blueyedgrl Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Hi everyone. I posted last year about my short experience with adderall instant release where i flushed it down the toilet. So for the past year i have been doing alright, i guess, except for the depression that i have been battling my whole life. Despite very disfunctional childhood and suffering from anxiety and depression i was able to be a successful adult and a single parent. I bougbt a house, finished undergrad in nursing and in currently pursuing masters degree. All my life accomplishing things was a major every day struggle and basically fighting against my depression and not wanting to get out of bed. I still got up and worked my a** of ti provide a better life for my and my child. I tried almost all of the antidepressants out there i heard diagnoses of ADD ( which i always knew i had, being the "worst kid in class"etc careless, daydreaming, losing things etc etc you know the deal) depression eith anxiety, mood disorder, borderline traits. Going to psychiatrists made me feel even worse, more meds ,different meds , side effects, nausea, weight gain... it was making me even more depressed. I knew adderall was bad news last year when i flushed it down the toilet. Recently i got a new psychiatrist who prescribed yet another antidepressant along with adderall 10mgXR. So i gave it a shot. For the first time in yeara i felt like a normal person who didnt hate getting out of bed and didnt dread every day. Now im month into it and I KNOW better that adderall is not a good idea long term, i just dont want to give up feeling "normal" for once. I was able to get through life without it but i guess i am having a hard time giving it up because i dont feel depressed anymore. Unlike all of the other antidepressants it gave me no side effects like weight gain or loss of sex drive or sleepiness. I am at a point where im so torn , im tired to being sick and tired my whole life, and i know adderall is bad for me but at least i feel like a person, like i have the energy to play with my kid and go to work. I know a lot of you feel so tired and depressed after stopping adderall, i felt like that my whole life so now in like well if i stop it ill just be like i used to be. Idk im so torn... i wish i could just be okay without any meds. I think ill try getting off of adderall and just staying on effexor xr that my doctor prescribed. It already gave me terrible nausea and i couldnt sleep yet i felt so tired. I just want to be less depressed and be a better parent and none of the antidepressants did it for me like adderall did. Its like damned if you do damned if you dont 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Have you told your doctor this? I believe this is the best way to get a prescription that is best for you. When things aren't working, inform your doctor! Something about adderall just tells us to "stay quiet" about it though, and is one of the many reasons I don't trust that it's actually good for anyone. These are some common things I have experienced/know someone who has experienced as the root of problems with energy and motivation: Have you had your thyroid checked for an imbalance? How is your nutrition? How much exercise do you get? Are you getting enough sleep at night? How much coffee do you drink? Do you have a Vitamin D3 deficiency? Might be worth searching harder for the cause of your depression than to just mask it with a highly addictive drug. Almost everyone on this forum will agree that adderall leads to pain and destruction. And addiction forms its devastating grip long before the user is aware of it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueyedgrl Posted July 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 My thyroid is good, i used to take vitD supplement but didnt feel much different. I know i need to work out more but with two jobs grad school and a kid its nearly impossible. My diet is good, low carb mostly, no sugar. I drink about 2 cups of coffee a day. Yes i have told my doctor all this. I know the root of my depression, i have a bipolar mother, alcoholic father and life of isolation, bullying, and abandonment. Im working through those issues , i pray a lot, i read a lot. I have a good insight into my diagnosis, im a board certified psych RN . I can tell my doctor all that but they think they know better, always. Oh just try this or that i know how it goes i work in psych. I did try a dozen of meds, one even put me of a high dose of lithium , more than what i give my involuntary patients in a psych ward. I was a zombie. I cannot afford to be a zombie. Now im going to try this effexor one more timw only because its SNRI and so was straterra which worked pretty good for me until ir pooped outm i KNOW adderall with poop out , too, that ill develop tolerance but the way i feel right now its like maybe ill get a few good, happy months. I know better, i dont want to be hooked on it. Its just that nothing worked this good beforw, its hard to let go knowing ill be my old ,tired, unmotivated, irritable self Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 OK well I am rooting for you! I just hope adderall isn't preventing you from finding a real sustainable solution. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueyedgrl Posted July 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Thank you!i know ill do the right thing and quit. But im not going to lie and say im not enjoying feeling normal. Im going on vacation in august for 11 days ill have all the time in the world to recuperate and sleep as much as i want 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 hawaii - i want to go can someone take me there plz thx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueyedgrl Posted July 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Lol I wish. But going to visit family in Europe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 haha i'm sorry this was supposed to be on the one word status update. my mistake, not attempt to hijack your thread with my dreams of lounging in a tropical beach! I swear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Did you read your own post?!?! Two jobs, grad school, and a kid? Honey, you are tired because you are overextending yourself. My mom used to tell me that when you burn your candle at both ends, you will wind up just a puddle of wax. When you get to a point where you can let some of the extra stuff go, then you may not be so tired all the time. The right time will present itself. You know you can't stay on this drug for the rest of your life. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Paradoxically, my focus and energy skyrocketed when I cut out caffeine. Been off adderall 3 years. Also, meditation every day for 10 mins. Drugs aren't meant to be long term solutions, and adderall will definitely make your depression worse over time. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouedis Posted July 9, 2015 Report Share Posted July 9, 2015 You're going to Europe? That's pretty cool! How often have you been there before? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueyedgrl Posted July 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 Yes i am originally for Poland. Im visiting family, i was there 3 years ago. I am hoping to quit before i go ao that i can have time to recuperate but im worried ill be a nightmare to be around . I dont want mt family to see me like a zombie and worry what the heck did America do to me lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouedis Posted July 22, 2015 Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 If you want, you should look into buying some adrafanil. It's like adderall but better and safer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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