carock84 Posted July 6, 2015 Report Share Posted July 6, 2015 Hello everyone So I joined this site to basically help others and get as much info on getting back to my old self without a chemical being in my body. Like all of us here I have had my experience with Adderall throughout my twenties and kicked the habit for going on 4 years I believe. I've been through hell and back with the stupid drug and have many horror stories I could share but I'm not trying to write a book. My main focus is to help others and also get myself off of Vyvanse which I am currently taking now. Yes I know Vyvanse is just like Adderall If not worse blah blah blah and I am determined to get off it once and for all. I recently got a 2nd DUI back in February of 2014 and was on house arrest for 4 months and went through some tough times and still kind of am. My main reason I take it is that it cures some of my depression as I am dealing with all the punishments that is related to my DUI. I obviously don't have my license so instead of sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself My Vyvanse takes my mind off things. Yes I have a full time job of 5 years which I have to be up at 4 am everyday, and am a very active person with fitness and eating good all that good stuff. I know the potential of addiction to Vyvanse and I never take more then 40 mg throughout the day so I am not "abusing" it that much but since I am only prescribed 20mg a day I will say Yeah I am in a way. I can get in a routine with just taking 1 pill but that usually goes to shit after a week and I end up taking 2 at the most honestly. I can honestly say that I can go without the drug but when I hit the 2 week period or when I can get my script refilled I always end up getting back on it. My main focus is to get off completely and kick it for good. There is so many pros I benefit while on Vyvanse but lets face it I never feel like myself and that's the main thing I want back as does everyone. I eat better when I am on it, I stick to a routine when I'm on it, It helps my alcohol cravings while Im on it, but I AM NOT MYSELF!!! When I'm not on it I eat everything in site which I know is normal at first, I'm not as moody after about a week off it, I am just not as focused and obviously more depressed. I know if I can go at least a month or more I can kick it just like I did Adderall. So my question is how do you resist getting it filled again and having that will power? I've been through it with Adderall and got my script stopped because I came clean to my doctor and flushed them down the toilet, everything but I always went back and now I'm on this "so called" cleaner drug Vyvanse. Vyvanse to me is not near as bad as Adderall for me at least and it is much cleaner but like I said I want my old self back and my sense of humor and just be me. Im trying to get sober from any mind altering drugs including alcohol and I've did it with alcohol for 3 months and 4 months at a time so I know I can do that and feel so much better without that but now I am ready to kick the pills. SO basically I am going to explore some forums and beat this. I'm not talking to anyone close to me because they don't understand that's why I'm here. I don't think I'm a full blown addict because I was waaaaay worse back in the day and really am careful with the Vyvanse honestly but I want MYSELF BACK ONCE AND FOR ALL. So my main questions would be: What are some ways to resist getting your script filled? Its hard closing the script because what if I need them again for like getting things done in the future or is that just an excuse and with time without them I will be able to do stuff without this so called magic pill? Does the food cravings subside after awhile after you stop taking them? Im a pretty avid runner and without taking them my focus on my running isn't there anymore. But I do run without them How long does it take to fully get back to yourself without the meds? I no with time things do get better and I am going to have to deal with the withdrawls obviously but how long does it take to really say to yourself I made it and I don't want them anymore? Any feedback would be great. I am very knowledgeable of this stuff and have been through hell and back but I'm tired of thinking I can be on this pill and function normally and Im tired of thinking I am better with it. I might be in some ways but I WANT MYSELF BACK!! Thanks guys and I hope to help some people as well 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted July 6, 2015 Report Share Posted July 6, 2015 What are some ways to resist getting your script filled? Its hard closing the script because what if I need them again for like getting things done in the future or is that just an excuse and with time without them I will be able to do stuff without this so called magic pill? This is precisely the issue that it comes down to. If you truly want to quit, there is no reason not to just cut yourself off and tell your doctor you are addicted. EDIT: I read your post more carefully and you say you don't think you are addicted. If that is the case, then just stopping is the simplest way to achieve what you desire (although dealing with physical withdrawals will still be a challenge). I can honestly say that I can go without the drug but when I hit the 2 week period or when I can get my script refilled I always end up getting back on it. This sounds exactly like my behaviour in the past. And I am absolutely and unquestionably addicted. So my question is how do you resist getting it filled again and having that will power? Don't write off the likely possibility that you are addicted. And I don't mean that to come across as judgemental in any way. I am an addict. Most of the people on this site are addicts. That's why we need eachother and help eachother. But awareness of the problem is the first and a very important step in the healing process! The fear of not having them in the future in case you need them is a sign of either your addictive personality talking you out of quitting, or a symptom of not truly wanting to quit bad enough. I went through this exact battle for months before I finally took the big leap and cut myself off. I feel that once you are addicted (I certainly am!), this is the only way to not just go running back to it the second things get hard. How long does it take to fully get back to yourself without the meds? I no with time things do get better and I am going to have to deal with the withdrawls obviously but how long does it take to really say to yourself I made it and I don't want them anymore? Personally, I'm not totally there yet (in saying I don't want them anymore). But I have no doubt that I'm fully recovered physically. That being said my usage was different than most peoples. I never took them for more than a few days in a row because I would always run out and then dry out for at least a couple weeks. So frequent recovery was part of my habits. I feel like this made my final recovery go faster, although I still have intense cravings occasionally, my most notable ones at around 2 months clean and 4 months clean. During the past month I've gotten better at recognizing my thought patterns before they get out of control and steering them in a more constructive direction. But I still think about adderall almost every day. But in many ways my life is completely back to normal. I'm just much lazier than I want to be. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carock84 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2015 Hey thanks Grumpy. Yeah right now in my life I am kinda pretty much isolated with the not having my driving license and stuff. I do work as much as I can though because I need the money which does a lot of people so that's a good thing that I have the opportunity to work overtime and keep busy. Its just very hard because Im really focused on where I want to be in my life when I'm on my Vyvanse and it masks the depression on conquering those things. When Im not on them I am just depressed and really get down on the tasks that lie ahead to get where I need to be. I know this is normal but I just hate the Lonliness period that I am going through right now. I live with my grandmother but yeah that just gets annoying lol because she doesn't understand. I have friends but they are all doing there own things like raising their family and such. I am currently single and a lone which bothers me. Will I be like this the rest of my life NO I wont but for the time being its hard to get through without my vyvanse to keep me sane and focused. I know I can do it. I'm going to do the whole month thing to start out and keep coming back here to this site hopefully. I hate being lazy and not focused haha but I really want myself back and I know I will get there if I just have the will power. Ill be alright and just go to know that I'm still young and have a whole lot of life ahead of me and realize that this is just a phase to rebuild myself for the better. MUCH LOVE 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted July 6, 2015 Report Share Posted July 6, 2015 Well good luck. I'm rooting for you. Let us know how we can help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted July 7, 2015 Report Share Posted July 7, 2015 I couldn't have said it any better, Grumpycat!! Anyone who has read my posts and comments knows that I told everyone. I mean...everyone! I posted my quit story on facebook. I made sure that I have no way to go back. Accountability worked for me. Plus, it helped to have an excuse for the weight gain! Good luck, and come back here often. This site has made all the difference. I have tried to quit so many times, but I was only successful after finding this forum and the supportive folks who post here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carock84 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Thanks ALWAYSAWESOME. I will try my best to come back during my quitting period. The first couple of days I might not want to do anything but I will be back eventually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouedis Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 May the force be with you buddy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carock84 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2015 Well its been 2 days without my vyvanse. Its going alright the usual symptoms. Hungry more and kind of depressed. I'll get into details a little more into my journey but for now I'm going to enjoy my pizza and probably lay down on my Friday night! Happy Weekend Everyone 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouedis Posted July 22, 2015 Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 How's it been since the last time we spoke? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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