jade95 Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 Without going into tons of detail, I'm a 20 year old college sophomore, I live with my boyfriend. I took adderall for fun about a year and a half ago and it slowly became a problem, so slowly that I didn't notice. I told everyone that I was quitting. Everyone was so proud of my conviction and so happy for me, but then I relapsed and was too ashamed to tell anyone. Fast forward to today, and I'm heavily addicted to adderall and no one has any idea. It's like I'm living a double life. I've been taking 100 or so mg's almost every day for months now. I was fit before and now I'm thinner. The adderall gives me chest pain now. I have paranoid come-downs now. I need to quit. I have to do it alone. It's so hard to quit with no one to talk to about it. If anyone is going through something similar, any words of encouragement would help me so much. Just to know that someone can relate. I never thought I'd put myself in this situation but here I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 Jade, Why do you feel you can't tell anyone? Screw the embarrassment and shame!!! This is your life and you need support!! Have you ever heard that quitting is more of a linear process? There is nothing to be ashamed about. People will want to help you. If you are truly serious about quitting, you have to open up to the people around you. This site is a great place as well. Lots of people to help, but I highly recommend having some face to face people that know as well. Tell your doctor you're addicted and to never prescribe it to you again. I can't tell you how many times I've contemplated going back and calling the doctor, but knowing it would be holy hell trying to find a new doctor and see if I could bypass the series of tests of not getting caught, by the time I really thought about it, I never did it. You know this is no way to live. You can end up giving yourself serious heart damage and all kinds of problems if you keep going at it this hard. It's not healthy. Please ask for help. Thinking of you. Hugs 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 I'm going through the exact same thing. Nobody knows about my addiction because I've kept it a secret for so long. I really want to stop but I feel the same way as you do... I just need some support and encouragement. Let's be there for each other. We can do this! I think telling our doctors to never prescribe it to us again is a good idea. That way it's not so easy to just go back to it again. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idonttan Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 I can relate. When I first started using and then later abusing, I hid it from 98% of the people that I was close with. A lot of those people still don't know that I've once used this drug. I've also relapsed several times, even after admitting my addiction and sobriety to some people, but I haven't shared my relapses to them, for fear of disappointment and my own personal shame. I don't go for counseling and I still keep the struggle to myself. Perhaps this isn't a healthy thing to do, but this site and others success stories have helped me a lot, and I've managed to maintain a sense of sobriety, even if I've relapsed frequently. For me, exercise and journaling and self reflection have helped me tremendously. The point is, I've also used and I've also managed to recover by not disclosing this to many people. It is doable, maybe not advisable by all people but you're not alone in your situation, and it is possible to get sober again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jade95 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 Thank you guys for replying, I didn't expect to hear from anyone this quickly! I'm not sure if cold-turkey or weaning off is the best way. But for today, the goal is not to take it at all. I was putting off quitting for so long but all the chest pain yesterday really scared me and made the situation more real and imminent. I'll try to keep posting updates on here and hopefully that'll help the process! Hope you guys post too 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RestorationMagic Posted November 13, 2015 Report Share Posted November 13, 2015 i am quitting alone as well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted November 13, 2015 Report Share Posted November 13, 2015 Well, you could always try weaning off and see if that works. If you find it doesn't then try the next best thing and go cold turkey. I've done it both ways at different times and the thing I made sure to do was make sure I had plenty of time to sleep for days after I finally took the last pill. You definitely want to plan it in advance and know that you won't be capable of much. Just take the time to sleep, get hydrated, and be a total vegetable. Glad to hear back from you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMSTAS Posted December 13, 2015 Report Share Posted December 13, 2015 I was also embarrassed to tell my family and friends how bad my addiction and dependence became-I had never even told anyone I was taking adderall in the first place. But I didn't want to worry about hiding my recovery process because that would have added more stress to an already difficult situation. When I decided to quit, I told my family that I was taking it as prescribed by my doctor but it's a difficult drug to stop taking-which is totally true. It was prescribed to you and you don't feel it's safe anymore-you should be proud that your making a decision to better your life and health. I think it's also important to come clean with your doctor. I'm sure it won't be the first time they've heard such a confession. Not telling the doctor leaves that door open. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fkadderall Posted December 13, 2015 Report Share Posted December 13, 2015 i'm just 18. good thing i quit early. ur 20, we're both young so lets fuckin do this together.i didn't tell anyone either. it was almost impossible to quit adderall. after shitloads of change in personalities, i realized it wasn't worth it. do you have a winter break? i think the best way to quit adderall is during long breaks. relapsing is very easy while abstaining is difficult. i have relapsed more than i can count. And with low self control, the best way to avoid taking another pill is by flushing your remaining 30 pills down the toilet. I still think of the rush even months after stopping. also, downers work during comedowns but they're very addictive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted December 29, 2015 Report Share Posted December 29, 2015 You may think your family and friends don't know...but, I am willing to bet that they do. When I told my mom that I was quitting, she was so glad and said that she didn't know how to talk to me anymore. I was so volatile that it was easier for my loved ones to just avoid making me angry. They all knew I had a problem... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMSTAS Posted December 29, 2015 Report Share Posted December 29, 2015 Damn-I feel old. I'm in my 30s! It's so great that you guys are getting it together before things get worse because one thing I know for sure-the older you get the bigger your problems become. I was so ashamed to open up to family and friends about how badly I was abusing that shit. I'm a college graduate with a kid and a house and I quit my good paying job to start my own business and spend more time with my son. Adderall squashed both of those plans and I ended up draining my bank account and maxing out multiple credit cards and spent far too many years living like a vampire and always being too busy to spend time with my son. I've been slowly rebuilding my life but not a day goes by where I don't feel guilt and regret over those wasted years of running on a treadmill and getting nowhere. So don't turn back guys. You're taking control before things get any worse and you'll have the experience and the sense of strength that this struggle will provide you with to use in making future decisions. And as a mother, I can assure you that your parents will be relieved to know what's been going on with you and proud of you for putting an end to it! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted December 30, 2015 Report Share Posted December 30, 2015 Well said, IMSTAS! BTW, 30's are not old... But, it is harder the older you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flow3 Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 I just hit the 30 day mark with the support of the great people on this forum. I never told anyone but my wife (ex-wife now) that I took adderall and therefore never told anyone I was quitting a four year 60mg a day habit. When I'm struggling I instantly come here and read enough off the forum to convince myself I've made the right decision. The nasty lil voice of addiction will often times try and convince me otherwise... But FUQ him!! Its my life! If you dont have support from friends and family at home... Get the support you need here. TELL YOUR DR TO CUT YOU OFF!!! Eliminate that as an option... Good luck! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 So true flow. This site has been the best aid in helping me quit. My mindset is way different this time than any of the other times I tried to quit. I've never 100% fully be able to commit to the thought of never taking another pill again in my life. But here I am, 40 days down and I am positive I am not turning back this time. All thanks to the support here 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 It is the main reason I was able to make it stick this time. Thank God for this site and all of the great people who share their struggles so openly. It helps to know you are not alone in this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quentin Posted January 25, 2016 Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 Over a year ago, besides abusing Adderall I was also smoking a lot of street meth. After years on the meth I quit about a year ago but continued the Adderall. Although my family is aware of my Adderall use, there are others that are important in my life that don't, my NA fellowship. I told them the meth was my drug of choice and I quit that. I feel like such a fraud sitting through meetings with Adderall in my system. I don't have much of a life apart from NA and if I don't clean up my act and tell the truth, I am going to lose that. The Adderall has brought me to wanting to just give up on life once and for all. 10 years is a lot of what I call wasted time. I am gonna tell my group and my doctor that I need help and I will go from there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 25, 2016 Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 Quentin Great job quitting meth! I hear that is extremely difficult. Followed closely by Adderall...You may have a more difficult time than most, because of your history with meth. I think you are doing the right thing by coming clean with your group and your doc. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! btw, what part of Georgia are you in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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