This drug has ruined me

[insanewithu]

I've been prescribed to Concerta since I was 15 years old. At first, I considered it a "wonder drug" for getting me motivated to study and keep myself organized. It wasn't until a year ago that I realized how dependent I was on it. I couldn't get out of bed without taking it and would sleep for hours if I tried to go a day without it. It wasn't until a couple weeks ago that I realized my dependency problem grew into a full blown addiction. I constantly feel cracked out and I am scared to make eye contact with people. Going out in public terrifies me because I constantly feel like people will take a glance at me and think,"this girl is tweaking out". Concerta no longer motivates me to keep myself organized and sit through a whole day in school. My anxiety levels have sky rocketed to the point where I tend to avoid people overall. If anything, I'm addicted to the rush I feel when my Concerta begins to peak at the beginning of the day. I crash hard earlier and earlier each day. My body is exhausted but my brain is too wired for the rest of me to keep up with. My personality is gone and I feel like a walking zombie. I'm now 20 years old and a pre-med student. I'm afraid my performance in school will only be worse if I try to get off of it during the school year. Or even worse, I'm afraid I won't even be able to get up and go to school. I've concluded that my best option is to admit myself into an Adderall Addiction Clinic for a couple weeks this summer. There's nothing worse than being addicted to something that makes you feel terrible whether you're on it or off it.

[Zerokewl]

Welcome to the site. While most of the content here is focused on Adderall it applies to Concerta, Ritalin and any prescription amphetamine.  Sounds like you are near the end of your addiction stage. The sick and tired of being sick and tired stage.  Take some time to go through the articles on this site and read some posts.  Recovery is possible and very rewarding, though it will take some time to re-calibrate your brain. We are here on the same path, if you have any questions.  

[Frank B]

Never took Concerta but did the amphetamine 30mg 2x daily for 7 years. If your a pre-med that may be a advantage study up hard on what this drug is all about and realize your mind is still in control of your body and your body tells your mind it must have this drug to perform not the other way around. I've been off it for a couple of weeks and physically I do a hard days work I'm tired! But if I have my sons basketball practice to coach afterwords I know I can't go home be lazy I get to practice work out with the kids and forget I'm tired. It's all about getting yourself going and for myself the physically energy I miss but my brain function has doubled I can remember things I never could before I can talk to people before was too busy for small talk but if all you do is work never have a little joke or talk about a movie kids etc with someone what are you? Your a damn lifeless hard working robot who would be ideal for someone in the matrix feeding the machine but in life we have no machine we live a short life span and if you don't have any joy during a work day why work? Why make money what's the point! I think the motivation for me to stop was my kids, but what got me over the hurdle was watching the new movie Lone Survivor just watch it if you haven't. Also watch the Adam Sandler movie "click" the remote is amphetamines plain and simple. Good luck

[herrrojessica]

Hello,

I am in the exact same situation as you are. I started on 70mg of Vyvanse at 15 and switched to instant release adderall a year later. I am now 20 like you and I've been on about 40mg a day since (excluding weekends for the most part.) I've been wanting to quit for the last two years or so. Adderall has been great to me, but my body is soooo exhausted now and i'm sure you can relate. I've been in college for dental hygiene for two years and I'm absolutely terrified i'm going to fail school if I stop taking my adderall. I can really relate to your post and am very happy I came across it because I wanted to tell you that I don't think either of us will ever get through school happily with the burden of this drug on our shoulders. Adderall isn't the reason we are going to school to do something we're passionate about, we are the reason. Just remember that. I have just reached my breaking point and I'm getting rid of all my adderall. I'm soooo ready to get rid of this crap. It has taken me over and I am not myself when I'm on it. I wish you the best of luck and there is someone out there just like you facing the same hardships. It will be hard at first, but we got this!!! Just think about how awesome and rewarding life and school will be when you know things aren't happening because of a pill. 

[JustinW]

School is tough while in recovery, but if you are willing to work hard it is well within your grasp to do well.  I am working on getting my brain trained to get back in the school mindset and after 6 weeks I am getting A's in all 4 of my classes and you are younger than I so you should have an advantage over me.

[Greg]

School is tough while in recovery, but if you are willing to work hard it is well within your grasp to do well.  I am working on getting my brain trained to get back in the school mindset and after 6 weeks I am getting A's in all 4 of my classes and you are younger than I so you should have an advantage over me.

I did not know you were in school JustinW. Congratulations on getting all As!

[Greg]

Welcome to the forums. Once you reach the point you are at, all the terrible feelings you mentioned only gets worse, as you continue on it. The only way to stop is to get off it. But its possible. Definitely read more of the advice and tips on this board and know you have plenty of support here.

At first I thought I would never be able to think or concentrate again without concerta or adderall but little by little my confidence came back. It took time but now I study all the time without adderall. And the thought of taking adderall ever against feels like a travesty to me. I never thought it was possible to feel free of it But it was. You can also do this.

[Frank B]

I sometimes slap my face literally to get through a day not probably the best self healing tool but it gets me going. I get angry for being tired just discussed withmyself. It's so amazing the gov lets this strong narcotic easily available I mean any idiot can go to a local gov subsidized clinic and say "I can't focus" well here ya go kid take these. Yet anyone who is dying of cancer can't eat etc cannot get a script for a naturally grown plant marjuana in most states still. Obviously the gov wants busy working cracked out bees not laid back chilled stoners sort of a double standard here. I smoked weed for years stopped one day because I was just bored with it never had withdraws and occasionally lit up without a big relaps why?Because pot is not addictive this crap is very very addictive and makes you caple of doing amazing tasks but it also takes away your soul it's a harsh drawback not worth doing your entire life just understand you know when it's time to quit . The roller coaster has to end someday before it derails and if your on here that's your que to step off the ride and back into your real life. Along with this drug I've been taking pain pills just because it's available too me but now I've been off adderall for nearly a month and off pain meds for 2 days. Man it's some harsh shit to facing your bodies normal capability. I knew what I was doing all along was wrong but figured just one more day of this .. Well that day has ended time to face a new life narcotic free what a bummer but that's life if you want to keep living and personally I must change to be a better example for my family once your children become teenagers they start to ask and figure out if they have a pill popping father and I do not want to lead a piss poor example for them that's why I'm quitting.