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What moment did u realize adderall had taken over your life?


Greg

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I think for me, my dependency on it, began immediately...I loved it immediately and felt like I found the answer to my problems ( which at the time, which seems so trivial now, was being able to pay sharp attention in class and comprehend my complex textbooks, especially philosophy which completely confused me)....then slowly I ran out earlier and earlier each month.

But I distinctly remember at my college graduation walking around the campus, asking random people, during my graduation of all places, if they had any adderall on them or if they knew anyone who had it. It was really desperate and maybe that was the moment.

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Well I posted a dramatic and lengthy post on here about giving up cold turkey after I had enough of how crazy it made me. I got rid of all my pills and felt free. About 2 weeks later I called and begged for a dr's appointment. I received a call the day of my appointment that it had to be rescheduled and I just about lost it. Like almost cried at work lost it. Went back on it and fell into my old ways with a big knot of hopelessness in my stomach.

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Probably when I was taking it everyday and not just on school days. Even days where I was doing nothing or watching movies or even on days I was hungover or working out. Why would I need it these days? Come on now. Because I was clearly addicted.


 


One time a few years into my 7 year addiction, while in college, I flushed them all down the toilet because I was so sick and tired of taking them and being so freaking dependent on a pill and then freaked out a few days later, called my doctor and got more like no. big. deal. Even though I said I wanted to stop taking them.


 


SO glad I finally did!


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The Moment I Should Have Realized It (this list could go on forever):

  • When I thought everyone should be taking Adderall and offered them some of mine
  • When I saw 2 doctors to keep me in the 160mg IR/per day lifestyle that I had grown accustomed to
  • When I went to the doctor last year and was 280 lbs with a resting heart rate of 105 and BP 170/120
  • When I had my first Ischemic Stroke (practice/training stroke)
  • When I had my second Ischemic Stroke
  • When I had a Hypertensive (High BP) Hemorrhagic Stroke (blew a gasket) and nearly died last year (8 days unconscious in the ICU
  • When the first words out of my mouth upon my release from the hospital, "When can I get back on Adderall?"

The Moment I Realized that Adderall had Taken Over My Life:

  • The moment I realized that I accomplished more in the year after the stroke without Adderall than I did during 13 years with Adderall.
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Probably when I was taking it everyday and not just on school days. Even days where I was doing nothing or watching movies or even on days I was hungover or working out. Why would I need it these days? Come on now. Because I was clearly addicted.

One time a few years into my 7 year addiction, while in college, I flushed them all down the toilet because I was so sick and tired of taking them and being so freaking dependent on a pill and then freaked out a few days later, called my doctor and got more like no. big. deal. Even though I said I wanted to stop taking them.

SO glad I finally did!

Flushing it down the toilet is so ineffective. All u have to do is go get the prescription again. That's why cutting of the doctor is the best way. I distinctly remember when I starting taking aadderall to watch entertainment. I went to to see a broadway show and I was SO engrossed it. I started taking it to read for pleasure to watch movies etc...no longer to study. That was a big turning point in my addiction too.

The moment I realized I was an addict was after I was fired from another job, paying out of pocket for a doctor's visit, then retail price at the pharmacy. No insurance discounts. No income on the horizon. Foolishly handing out cash for another fix of pills. Brand only, of course.

that sounds like me although I could go with generic not just brand.

The Moment I Should Have Realized It (this list could go on forever):

  • When I thought everyone should be taking Adderall and offered them some of mine
  • When I saw 2 doctors to keep me in the 160mg IR/per day lifestyle that I had grown accustomed to
  • When I went to the doctor last year and was 280 lbs with a resting heart rate of 105 and BP 170/120
  • When I had my first Ischemic Stroke (practice/training stroke)
  • When I had my second Ischemic Stroke
  • When I had a Hypertensive (High BP) Hemorrhagic Stroke (blew a gasket) and nearly died last year (8 days unconscious in the ICU
  • When the first words out of my mouth upon my release from the hospital, "When can I get back on Adderall?"
The Moment I Realized that Adderall had Taken Over My Life:

  • The moment I realized that I accomplished more in the year after the stroke without Adderall than I did during 13 years with Adderall.
Wow--Andreas. Was adderall the cause of those strokes? ( high blood pressure)
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Hey InRecovery.

  • High blood pressure is the most important risk factor for stroke (according to the American Heart Association) 
  • I had normal blood pressure before taking Adderall (120/78)
  • I had high blood pressure the entire 13 years I was on Adderall peaking at 170/120 just before my stroke
  • 6 months after the stroke I was off Adderall and took no blood pressure meds and I was back to 118/80 

I may not be able to prove causation but I certainly can prove a high correlation.

 

It's only during the last 4 months that I have recognized the central role Adderall played in the shitification and of my life and I'm working on my quit story where I will document the 180 degree turn for the better my life took after the stroke. I am amazed and inspired that so many of you have quit/or are trying to quit before you end up in the hospital or the morgue. Keep up the good work. Your lives depend on it.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I put up some ALL STAR bp #'s toward the end. They took it every time I went to a walk in clinic to pick up a few days' worth to fill in the gaps. My cholesterol was through the roof from all the binge eating as well. At the time, I was somewhat proud of how hardcore I was (sacrificing myself "for the cause" at work).

 

That is some SICK thinking! BP is all the way back down to normal again, and cholesterol is coming down.

 

Anyway, to the original topic: a few months in. I took it before going with some friends in college, got blackout drunk, got thrown out of a party, broke some guy's nose who gave me shit for it on the way out, then got gang-beaten by his friends, suffering a pretty bad concussion. I woke up the next day to my then gf nursing me back to health. Then I took more Adderall.

 

Part of me knew something wasn't right about that situation, but it took me another five years before I accidentally lit my car on fire and ended up in rehab.

 

Cut off your prescribing doctor/psychiatrist. Tell your family about your problem. Take the first step.

 

This shit will kill you. 

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