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First post after a year and 1/2


agm1250

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Hi everyone. I'd like to try again. To try harder.

 

My last post was April 2014. Things have been not so good since then. I feel quiet tonight, solemn. I feel quiet and solemn and I don't have much to post, but here I am, and well.. I want to try. I want to try harder.

 

Much has happened the past year and a half. I finished another year of grad school. I saw my newlywed best friend become a mom. I watched in horror and helplessness as cancer ravaged my family. I got engaged.

 

Much has happened, and throughout it all I've laughed and I've cried. I've laughed and I've cried and I've reflected on life and love and all things good for a person in their mid-twenties. It was both inspiring and painful, this reflective process, because it forced me to feel. It forced me to acknowledge, to realize, and to feel. With bloodied knuckles and bruised bones I somehow clawed myself out the deep, dark abyss I found myself in, and well.. here I am. I'm still searching for pieces of myself -- pieces of my soul, really. I know they're somewhere around here.. I just hope I can find them all.

 

So here I am. I'm still addicted. I go through periods of recovery but inevitably succumb to those feelings of despair and temptation, of curiousity and dependence. I'm still picking up the pieces of myself. I made a pretty big mess. But, well.. I'm here. And I'd like to try again. I'd like to try harder.

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  • 1 month later...

Thanks for the support, all. Day 1... Here goes nothing. Moving my posts over to the 30-day challenge. If I can only hit that 30 day mark I'll know I can really do this.

 

good luck!! day 1 won't be too bad, but day 2-14 are the worst IMO- this is the time period you need to be the strongest. 

 

i was kinda thinking about that saying "here goes nothing" also. i think it should be "here goes everything". you don't have 

"nothing to lose", in fact you should think of this attempt as "if i dont succeed, i could lose everything". (: 

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