My story

[bg8834]

Just wanted to say a big thank you to the creators of this forum and for those that support the people struggling on here with adderall.  I am writing this post to help other people who may be thinking of quitting adderall or other adhd medicine.  I have been on adderall off and on for the last 2.5 years and finally flushed all of my script down the toilet last night and never plan on taking it the rest of my life.  I read some of the posts on here last night from other people and a few on other forums and it helped guide my decision and I knew that I was doing the right thing for my situation.  I know that flushing the pills down the toilet is not the most eco-friendly type thing and not perfect for the water supply etc but I was in a bad spot last night and my health was feeling very bad (almost heart attack type symptoms) that I could not think about the environment at that point and had to do what I had to do.  I am a 32 year old male who runs two businesses with over hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of revenue coming in on a yearly basis and also work another job 30+ hours a week and thought that I needed this magical adderall pill or other adhd pills I tried that would help me focus like I needed to and that I finally found the answer to all of my concentration problems with this pill.  What happened was that adderall led me down a path of self-destruction, major anxiety, withdrawl from friends and family, change in personality, weight-loss but not in a good healthy way, and just a whirlwind of ups and downs on a daily basis that got worse at night when it was time to wind down and go to sleep but never can because you have been taking adderall all day.

 

For the people that can take adderall or other adhd meds and really not have it impact their life to much and still are doing somewhat okay in certain aspects of their life I do not have anything against you and if you can make it work more power to you, but my feeling is that a large majority of people can't and over time you will see adderall is a terrible medicine that will strip you of alot of great things you used to love or alot of great things that life has to offer you in the future.

 

For me adderall gave me great sense of euphoria and big dopamine kick and was in pleasure mode when I was on it and could concentrate on work for hours on end but all of that comes with a cost as adderall does have alot of side effects and the anxiety that is associated with all of them (dry mouth and lips that were always chapped, heart beating faster than normal, paranioa, terrible over dental health, worrying about sleep at night because you are so wired from the medicine, the highs and lows of the adderal high throughout the day and eventally always wanting to keep that high going all day, what is can do you your kidneys and retaining urine or peeing frequently, and just a whole host of bad things it does to you)  is what eats you up over time in my opinion.  I kind of had high anxiety to begin with and also smoked cigarettes as well and what ended up happening to me is days on end of taking adderall all day and smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey at night to wind myself down and telling myself the next day that I was definitely done with this medicine and would put it in a shoebox or something, but sure enough the next day as soon as I felt overwhelmed with work it was right back to my pills.  Last night it came to moment where I felt so crappy from taking adderrall and drinking and smoking and dealing with the highs and lows of the medicine that I was so drained I could have just flat on my face from exhaustion and had major heart symptoms so I decided I was done.  I wish everyone the best of luck in the future if they are trying to quit and hopefully my story helps someone else if they are on the fence of whether or not to continue taking the medicine or not.  For me it ended up being not worth it and don't worry I don't need any support posts on this thread wishing me luck to stay clean in the future and try to not go to the physiciatrist and get more pills or anything like that (although that is nice and does help some people), I just am not in that situation and almost died last night so I am perfectly okay with never going near this medicine again.  I have quit other bad things for me in the past when I had wake up call type moments and have never looked back.  The last thing I wanted to mention was for those people who were thinking of switching to Vyvanse instead of Adderall, I tried this medicine as well and this stuff feels like it just burns your dopamine receptors to hell over time and you will barely have any emotion and it also made me feel sick as well as in with flu like symptoms and overall terrible aches and pains. Thank you for reading my story and good luck to everyone in the future that is trying to quit.

[Doge]

That's so awesome that you flushed them.  That shows extreme commitment.  

[quit-once]

When you're done, you're done.  I knew when I was done and I had quit in my mind months before I stopped taking the pills, and I never looked back.  Even if you don't think you need the on-line support, I hope you hang around here and drop a few more posts or replies to others who are struggling.  Congratulations on your Quit....you have just reclaimed your future.

[LILTEX41]

Ditto what quit-once said above!!  So great you are done and moving forward with your life.  You never know just much you might be able to help another person so thank you for sharing your story and I hope you continue to stick around the site from time to time.  It really helps make this community stronger by having lots of success stories on this site.  The feeling of being able to help another person in recovery is probably the most meaningful and significant thing in my life.  It is a joy and a pleasure.  

 

Best of luck to you!  

[bluemoon]

Thanks for sharing your story. I wish I had found this website sooner. It sounds like we started taking Adderall around the same time. I keep my addiction a secret and it has honestly been so comforting to finally be able to talk to other people who can actually relate to what I'm going through. I can relate to pretty much everything you said. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Since finding this website, I feel like I finally have the strength to quit for good this time. I'm just trying to strategize and find the right time to flush the rest of my pills. I know I'll be pretty useless without them and I have a very demanding job. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I'm under a lot of pressure at work and I don't think I can handle being in withdrawal while at work. I have a week off at Christmas, so that would be the most ideal time to quit... But at the same time, I don't want to put myself through another month of this hell and delay my recovery any longer. Ugh

 

How are you doing since quitting? It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure work wise as well. Please keep us posted on how your recovery is going. Your story really struck a chord with me.

[LILTEX41]

Bluemoon,

 

Can you maybe just slowly taper down until Christmas?  Might make it a little easier for the quit and still allow you to function at work until then.  Just a thought.  

[bg8834]

Just wanted to update this thread as I was too quick in my post before saying I was completely done with this medicine.  Adderall is not a good medicine at all for people who have addiction problems and I realized now that it might be a tough road ahead to quit this for good.  I have a few questions and would welcome any advice that the members on here could give me.  Since I made this post, I went back to the doctor at the beginning of December and picked up another script and started on the path I was on before which was bad.  A week into having the new script I got so much anxiety one night I did the same thing as before and flushed all the meds down the toilet and thought I was done for good.  I actually quit everything at that time including cigs, dip, coffee, and booze.  I was a train wreck for about 2 days and had so much emotion going through me that I actually cried on the phone with my parents and even with another close friend and they were pretty worried.  I slept for 12 hours the first night after that and 13.5 hours the next.  I did have several excellent days after that filled with sobriety and lots of exercise and good productive work that I was proud of.  For me I realized that I am the happiest in life when I do not take any substances at all throughout the day and have a clear mind and as little anxiety as possible.  I also realized that money is not too important to me right now and I am very blessed to be in the position I am financially and do not want to live a life where I am continously taking things throughout the day to be more productive.  When I don't take anything, I actually enjoy doing work like I used to and look forward to it alot of times instead of it being something I have to do.  The last day or two I started drinking some coffee, smoking cigs, and having a little bit of alcohol and today I picked up another script from my doctor, took about 75 mg of adderall after 4 pm and had a pretty crappy night and have not even slept yet.  I know long term I cannot continue to take this medicine and really want to strive for a life with no substances at all.  Whatever substance it is even if it is just coffee or cigs gives me lots of anxiety and a very guilty conscience like I am not living a healthy life.  I already have alot of anxiety to begin with.  My question is where to you think I should go from here.  I know that can quit everything and have the willpower to do that, I just really struggle with addiciton in general and it is getting the better of me.  I know that I am going to try and post here more often as that definitely might help and has worked for alot of other people.  My thing is that I just need to try and quit everything in general in addition to adderall.  Do you think I should maybe try going to an AA or NA meeting.  I have also thought about joining a sober recovery forum to see if that might help, but are not really the type to be posting all of the time updating on my progress.  Not really into reading any help/quit books so that would not be really beneficial to me.  I am posting here though because there are alot of members who have been in my shoes with addiction to adderall problems and have succeeded and I feel comfortable discussing everything here for some reason.  I am in a better position now than about a month ago when I did my first post and have learned alot and had brief periods of sobriety which has been great.  Thank you in advance for any help.

[LILTEX41]

Hi BG,

 

Thanks for posting and giving us an update!  I admire your resolve to quit and keep trying.  That's seriously all you need.  Just a firm dedication/motivation to want to quit and you will find a way that works for you.  There are lots of ways that people quit drugs/alcohol and many paths to achieve this.  I know lots of people that have been sober in AA for years and that's worked for them and that's great. AA did not work for me though.  For me, I had much better luck with Smart Recovery.  Smart uses a variety of tools that you can use to help build your motivation to quit and stay quit.  Here is the foundation of the program below.

 

The SMART Recovery 4-Point Program offers tools and techniques for each program point:

1: Building and Maintaining Motivation
2: Coping with Urges
3: Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors 
4: Living a Balanced Life

 

I know you said you are not interested in books, but I do have 2 I recommend.  The first one is called, "The Easy Way to Quit Drinking" by Allen Carr and the second one is called, "Alcohol lied to me" by Craig Beck.  Both of these books have helped me reverse the brain washing that society  teaches us that basically alcohol is a good thing.  Alcohol is a highly addictive drug just like adderall and all the rest.  I have been able to see my sobriety in a new way now that I no longer feel like I'm being deprived in any way.  I was deprived when I was stuck in the alcohol/drug trap.  Life can be so great if we can open our minds and change our perspective quite a bit. It just takes a whole new way of looking at it all of it.

 

Anyhow, please keep us posted.  I have to get to work!

 

Hugs!

[Quitting4good]

Thanks for sharing your story and struggles, it's such a hard battle. I found going to a substance abuse counselor really helpful, as well as being honest with people close to me who are providing support and I can talk to about my addiction. I'd also maybe suggest focusing on one or two drugs at a time rather than quitting everything all at once which can be very very difficult. Maybe try to focus on the most problematic issues like stop taking adderall and drinking if those are the most intense addictions. Once that is under control then focus on stopping using cigs and coffee. Just some ideas!! Keep up the good work and it's awesome you flushed the script!! Your stronger than you think!

[bluemoon]

I'm glad you came back. I was actually thinking about you the other day. It's obvious you are in the right frame of mind to quit and you are ready to quit for good. I agree that maybe stopping everything all at once is a lot to put on your plate. You might be more successful if you just start slow like Quitting4good said. Maybe try ditching the Adderall and alcohol first and worry about the coffee and cigarettes later? 

 

I just want you to know that you're not alone and you're not a failure for going back to Adderall. I've been in your shoes so many times. I tell myself I'm done, that's it... There have been times where I have been so confident that I would have no problem quitting "for good this time".... I would flush all my pills, and be so proud of myself... only to find myself back at the doctor's asking for another script. My first time trying to quit was about four months in (June of 2013). And I've been in that stop/start cycle ever since then. So I GET IT.

 

I am now 26 days sober, which I know isn't very long, but it's pretty huge for me. And I am certain I could not have done it without this site. I come here at least ten times a day and read posts and I try my best to give others who are struggling lots of support and encouragement. For me, helping others gives me a huge sense of accomplishment (which is something that can feel hard to achieve without the crutch of Adderall). Like the others have said, there are many paths you can take to become sober and certain ways work better for some than for others. You just have to find what works for you. For me, it's been this site. I've tried to quit many times before, but I swear this time is finally the quit that sticks. 

 

If you are struggling to get a good start in your quit and you are able to take some time off, do you think maybe a rehab facility could give you that push? Just a thought. 

 

One thing is for sure though.... if you're serious about quitting, you really need to cut off your supply. Tell your doctor what's going on and tell them you do not want it prescribed to you any longer. 

 

Please keep updating and coming back. We're here for you!

[bg8834]

Thank you so much for the replies this morning and for previous replies in the past.  I really appreciate it and it is great to see people that care and want to see you doing better.  I think what I am going to do for now is just limit the amount of substances I am currently putting into my body each day and focus on having some self-control and self-discipline.  I think that is one of my main issues that I am facing and if I can get that under control than it will really help me out in the long-run trying to go off everything for good.  I am just going to use the adderall and cigarettes for now, but just take the amount of adderall that I am prescribed and cut cigs back to no more than one and hour.  I know these are not giant steps, but I know that this is key for me having long term success.  Eventually I can work on lowering my adderall dose and cutting cigs back to once every two hours and then once every 3 hours and before you know it, it will be only 1 a day or none.  I cannot thank everyone enough for trying to help give me some guidance and support and let me know that I am not alone.  It is a good feeling and reassuring.  I wish everyone the best of luck in overcoming their addicitons or struggles in life and hopefully one day I will be in a position soon to help other people.  Hope everyone has a blessed holiday season.

[bluemoon]

How are you doing?

[AlwaysAwesome]

Tell your doctor.  Cut off the supply.  Tell everyone that you know.  You need some external accountability.  You can't do this alone, hiding in the shadows.  Good luck, and you can do this. 

[bluemoon]

Hope you come back soon

[Mr. Kirk]

remember the old me before adderall. I was more successful, I truly believe I had more drive, and was always very good at my job. I was a better husband, a better father, even though my kids are out of school now. I didn't worry and procrastinate like I do now after a 3 year adderall addiction. I try to blame my addiction for the bad karma of the last 3 years. In December of 2013 I was struck in the head by an electric motor in my own shop at home on the farm. And seems like it all spiraled south after that. I lost nearly 6 months to amnisha not remembering things ext. I had just left a very good job to pursue my own business but because of head injury I made very bad choices one of those being starting adderall. I thought having adderall was going to make up for my lost time and success, let's just say that was a serious understatement. It was great at first i would pop a pill and would have all the drive and energy in the world pretty soon I was popping 2,3,4,& sometimes 5 20mg pills a day. I think in my mind I was getting shit done but in reality I began to get worse and worse. I would spend hours on meaningless things because it had to be perfect, and neglecting things that were most important. I would run out of my script early every month and be lazy and worthless for several days without adderall. It became a visus cycle. The following year on the same day and month as my head injury my shop that I spent hours the previous year redoing burnt to the ground and I lost many things that meant a lot to me and my son. As any addict would now this made the addiction worse. I was trying to do anything I could to hide my pain and anger I guess. I began regularly taking 80 to 120mg a day. And when I would run out early. I started using Vicodin to fill the void. I am still using today but not as heavily. But I have noticed many side effects that have come with my abuse. I forget simple things all the time now, I believe I have way less energy than I ever did before I started and have more trouble concentrating than I ever did before adderall. I really wanna quit for good, no tapper just cold turkey. I can go a whole week sometimes 2 without because I ran out before my next script why can't I just quit. I can clearly see now that it has done me by far more harm than good. I'm just trying to get over that hump of quitting it completely.

[bluemoon]

remember the old me before adderall. I was more successful, I truly believe I had more drive, and was always very good at my job. I was a better husband, a better father, even though my kids are out of school now. I didn't worry and procrastinate like I do now after a 3 year adderall addiction. I try to blame my addiction for the bad karma of the last 3 years. In December of 2013 I was struck in the head by an electric motor in my own shop at home on the farm. And seems like it all spiraled south after that. I lost nearly 6 months to amnisha not remembering things ext. I had just left a very good job to pursue my own business but because of head injury I made very bad choices one of those being starting adderall. I thought having adderall was going to make up for my lost time and success, let's just say that was a serious understatement. It was great at first i would pop a pill and would have all the drive and energy in the world pretty soon I was popping 2,3,4,& sometimes 5 20mg pills a day. I think in my mind I was getting shit done but in reality I began to get worse and worse. I would spend hours on meaningless things because it had to be perfect, and neglecting things that were most important. I would run out of my script early every month and be lazy and worthless for several days without adderall. It became a visus cycle. The following year on the same day and month as my head injury my shop that I spent hours the previous year redoing burnt to the ground and I lost many things that meant a lot to me and my son. As any addict would now this made the addiction worse. I was trying to do anything I could to hide my pain and anger I guess. I began regularly taking 80 to 120mg a day. And when I would run out early. I started using Vicodin to fill the void. I am still using today but not as heavily. But I have noticed many side effects that have come with my abuse. I forget simple things all the time now, I believe I have way less energy than I ever did before I started and have more trouble concentrating than I ever did before adderall. I really wanna quit for good, no tapper just cold turkey. I can go a whole week sometimes 2 without because I ran out before my next script why can't I just quit. I can clearly see now that it has done me by far more harm than good. I'm just trying to get over that hump of quitting it completely.

 

I know how you're feeling. I've been in your shoes a million times. You want to quit so bad but you just can't 100% fully commit to the idea of never taking another pill again. But let me tell you something.. you are stronger than you think!! You can do this. Not only for your family, for your wife, for your son...... but most importantly, you need to do this for yourself. There is happiness on the other side of this nightmare. Get your life back. The support on this forum has been something that finally worked for me to finally be able to commit to quitting, when nothing else seemed to work. You have us to help guide you through this, and if you feel you need more than that, there is tons of help available out there for you. The first step is admitting to yourself you have a problem, and it looks like you've already done that. Next step is talking to your prescribing doctor and being honest about what's going on. Tell him you want this to be over and you do not want it prescribed to you any longer. Talk to your wife about it too.. I'm sure she will be relieved to hear that you want to get better. Show her this site. Tell her you need her support more than anything right now. You got this!!!!