I'm new & want to quit... I think?

[Bubbagump99]

Been on ad for 9 years. Been taking one 30mg once a day. I'm now prescribed two 30mg a day, but I haven't taken that dosage since in the back of my mind i feel like I need to quit and get my life back so to speak. I've become so damn immune to it now- I just feel like crap after 2 hours of taking it. It's like right now I'm at the point where I have to either up my dosage or quit.

So tired of feeling this way, and feeling tired and worn out. However, I am scared sh!t to quit. I work 8 hour days and can't imagine how I'll even survive (aka stay awake) to work if I do quit ad.

Can someone tell me what quitting was like, and how bad it was? I mean, am I gonna be falling asleep at my desk? Ugh, do I need to get caffeine ready to help me? Will that even help me?

How long will the 'crash' last after I quit? what should I expect the first week? Two weeks? When will I feel 'normal' again?

[Doge]

I was on it for 2.5 years, but I wasn't taking it as prescribed.  I would binge... crash... binge... crash.  etc.  So I don't know how my recovery experience will compare to yours.

But maybe this will be helpful, if you are wanting to try quitting cold turkey.

 

The first 72 hours or so I felt useless.  (I crashed on a 4 day weekend thankfully.)

 

The next two weeks or so got pretty easy for me because each day I felt noticeably better than the day before.  Also because I work unsupervised so I could drag my ass at work without hearing too much shit for it.

 

Then the next month was hell.  I was more or less just feeling crappy all the time.  I'd have trouble sleeping, I'd start feeling exhausted by 6pm and all I could do was lie around and veg on the TV.  This was crappy because it wasn't a true escape.  All I could think of was how much work I was procrastinating and how much of a piece of shit I was and how I had fucked my life up.

My mind was just in general in a horrible place.  But every once in a while; but very rarely, I would smell a nice breeze, or just get a tingly happy feeling for no reason at all.

At about the 6 week period I hit a boiling point where I was desperately seeking to get more addy.  I went back to my 'doctor' who I had already asked to cut me off.  Fortunately he refused to 'prescribe' me any more.

This was the absolute low point for me.  For the next 3 days or so I felt worse than ever.

Then suddenly things progressively started getting better ever since.  I recently celebrated two months clean, and I'm happy to report that the next two weeks went by really fast and things are still getting better every day.

As for caffeine, be prepared to rely on it like a crutch.  It won't be the same as adderall obviously but it will keep you awake at least.

It sounds like you have been using for a long time, but you never mention upping your dose and binging at any point.  This is a good thing.  The physical dependency you will have developed will be rough to overcome.  But for me this was the easy part (because I literally did it every month after I ran out way early and had to wait several weeks for a refill).  The psychological addiction was a brutal battle for me and I still think about it EVERY day.  I don't know the science behind it, but I'm pretty sure these binges are how you develop the psychological addiction for adderall, which lasts FAR longer than the physical withdrawals.

 

----

TL;DR

Days 1 - 30:
This may be counter-intuitive, but I felt good and positive even though I was drained.  I was pretty easy on myself and just had lots of snacks and watched a lot of netflix.

Days 30 - 60:
I put too much pressure on myself to up my performance and these days were the worst for me.  As I mentioned above around day 45 I hit my rock bottom (the worst I have ever felt since I quit).

Days 60 - present:
I feel way more social, and when I'm in tough situations I really feel like I **DO** have what it takes inside to get through them.  I think about adderall every day, and literally consider and plot ways to get more.  But the thoughts have been fading a lot quicker and the thoughts are getting easier to push away.

Please post back and let us know if and how we can help!  Welcome to our community!  I promise you are not alone!

[Bubbagump99]

Thank you for your reply. Don't go back now, after you've come so freaking far. After coming to this message board and reading all these posts, I feel almost more hopeless bc people are saying how long it's gonna take to feel 'normal' again. I really thought a month or two max. People are talking a year or years. like, have I done this much fn damage to my body? Smh

[AlwaysAwesome]

Why are you feeling hopeless?  You will never feel normal again unless you quit the pills.  At least if you quit, you will eventually feel like yourself again!  I was like you, it was the "Matrix" red pill or blue pill moment.  Get a higher dose prescription, or quit.  I chose to quit over 10 months ago.  I feel great!  I am still tired sometimes and I drink WAY too much caffeine (I love MONSTER!!!), but I am myself again.  Emotionally, I felt back to normal within the first month or so.  It is the physical part that is so hard.  I spent almost 6 years jacked up on speed and my metabolism is shot.  It is getting better, and I have lost 10 pounds and kept it off for the last month or so.  I still have 30 pounds hanging on, but I am having a hard time being consistent with my exercising.  I am getting more active every week.  I planted some flowers on Saturday with the kids...and you know what...it doesn't have to be perfect. 

 

Join us and find yourself again.  You don't need that crap to get through the day. 

[Bubbagump99]

I'm terrified because I feel like I've been on these pills for so long, idk who I even am anymore? Does that make sense? Also, I'm going through the beginning stages of a divorce right now, and am making life altering decisions.. (Ones that I'm happy about, that will make myself happy for once).. But I'm starting to wonder if getting off this drug will change my thoughts about the decisions I'm making. But then I think.. The lack of adderall may change my mind, but it won't change my heart? does this make sense? Will quitting adderall change what I feel or what I want in life for myself??

[AlwaysAwesome]

Have you been on Adderall the whole time you were married?  It may be worth a shot to quit before making any crazy changes.  If that is possible. My "heart" was not functioning properly while I was on Adderall.  Some of the cruel, heartless things that I did/said make me cringe, now that I am clear headed.     

[Bubbagump99]

No, I haven't been on ad the whole time I was married. But things in my life recently have changed where I feel like I want different things than my husband. There's a pretty big age difference between us too.. And I think that now I'm starting to realize I fell out of love with him, and just want different things in almost ever aspect of life. but I'm wondering if quitting will make me change my thoughts on everything?

[Zerokewl]

       Welcome to the site. You've found a group of people who know exactly what it like to get off adderall .  Our slogan is Surviving the painful but extremely rewarding transition back to your true self .  Adderall seriously fucks with your brain chemistry while you are re-calibrating you may experience a variety of emotions amplified and sometimes muted.  Everyone experiences things a little differently.  The process can be non linear.

 

     It takes time and some days are harder than others but eventually the brain forgets and you start sprouting new mind-grapes this process can be painful at times. That is why this site exists as a place to bitch & moan and share experiences.  

Day by day and post by post we get better and better.

 

At almost two years I am really beginning to thrive in a new normal.  But I have changed! I don't care about formatting in excel any more and I'm no longer a chain smoking workaholic psycho.  For me I simply couldn't continue using adderall the cycle of binges and the amount of pills I need to just function.  I am certain quitting saved my life. 

 

Your recovery is completely DIY we are here to help, advise, support and be supported.  These communities are amazing places that fill me with  hope for humanity daily. But this is a decision you have to make for you.  Read & research as much as you can try staying off the pills for a few days etc.  Make an informed decision.  

[AlwaysAwesome]

Excel...NOOOOO!!!