justsaying Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 Imagine if the tables were turned: Dear xxxxx, I would like for you not to talk to or bother me for a few days while I decide your fate. I will be deciding between you and someone else. But really what I want is to have both and for you to be fine with that. But for some reason you don't seem fine with it so I will decide whether to give up my lover which I really don't want to do because he helps me with my housework even if he encourages me to treat you badly or to do the housework myself and keep you and be nice to you. I don't understand why that makes you upset. Obviously help cleaning the house is more important than your happiness and our relationship. You know how much I hate to vacuum and am not the worlds best vacuumer and he helps me with that. Never mind that I have been able to do a good job of vacuuming with no complaints my whole life. It's just that now I can do it without having to work at it. Why can't you see that having someone else come first and treating you badly is not as of a big concern for me as a perfectly vacuumed floor even when an adequately vacuumed or even slightly dirty floor will do. I think you are being unreasonable and we can not continue if you keep insisting that I give him up. I may but it will be my decision because it is not your business who else I sleep with. I'll let you know. Meanwhile do not respond in any way negatively to this. Just act like every thing is fine. Otherwise I will move out and my lover and I will then vacuum to our hearts content and forget you even exist.Oh and also my lover leaves me with no time, desire or physical ability to spend on anything else I used to enjoy. He also gives me: high blood pressure, headaches, dry mouth, tremors, rapid pulse, rapid breathing, stomach problems, gastric reflux, trouble sleeping, sexual dysfunction, makes me impatient, aggressive, irrationally angry, cold and uncaring, hyperfocused on vacuuming and cleaning to the detriment of everyone and everything else. He has basically destroyed everything good in my life for years but boy does he help me vacuum. And that is really all that is important isn't it?If I do give him up, it will be because you want me to, not because I want to. It will be a great struggle to have to get used to doing all the work myself. It may take me several months to get the house as clean as it used to be before I started sleeping with him. Someone might notice that my floor isn't quite as clean as it used to be and I'm not sure I can handle that. I pride myself on having a better floor than everyone else. Pride in being a good wife who is loving and kind and wants to spend time with her husband pales in comparison to the pride I take in my floors. I don't know why you can't accept that.I know how much you like having nice clean floors. When you say that you would give up the clean floors if it came to that if it meant you coming first in my life and getting rid of my lover, I don't believe you. You say that you have confidence that I can keep the floors clean enough but I'm not willing to take that chance. I will probably decide to lose you and any last chance for health or happiness before I will give him up and the benefit he gives to me. For those benefits, for some reason, far outweigh all the negatives that come with it. And obviously, the negatives that it brings to you isn't even a consideration. The only thing that matters is how things affect me and I just don't think that giving him up for you is more important than that. Sorry (but not really because another effect of my lover is that I am incapable of remorse or empathy). signed, your wife 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 The message is as clear as the analogy. Hope you find a solution. Let us know if we can help in any way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post dadof3finallyfree Posted April 13, 2016 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 Thanks for this!!! Thats something my wife could have written to me if she cared enough which she didnt but its articles like this that help me move on and why I come to this site for support. One thing I find so amazing about this type of drug is that everyone that abuses it seems to go thru almost the same things, scenarios and relationship heartaches but there's no one doing a god dam thing about it in this country except of course for the people on this site. Wish we could throw some of these doctors in jail... To all of you who have been on this site helping others for years please don't ever stop doing that! If anything good can come out of this crap pill and your addiction its the help so generously being offered by the experienced users counseling the ones struggling. Not just the addicted ones but their families as well, thank you all! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted April 14, 2016 Report Share Posted April 14, 2016 You will find that there are several spouses of users on this site. Read some old posts and reach out to them. HOWEVER, you must take care of yourself first. Don't let an addict destroy you. I am so sorry you are going through this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 15, 2016 Report Share Posted April 15, 2016 It is heartbreaking what this evil pill does to not only the user, but everyone around the user. Prayers for you both. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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