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Feel like quitting my 'quitting' :/


Bubbagump99

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A week ago I took my last pill. this really blows. I knew it was gonna be hard but for f*cks sake, this BLOWS.

God, I miss that feeling, that rushðŸ˜ðŸ˜³ and just knowing I'm already gaining weight, that alone makes me want to go back on the pills.

How have you guys dealt with the weight/hunger issues since quitting? idk how much longer I can do this😢

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I think it's super amazing that you have made it this far, first and foremost.  Congratulations!  You are on the road to a new, brighter, better you!

Think hard about why you wanted to quit in the first place.  Things will start to look better soon (no, not perfect, but better).

 

As for hunger, I ate plenty.

As for weight, I gained plenty.

 

This was not all bad, some of it was muscle mass coming back from finally stimulating and moving my body more again.  but also some of it is fat, which I am now dealing with.

 

It's not easy to deal with this but its so much better than my psychotic life on the pills, living from one binge to the next.  I am eating healthy and exercise and the weight *is* slowly coming off (VERY slowly it seems).  Wedding coming up in 2 months and I need to lose 10 pounds to fit into my suit.  :unsure:

As for the rush, I crave it too sometimes, like really badly (but way less often than before).  But logically I know I'm remembering it to be way better than it was; our brains have been programmed to remember most vividly that "FIRST rush".  But pretty much all the ones that followed just didn't live up to it.

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I ate for the first time in years...and I ate a lot.  The only thing I wanted to do was sleep and eat.  You can do this!  Don't quit!  You have to get okay with the idea that you are going to gain weight.  When you have had the metabolism of a humming bird for so long, it is hard to get used to being a slug.  No matter what you do, you can't help but gain the weight.  It will happen sooner or later, because the drug doesn't work forever.  I had already started to gain while on the meds.  I was facing upping my dose or quitting.  I chose to quit.  Best decision ever! 

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Well beyond the obvious point that you're doing yourself a MASSIVE favor by quitting, this I how I like to think about it.

 

I am also quitting for someone else too, I just don't know who it is yet.

I don't want to be alone my whole life, and the person I want to be with (whoever they are) would absolutely not put up with the behavior I was indulging in for that "dark" time.

 

Even if they did put up with it, I would be just a shell of the person I truly can be.
 

And *IF* (and I this is a pretty huge if) I never meet that person.  It was still absolutely and totally, indisputably worth it!

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One thing I just thought of, regarding weight gain....

 

Looking back now at some of the decisions and thought processes I made and had during my adderall life I realize are absolutely insane. 

 

I can say with conviction that placing a higher importance on not gaining weight than on regaining my true self and life back (and yes, it absolutely was a struggle for me to accept this too!) is one of those thought processes.

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alright ,so i started taking half a pill yesterday and today, and obviously feel so much better.  i just can't deal with this weight gain, and also being SO groggy and out of it at work.  My work is crazy busy, and my job is pretty important, and do a lot of computer programming stuff.. i can't continue to be THAT out of it... i'm messing up too much stuff. 

having taken just half a pill, i feel like i've taken a whole one... so with a week cold turkey, i feel like i'm at least somewhere.  my husband has the pills somewhere & is controlling them... i'm gonna try & stay at half a pill for a couple weeks, and then taper and so on... i need to start taking all my vitamins and crap now and continue to do it with the half of adderall i take.  it's crazy how much a drug can literally control your life!! f*ck balls

thank you all for your support & words... this place really helps.. 

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If your husband is controlling them then it sounds like a solid plan.  If you stay at that dose and don't step up, then none of your cold turkey week will be a waste.  If you've never abused adderall, then I think stepping down is a perfectly valid way to have a controlled quit.

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