she tried to quit alcohol again she was desperate to replace it with something, asking me if I thought it was ok is she smoked some weed at night to get to sleep. I agreed, but in my head was afraid of where that would go, eventually turning into a $400.00 per month habit. Then along came the ADHD theory and a trip to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. This is where adderall came into the picture. Of course she didn’t share with the psychiatrist that she had been struggling with alcohol addiction the better part of her adult life. Over the course of the next 4 years I watched the slow decline of my once loving, compassionate, hard working, amazing mom, family oriented wife and mom. I can go on and on about how strong the marriage was. As she continued adderall use, she would make comments like, I don’t take it every day because I don’t think I need to, to comments like I can’t get through the day without it. I eventually connect the dots and figure out she was skipping days so she could load up on other days. Over the course of the next two years she was able to manipulate our primary care provider into more meds, from a sleeping pills, to anti anxiety meds, to antidepressants and everything in between. The last year she was on 6 different mood altering medications all doing different things, I don’t know how the doctors didn’t catch it. She turned into a monster and eventually burned down her life as it once was. Anyone in he’s inner circle was attacked and cast away, friends, family, clients, anyone who interacted with her on a regular basis was gone, anger rage and hatred was all that was left of her. Daily attacks on me, saying horrible things to me daily. She was like an irrational toddler, a Tasmanian devil, spending money like it was as available as water. She thought she was going to be a rock star and spent thousands trying to achieve that goal. at the peak, between meds and weed it was $1000.00 per month. Plus we have two kids 14 and 10 now that watched it all unfold. Several therapists later, one trying to convince her to check into a chemical dependency center, I had no choice but to file for divorce, I still to this day haven’t drank alcohol, the ER trip was 9 years ago. My last ditch effort was making an appointment's with the primary care provider to inform her what my wife has been doing to her life and that she had been manipulated into writing prescriptions for an addict that is self medicating on the long list of medications she prescribed. Theses just so much more I could share, I could write all day and still not cover it all. As of January 1st 2025 she will be out of the house for a year. The divorce was final on May 24 2024 with me paying her $700k because I kept the house and business, the business she nearly bankrupted. But my life is now calm, no one telling me they hate me, that I’m useless, that I’m a bad dad, that I’m a horrible son to my mom, that I’m a horribly business owner, that sex with me is horrible and always has been, again a monster.

@Lizzie Congratulations!!! So proud and happy for you!!

@doge thanks so much! 20 lbs is not worth my soul. I will stick with diet and exercise this time.

So happy for you! Going back to it is common. I was clean for 6 years then went back to it in February. Glad to hear your outlook is so positive. Congratulations on having your child. Sure puts that 20lbs in perspective!

It's hard to say based on what you have said. But bravo to your son, who definitely dodged a bullet. ADHD stimulants seem wonderful at first, but then they start taking more and more away from you. As for your ex-wife, only she knows what's happening. I don't know what to suggest other than be ready to offer support for her and your kids as much as possible. Best wishes!

Hi QA fam!! I was on here a few years back, but sadly, after 3 years of hard recovery, I decided that I wanted to dance with the devil once more. I went back on 10 mg for 2.5 years and sure enough, my life began unraveling. My relationship with my husband became distant. I wasn’t sleeping well. My friends began to distance themselves from me. My days were filled with chaos. I was angry and anxious all the time. I lost the 20 lbs that inspired me to return to the meds but after a few years I had gained it all back and then some. I knew it wasn’t the answer but I was caught in the trap and wasn’t sure if I would ever have the strength to return to my unmedicated authentic self. Then a miracle happened. I got pregnant. Something I didn’t think my body was capable of. I went off the following day and haven’t been back. Next week I will be celebrating my sons 1 year birthday. My first recovery was my “woe is me” recovery. I blamed everything on my lack of medicine. I focused on what I “couldn’t” do. This go around it has been different. It has been empowering. My relationships are blooming. My husband and I are stronger than ever. I wake up happy. I am a great mother. For the first time ever, I am proud of myself. I was put on amphetamines as a teen. Now at 38 I have finally met myself as an adult. This is the best version of myself, I’m never letting go of it.

I can't believe other people are going through what my family are going through. My wife and I separated 5 years ago amicably. We've always got along like a house on fire and have co-parented so well. We were still best mates. All that changed when my 15yr old son was diagnosed with ADHD. He was prescribed medication to treat it and after a couple of months, he decided he didn't want to take the meds anymore. Since then, academically he has improved so much! Going to every class, getting all the work done, getting acceptable grades. In his interviews with the doctor, my ex-wife said, "I think I have ADHD". At the time, I thought, "yes, I think you have it too". 6 months later has been challenging. She has her own business and is getting up at 5am and working until 2am. It seems like she is getting heaps of work done? However, my two boys (now 16 & 17) are telling me a different story. Whilst she has always been a caring mother, her recent behaviour seems like she is emotionally detached? She can be very supportive and then cold and callous in the next moment. My kids told me the other day that every warning light has come up on her dashboard of her 3yr old new car telling her to get it serviced. I even had to drop around with a litre of oil as her car told her not to drive 1km without adding oil. How can someone ignore or forget this? The reason I looked for this forum was to find out if this is common behaviour with late 40's - early 50's yr old women who are taking ADHD medication? I don't think it's menopause as her inhibitions have dropped, she's putting her social life ahead of our kids, and seems to be oblivious on the impact it has on them. Also, before you jump on me, I'm perfectly ok with her having a great social life and meeting someone that makes her happy. Something seems a little off though? I'm professionally employed, financially stable and are actively involved in my two young son's lives. Just want to make things better or more manageable for all of us? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Dear Hopefully, I am so happy to hear I've inspired someone out there! This makes my heart smile beyond words! <3 Please let me know how the Naltrexone goes!! It is incredibly cheap and sometimes even free with insurance!! It's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. I was so horribly hooked on alcohol, kratom, and concerta. I never thought I wouldn't struggle to want those things, but I never think about them. It's miraculous!! As far as marathoning, omg, yes, get it!! Are you running now and working towards the marathon goal? I am more than happy to share my favorite training plans and anything I can to help you. Crossing that finish line is one of the most epic feelings ever! You will love it!! And yes, I can't suggest running enough for post-adderall recovery. It's a life saver! Feel free to message me anytime and keep us posted on your training and kicking that last 10mg. You got this!! Love, LilTex

Ps- I look forward to reading your novel one day!!!

Dear Liltex41, You are beyond impressive and inspiring! I am so happy for you and truly love reading about your happiness. You clearly have an incredible work ethic as well. I have been following you for some time as I struggle to get off my last 10mgs. Thank you for the reminders and continued inspiration. Thank you for taking the time out of your full life to come back here and help those of us who are still trying to get clean. For some reason I always imagined that you were in your 20s or early 30s because of your energy. I am going to ask my doctor about Naltrexone as I too have always struggled with ADHD and addiction in some way or another since I was 14. I am continuing to try do the inner work which I hope will help me get where you are but plan to ramp it up once my kids are back in school in the fall. I dream of running a marathon adderall free and you have more than accomplished that! Wishing you continued success and happiness!! Will take allll of the other tips regarding nutrition, running gels, etc as I recently looked into those to see if they would help with post adderall recovery I’m so sensitive to caffeine and other supplements even on my off addy days and I am trying to find something to replace it that won’t ramp up my anxiety Thank you again!!!

Dear QA Friends, Eighteen months ago today, on 2-22-2022, I had the most epic downfall of my life. As I was being presented on stage at a sales kickoff event for work in Las Vegas, I was tweaking out of my mind and drifted into hallucinations of things that still, to this day, I cannot conceive possible. I hit the hardest rock bottom of my life and lost my job. It was the most tragic thing that happened to me as I loved my job more than any job I had ever known, and I worked around the clock for 18 months straight. I was a president's club winner, received a promotion, and worked on multiple projects for this company. My epic $838,000 sale was presented on stage at sales kickoff, but I had spiraled so far out of control with alcohol and concerta I lost everything. I was unemployed for 8 months. I could not find a job. It was god awful. I went from being the company's star to what felt like the world's biggest loser. Today, 18 months later, I am happy to say life is good again. I am engaged to a lovely man who has two small children and I will become a stepmom next spring. I sold my condo, and we are building a brand new amazing dream home, which we will move into this November. I have three jobs today. I am now working for my dad's company and have begun a new career in finance. I also work for a triathlon company with my fiance and get to serve athletes at racing events all over Ohio. Last but not least, we are eloping to Maui, HI, in May, running a half marathon on my birthday, and then getting married on the beach at sunset. It's all on my birthday (the day we got engaged) last year. I also work at a retail store for discounts and fun. I have restored my relationship with my family members and have a total new life. I also just completed Ironman Louisville 70.3 this past Sunday. It was epic. I mention all these things to give hope to anyone out there who is struggling to find their way out of addiction to Adderall and or any ADHD medication, amongst other drugs. I've had addiction issues since I was 13 years old, and I am now 45. It is never too late. It's amazing looking back at how much changed in just 18 months. It makes me wonder where I will be 18 months from today as long as I continue to stay clean and sober. The one different thing is this. time around I began taking Naltrexone which has been a God send. It eliminated my cravings for all drugs and alcohol. I do no want any of it, and I don't even attend meetings. The desire is not there, so I'm good. Not that meetings can't be helpful; having a support group is great. I just don't have time for one at this point in my life I have so many things going on. However, my fiance doesn't drink with me and supports me 100%, which is truly the most remarkable and incredible thing that has helped me. We do a lot of road races and keep ourselves busy with all kinds of fun activities. I don't even miss my old, wild, crazy days. I am happy with the simple things in life, like taking road trips, spending time with family and friends, etc. Please don't hesitate to post your story if you come here lurking around and need help. We want to help you. Secrets will keep you stuck. Please share your story and open up the doors of your soul to those of us who have found our way out of hell. The flip side is a much happier place. Peace, love, and joy to all. Love, Liltex41 P.S. I've had this dream for over 10 years that one day I will write a novel, and it will be called... Cheers to another chapter written, lol.

setbacks are gods setups for the bounce up. i love it

Hey @rosarita98168 to be honest sometimes it does feel that way, especially when you're picking yourself up off the ground from the lowest of lows. But ultimately, no, as long as you catch it fairly quickly, you don't go back to square one -- not even close. Speaking from experience, it's been 2 and a half months for me now, and aside from one fleeting thought that didn't last more than a minute or so, I haven't had a single craving. And I've barely thought about it, almost to the point of erasing the whole 3 month 'incident' from my memory. But to be fair that's not really a good thing. I should be reflecting on it more. But anyways the point is, this would have been unheard of for me back years ago when I first quit, where the first couple of months felt like the whole theme of every day was surviving the day without pills.

Thank you!! Most days I try to wake up 15 minutes before the kids to have my coffee and sit in peace. Sometimes it is get up and go though! Exercise, walks and short meditations throughout the day have been a saving grace! Every day and situation I go through adderall free I feel a little bit stronger. Hope that helps!

Absolutely not. You have accumulated all those days off the drug rewiring your brain to form a different habit. Please don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re back to square one!! Not true!

Is it true if you relapse even once, you're back to square one in recovering from amphetamine damage?

Way to go on 4 months!!! Your last line is my glimmer of hope! Thank you so much for sharing and posting a response! I really appreciate it. Did you do anything special in the mornings to wake up before your kids and get yourself ready to tackle the day? I am sooo grateful for my kids but they are 7,5,4 and 1.5. They are adhd high energy like me lol. When I wake up before them I’m ok. When I push snooze and wake up with them it’s pure chaos and I can’t get my brain right. Hence the quick so called “fix”