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I dont want to be happy


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I just hit 6 months off of a 3yr, 60-70mg Adderall a day. The first months of recovery were extreme; I was scared of everyone and everything. I thought It was over, thought I'd never be happy again. I dreaded who I had become. Then, yesterday, It clicked... I wasn't happy before Adderall, and I was just as anxious. For 3 years, I was constantly chasing a feeling, and during that, I lost my purpose. I lost the reason to care for anything other than that instant gratification. The pre-Adderall me had a strong sense of who he was, didn't care what others thought of him, and lived every day according to his purpose. Good or bad, he was gonna follow his rules. I think a lot of people on here are waiting to "feel" good. You have to realize that if you're looking for happiness, you'll never find it. That fulfillment of having purpose and meaning Is what's gonna get you there. So, I'm trading my pursuit of happiness for the pursuit of purpose. I suggest you do the same.

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