Depression, Regret ,& Fatigue

[Trevor95]

I'm coming off Adderall, and it's terrible. In hindsight, even being on it was terrible as I lost everything during my hyperfocus, forgetting the outside world.
I went from having the highest GPA, 4.0, to dropping all my classes for two semesters. I'm such a loser. I look around my college campus and see all these young people working towards their dreams, & being happy while doing it, while I'm just right where I was two years ago. Just stuck like in Limbo or something. I've lost all my passions, my physical health, my mental health. My life is just falling apart in every way. I cry every day just because of the deep regret I have. I used to do martial arts and socialize with friends 5 days EVERY week. I used to skateboard, snowboard, hike, jog, lift weights. Now I'll can do is stay in bed all day, just getting up to eat and go to the bathroom. I'm just a shell of a person now. I have nothing to live for and really just wanna die.

I'd give anything for a reset or to go back in time. I hate myself more than anyone I know can ever imagine.

[Krae19]

You cannot judge yourself right now while you are going through withdrawal, you are at your lowest point…you need to be easy on yourself while you give yourself time to recover.  When I quit, I had so much anxiety I could barely function at all, didn’t want to do anything, was so tired, irrational thoughts, was very unproductive for months… that’s how it’s going to be for about 2 months or so and you just have to be ok with it if you want to quit successfully.  I watched a lot of videos online about addiction recovery which helped a lot.  What helped me is telling myself that I was going to quit no matter what cost.. quitting adderal was the number 1 most important thing.  As long as I focused on that I was able to get through.  I never really took more than my prescribed dose.. but I would say I was very dependent on adderal so much so that I didn’t think I could do dishes without it.. sad I know.  I was on it for about 10 years and it’s been almost five months now and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  I’m free, I’m present and I can actually work and do chores all by myself. You can do it!! You just have to commit to it, get rid of all the pills and you will be ok. It just takes some time.  Good luck!

[Krae19]

I like the sober dogs videos on you tube.  

[eric]

@Trevor95 I feel for you, its crazy how we see everyone around us living their lives and moving forward while we feel stuck in limbo.  I dwell on the past so much and regret so much but unfortunately it is what it is and the only option is to move forward making better decisions. Taking more pills would definitely not be a better decision.  

Also, I feel like most of us on here wish we could reset and go back in time.  The movie "Edge of Tomorrow" is a favorite of mine (he resets the day constantly) and I happened to watch it the other day and decided to look up when it was released and it came out May 30, 2014 in theaters. I actually remember that specific day so well its insane, like every single one of my service calls and how hot it was. I also took too much adderall that day and had a weird cough that a customer even asked if I was "okay". It was the very first time I had a negative side effect which is why I remember it so well and just wanna go back to that day so badly and quit. I was only on it for like a month at that point. FYI I didn't go see that movie in theaters, its just a movie i watched years later and it happened to be released on a date that is burned into my memory so well...crazy stuff. lol and the basis of the movie is eerie for that date.. Idk im rambling now. sorry!

BEST OF LUCK! KEEP VENTING IF YOU NEED TO!

 

[Trevor95]

Thank you so much eric & Krae! I appreciate you all. Checking this site daily helps me keep going. 

[Teresa]

@Trevor95Hi It's just so crazy. All of us going through this I have been where you are. I'm still there actually. I just somehow make it through the day I look forward to bedtime I look forward to staring at the TV and not having to do anything. But at the same time I hate it I hate it I hate it I want to be full of ambition I want to finish painting my cabinet doors that I started when I was still taking Adderall My basement is full of my crafts my artwork I bought an airbrush gun because I was going to paint with an airbrush I have a cricket because I was going to learn to do crafts with the cricket I haven't done any of it. But my health was more important and I was on a suicide mission taking Adderall. I lived in denial thinking it won't kill me and then I would have anxiety all night and pray for God to just let me get through one more night and I would quit and then I would refill my prescription and promise myself I wouldn't go over my dose but I always did because I always had something really pressing that I really wanted to focus on. I'm not ADHD never have been but I almost think Adderall can turn you into ADHD with it because when I was on it I was bouncing from one project to another and I was cleaning like a maniac all the time I would stay up so late at night cleaning. And now I do nothing but I know I'm going to get better that's what I keep telling myself I'm going to get better I need to start exercising and I still look for supplements or something that might help get me a little bit motivated it comes and goes. I thought I was over the crying but if my husband's voice fluctuates or he says something just wrong not even an anger or doing anything in particular I will burst into tears and he feels bad. But out here where we all are I feel normal I feel I'm not alone I wish we were all in one room together being worthless lol wouldn't that be a sight??!! I have read some super good posts there are some super good people out there including you and I have so many videos and books and stuff that people suggest that I want to look at this is my new focus I've only been on here a few days and I just want to live on here. Just take care of yourself It's all going to get better we're all going to get better.